I actually asked him if it was a mischarge, and he said it was definitely not his. I know for a fact he's been on this website. It's he actually cheating on me with another women? And I also found out that this website is the biggest swinger website I am so hurt and I'm not sure what to do.
2007-04-26 06:45:26 · 22 answers · asked by nyc88 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
it's just porn leave him alone
2007-04-26 06:48:44 · answer #1 · answered by human_meat_is_yummy 3 · 1⤊ 4⤋
First off, if confronted with it and he knows that you'll be angry, what do you think he is going to do? Right... deny it, and keep denying it.
Second, if he is on a dating for sex site then he is looking for something is is not getting within your relationship and out of fear of what your response might be he isn't telling you what it is. It's easier to try to fulfill his sexual fantasies elsewhere then face possibly being rejected by you, the person he loves the most in the world and wants the least to be rejected by. If a total stranger rejects him it's no big deal, if you do his world will be shattered.
So you need to talk to him in a non-confrontational manner and tell him that you know he's been on those sites and you want to be his everything so you want to know what it is that he feels is lacking in your relationship that he is trying to get somewhere else. Then, you have to openly, and unjudgmentally listen and understand what he tells you. It doesn't mean you have to do it all, some stuff you may not be into at all. But you might find some stuff out about him and find many common fantasies you can fulfill together.
It always amazes me that the person you should be able to be the most honest with, your spouse, is the one that you are the most afraid of being honest with.
Third, most swingers will not play with married men cheating on their spouse. This is because swinging is not about cheating, it's about honestly and trust between each other, and a cheater displays none of those traits. Swingers can swing successfully because they have such a strong, loving, and happy relationship, and they will not do anything that could ruin someone else's. And to top it all off, who wants the drama if a jealous wife finds out?
So don't worry about the swingers, your hubby has probably been shot-down in flames over and over with any swinger couple he may have contacted on the site. Worry about any single women that may be on there, and at that many are planted profiles by the website owner to attract more paying male members like your husband hoping to get lucky with a "discreet relationship".
2007-04-26 19:23:56 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is the man YOU married, how did you make such a mistake? You knew he was hard headed back then, didn't you think it was going to be a problem for you? Of course I would do it the same way you propose, we all need to see the light at the end of the tunnel once in a while. He likes living on borrowed money, paying large amounts of interest that when you see how much it is at the end of a year it makes you sick. He can't see that, his short term goals are all that he's concerned with. My wife and I just went through something like this, how to pay the bills off. I wanted to make sure we paid off the credit cards first because of how much they would keep taking from us if we didn't. At first she didn't understand but she caught on and now we have made it out of them and only use them if we have to and if we can actually pay them off when we get the bill. Otherwise we just wait until we can.
2016-05-19 03:52:47 · answer #3 · answered by lauri 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't how to tell you this but here it comes. Go on the site yourself. There is nothing wrong with swinger. Talk to him about swinging if you are comfortable in your mirrage. You might suprise yourself. When you start checking with him about swinging then you will find out more about him and the site. I have been married for twenty years. If you swing just leave it a sex an nothing else. That is what it will mean to you if you think that way. I wouldn't be happy about finding out like you did but maybe he doesn't know how to talk to you about it. So you brake the ice and then you can see.Good Luck.
2007-04-26 07:14:48 · answer #4 · answered by Ready G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Show him the bill and then ask him about it. The real question is what are you going to do then? What if he denies it and says the whole thing is a mistake? It could be or it might have been unintentional ... some of these sites make a career out of tricking people into giving payments. Or, what if he admits to it? What then? How are you going to handle it if he admits it?
What if he admits it but is very angry and defensive about it? (which is the most logical reaction, because he'll be embarrassed). What do you want him to say? What do you want him to do? Promise never ever to do it again? He may promise that, but he won't be able to. Do you want him to show it to you so you can 'share it'? It's actually a thought.
The very real question that you have to ask yourself is, "what do I want to be the result of this ... and what will I do if it doesn't come out that way?"
2007-04-26 06:48:49 · answer #5 · answered by John B 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Simply tell him that the site is "xyz" and you know he's been there...ask him to tell you about why he goes there and if there's something else he's seeking, why he didn't talk to you about it first...
He's not a swinger, although he may visit swinger websites...most swinging couples won't consider playing with anyone they know to be, or suspect to be, cheating. That's not what that lifestyle is about...but then some people do lie...
2007-04-26 06:50:53 · answer #6 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's in my experience that a guy will deny it until you can prove he did it.
If you have evidence then, sit him down and tell him what you know, how you know (evidence) and that you want to know what's going on and how long it's been going on for.
Find out why he felt he needed to do that, find out what he feels he's getting from that, that he doesn't feel he's getting from your relationship.
You need to set the boundaries of what you will and won't accept in your marriage and they need to be made clear to your husband.
Your husband should also be given the chance to put forward what he will and won't accept in his marriage and work out what the issue/s are that have lead to this.
In any circumstance, you need to get honest answers because if the trust gets lost, it'll be hard to keep the marriage going.
Chi Chi x.
2007-04-26 07:00:16 · answer #7 · answered by Chi Chi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is denying it, then make sure he calls the credit card company and has them investigate it. Suggest that he have the companies fraud unit investigate it. Tell him to cancel the card and get a new one issued since someone else obviously has the number. Keep pressing him to do something about this and see what he says next.
2007-04-26 06:51:49 · answer #8 · answered by Patti C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it is just talking on the computer then don't sweat it. But if he is doing other thing (like going out a lot with out you) then you may want to find out what his problem is. Ask him. You should have a marriage that will let you be able to talk if not then get help. For him and you.
2007-04-26 06:53:03 · answer #9 · answered by irishlady 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would sit down and discuss it with him. Let him know that you know he has visited the website and that you know it is for swingers. I would definitely suggest that you two go to marriage counseling. Good Luck!
2007-04-26 06:52:10 · answer #10 · answered by Michelle 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well...if you know he has been on the site then he has lied to you. He probably is lying about other stuff too. Get a keyboard logger (which logs what is being done on your computer without anyone knowing) and get some evidence before confronting him. He would just lie if you had no evidence. Sorry its tough
2007-04-26 06:50:50 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋