He just moved to faze two and has been sober for 3 months, even helped pay for my prom dress with his tax returns and we've been dating on and off for 6 or 7 years.
2007-04-26 06:19:56 · 34 answers · asked by Farrah H 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No.
Wait til you're both in your mid 20's, settled, and have jobs and have put all the rehab, sober, not sober stuff behind you.
2007-04-26 06:22:38 · answer #1 · answered by Munya Says: DUH! 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I don't think so. First, I think 19 is entirely too young. You have so much life ahead of you. As someone who was formerly 19 I know this and I know you don't want to hear it...but....hear me out. You need to ask yourself some questions. What do you want out of life? Do you need an education to accomplish this? Where do I want to be in 10 years. Do I know what happiness really is? Have I seen enough of the world to know what I want? Who am I? What kind of values do I have? What do I want in a husband? Do I want children? Can I deal with his possible relapse with addiction? You might not be able to answer these questions yet which is totally acceptable. The other aspect of this is addiction. He's only been sober for 3 months which is great, but you need to go research what happens statistically after rehab. I hope and pray that he does well, but you need to give it some time. Why not date for a couple years and see how he does? It's nice that he helped pay for your prom dress but marriage is much more than that. You also mention that you've dated off and on for a long time. What kind of problems have you had before the "off" times. I have a feeling these types of problems will continue. Take it slow, realize that there is no rush to marry. Be there to support his sobriety. Learn as much as you can about it. Maybe in a couple years, he'll still be sober, you'll both know what you want out of life and you will have a happy and successful marriage.
Good luck :)
2007-04-26 06:36:03 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear young lady, Please take a good, long look at this situation. There is an old saying-- "Look before you leap". Your boyfriend's being sober for 3 months is commendable, but that is still not long enough for his recovery to be stable. I am also quite concerned to read that you have been dating since you were only 12 or 13 years old. You deserve a chance & the time to grow, develop,& maybe even enjoy being a teenager for awhile! Ask yourself,"what do I really want for myself? what can only I do in life? get some education or training? travel? have interesting experiences? learn a special skill?" You surely deserve these things -- work on achieving them. With best wishes, A Teacher of women returning to education
2007-04-26 06:46:26 · answer #3 · answered by amerye950 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO!! If you believe he is "The One" he'll still be the one in a year or two. You need to make sure he is really serious about turning his life around and make him prove himself before you get married. What if you marry him while he's in rehab and then after 3 months he starts using again? You don't want to be stuck in a marriage like that.
And if you couldn't afford a prom dress how are you going to afford to support yourselves?
You need to wait.
2007-04-26 06:27:55 · answer #4 · answered by Jacob's Mommy (Plus One) 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i don't know what rehab he is going to but when i went through rehab one of the biggest things that was stressed to us is that we should not make any major decisions or changes for the first year. since marriage is one of the biggest decisions anyone can make i would say to wait at least that year. you need to understand that when people first get clean and sober they are not yet on an even keel. they go through something that we called pink cloud syndrome. this is when we are so happy to feel free from our affliction that life feels great. he has probably not yet faced all of his demons nor has he had alot of practice saying no. the stress of a marriage for him right when he needs to focus on getting well could very well jeopardize his sobriety. it would be better for both of you to wait and enjoy learning about each other clean and sober.
2007-04-26 06:45:05 · answer #5 · answered by adelaide 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have no idea what's best for you given I don't know you and you're not giving much to go on. You are still very young. Him having been sober for 3 months is admirable but it's also not very long. I would definitely wait. See how your bf does when he is on his own again. Get premarital counseling and plan on a date a year after his release. You just want to make sure you're not a rescuer trying to fix things. It doesn't work.
2007-04-26 06:31:01 · answer #6 · answered by VW 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are way too young to get married. young marriages have a very very low success rate, no matter how long you have been together. and you need to wait until he is out of rehab and sober for a long time. they can relapse at anytime, and he probably isn't too stable right now. if you guys love each other and have been dating that long than you will still be together in a few years and marriage can wait.
2007-04-26 06:23:29 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The question should stop at the first part. Should you get married? NO!!!! For God's sake, your 19. You have no clue what the world has in store for you.
You have so much maturing to do and learning to do and people to meet. Of the 100 people you've met, he is the best??? Wait until you've truly been out there and dated MANY other people to KNOW that he is the best.
Take it from an old-timer...
2007-04-26 06:59:24 · answer #8 · answered by mike_wpb 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i just made a big mistake on doing that you should really think about that's a commitment and you are kind of to young i was just dating some one that had some problems like him and he just back slide we had a place together and i had to leave it because he was not ready but he may not know that he is you might get pregnant and he needs to be their for you i think that you should wait a year and just live together you don't how he is with his friends and see right know he not a lone he has all of those rehab meetings" but what if he stops going so he can be with you and then you start having problems
2007-04-26 06:47:33 · answer #9 · answered by spanishrasa 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Rehab or no rehab. 19 is too young to get married....especially since you have been with him since you were so young.You need to separate for a while and enjoy single life( i am not saying go sleep around), go out with your friends and have fun. Just experience some freedom. If you miss him so much and are miserable without then get back together, maybe it is meant to be...time will tell. There is no need to rush marriage.
2007-04-26 06:30:29 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that is a good idea at all....he needs to have at least a year of clean living before HE is able to make decisions, let alone you. Many rehabs relapse...you do not want to be tangled up with a relapsed guy...the second round is never as easy as the first....stop and think before you go any further. And I am sure those at his rehab place will agree with me, if it is a legitimate rehab center. Good luck
2007-04-26 06:23:37 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋