If someone close to you dies, how do you move on??

Question

Is it easier to ignore that you had a relationship with that person, to avoid remembering him/her and forget that he/she once existed...or is it easier to remember this person, keep memories and pictures and talk about him/her...

Answer 1

Dear Alicia,

Everyone is different, but in general, trying to forget will just make it harder in the long run. My Dad died last year, and we were very close. For a couple of months, it was very hard to read his letters, look at the things he had saved, and give anything up. Talking about him was a great help. Just knowing he wasn't forgotton by others helped. Seeing his pictures might have made me cry more, but it was good, because I tend to repress feelings more, and then it really hurts you.

On the other hand, his widow has gotten every bit of Dad out of her house. Not a scrap of paper, or anything. She said one day that she was scrubbing the walls and floors and furniture to make sure there was nothing left he even touched. It hurt me horribly to hear that. They were married for 15 years, and now there is nothing left, she even gave me all the photos with him in it. Like he never existed. But each person has their own way, so I just choose to ignore her other than polite cards once in awhile. It breaks my heart to talk to her.

Its sort of like getting a cold. The first few days is unbearable and everything hurts. Then it seems to move and affect different parts of you. Then eventually you get better, and instead of always thinking how bad your cold was, you remember the good stuff before the cold. That is pretty simplistic, and a very shortened version of what grief is, but someday, you will look at the photos and laugh instead of cry, tell stories of fun times, and although you will miss that person, you never forget them if you were close.

When I was 15, my best friend was killed in a car accident. I thought the world was ending with the pain. Now its 26 years later, and I still think of her, as she was, but also wonder what she would be doing in life now. The pain is gone, but the memory of my friend will live in my heart forever.

I wish you well.

Answer 2

This question hits home with me. Several years ago I lost my 4 year old sister to bizzarr events.

I feel that if you liked the person who passed, the best thing to do is first accept that they have gone on. Next thing to know is you shouldn't "forget" that person. It's been several years and I still like to remember moments with my little sister, and once in a while it does cause me to cry a little bit. I think that only time can really heal the wounds that someone passing leave. It won't be as horrible several years later as the day it happened, I can tell you that from my experience; but it isn't just going to leave you if you liked/loved the person who passed. And, there is nothing wrong with missing someone, theres nothing wrong with crying about it. Death is not easy to deal with, and remembering the person's life will make the passing easier to deal with I feel.

Answer 3

There is no easy answer. As time goes on, you don't dwell on that person so much... but you will always miss them...

I would suggest spend a short time (a few days or weeks or months... you will know the right amount) with their pictures everywhere... look at old photos... feel the feelings... maybe even write about it for yourself, or maybe write a letter to them as if they were alive, telling them how you feel... and then after awhile, pick a couple of pictures you like, put them on display and put the rest away.

It's been 23 years since my dad died and 18 since my mom... and I still miss them from time to time...

Answer 4

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Answer 5

My little brother was killed in a car accident almost 6 years ago. I havent gotten over it, but I have been able to move on. I have peace about it now, so its ok for me to talk about him and see pictures etc. For my parents, it is a little more painful...obviously. A lot of people ask themselves what they could have done differently to change the outcome of the situation...or analyze the situation too much. I came to the point where I realized that while we did have our fights we still loved each other...and even though we didnt get along all the time he knew i loved him. That was when I was really able to get peace about his death. good luck to you

Answer 6

If have lost someone close to me and i wont lie its been 2 years and im still dealing with it. From time to time i still let out a good cry and i miss that person dearly. I often think i will never get over it but the truth is you never get over it you just learn to deal with it and keep that person in you heart. You shouldnt ignore the fact that this happened from time to time its nice to sit back and think of them.

Answer 7

I have had a few family members pass away in the last little bit! Its always hard at first but if you tend to remeber the happy parts about the person it usually won't take a toll on you.

Answer 8

keep memories and pictures because he or she would never want you to forget about them. Would you want your family and friends to forget about you? NO!!! if your feeling overly emotional about the death then write a letter expessing all of your feelings. you actually have to send the letter just express your feelings.

I hope this helped and it all works out for you.

Answer 9

I think it's best to be realistic. Honor their memory. Keep them & all the ways that they touched your life, alive in your day to day living.

Answer 10

each person grieves in their own way. there is no one way to move on. for some people it takes years, for others only a few days.