A brief history:
Wife and I have been married for almost a year. She never dated anybody other than me, I likewise never dated anyone other than her. We both “saved” ourselves for our honeymoon night. She is very much in love with me, and I can’t imagine one day without her. Our marriage was established on a solid foundation and we have the utmost trust and dedication for each other.
As of late, she’s been showing some strong inclinations of being Bi curious:
She’s told me of a married co-worker that she finds “hot”, and the thought of being with her (sexually) is a major turn-on.
We will occasionally (once a month, if that) watch porn together, she gets just as much of a rise out of girl/girl action as the girl/guy stuff.
During lovemaking, we regularly fantasize about another woman joining us in the bedroom and it drives her as wild than it does me.
2007-04-26 05:54:49 · 12 answers · asked by Joshua 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Lately she’s asked me to do something really bizarre: during foreplay, she really enjoys me tucking “it” down between my legs. This probably sounds ridiculous to most people, but to her, it a super-turn on. She’ll rub and massage my fake “pu**y” and it get’s her waaayy turned-on.
We’ve talked a little bit about taking it a step further (her and another woman). The problem is, up until now, I’ve been the one who’s instigated everything. I downloaded and showed her the girl/girl porn, I bought her the book, I tucked “it” down- and every bisexual/lesbian thing I’ve done, she has genuinely enjoyed.
She’s said that the concept of playing around with another woman sounds really hot to her. But she also thinks that she “...could never have the gusto to set something like that up” she feels that she “...wouldn’t even know where to begin in arranging something like that”.
2007-04-26 05:55:19 · update #1
My question:
Should I, as I’ve done in the past, initiate something?
Should I try to set her up with someone?
Or does she just want this to remain a fantasy?
Any couples/women out there with a similar situation?
To those of you that think I’m some type of “sex-crazed” pervert, you neither know us, nor understand the trusting relationship my wife and I share. So don’t waste your insults. I’m looking for thoughtful insight, and meaningful answers.
Thank-you.
2007-04-26 05:55:34 · update #2
dude enjoy ^_^
2007-04-26 05:58:53 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
This is why I respect but totally disagree with "saving" yourself sexually until you are married.
Other than that, I can totally relate. If you have done all these things and you enjoy it and aren't just going through the motions for her then definitely follow through. I had a similar opportunity and the relationship ended before I got my chance.
Here is where I suggest starting. Take some pictures for online (without your faces), post them on Craigslist.com and just see what kind of responses you get. Make sure you ask all respondents to send several pics. There are lots of fakes online. After you get some responses see how she reacts the possible reality of it happening. The other option is to go to Vegas, hit the clubs, be friendly with a woman (no hookers) you both like and let her know the deal. The stories about Vegas are real, I lived there 9 years.
The most important thing is that you both prepare yourself for the "after" effect. There can be some unforeseen feelings arise after such a scenario. She could end up liking women, sexually, more than you. You could realize that you want different experiences. You could both end up realizing you wish you hadn't followed through at all, feeling "dirty" or something. I think you are both very lucky to have such a open minded partner that LOVES you. Finally I suggest the Vegas trip because an anonymous person is less of threat after wards to make the decision to continue or not a lot easier. Go for it, I'm jealous. SMILE.
2007-04-26 06:23:56 · answer #2 · answered by Caliprinz 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
First off, damn that was long.
Anyway, okay yea. You're wife is DEFINITELY bi-curious. It sounds like she isnt comfortable actually participating in same-sex acts BUT it is a huge fantasy for her. Which is very common. Many women fantasize about other women & show interest in it but NEVER act on it either out of fear, denial or discomfort. I think it's great that you two are so open with eachother, BUT dont force anything on her. Make sure she knows the ball is in her court and you are down for whatever whenever SHE is ready. And if she merely wants to keep it a fantasy in her head, she should be able to do without any pressure. She may know that actually doing it wont be as enticing to her as the "thoguht" of doing it. OR she may be afraid that she'll enjoy it so much that she wont be able to stop. And in that case, YOU are the one who'll begin to feel the pressure.
2007-04-26 06:00:40 · answer #3 · answered by Raynebow_Diva 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you've got something that works, so go with it. By that I mean you initiating something she's interested in and her enjoying it. It sounds like you two do have a strong relationship. Go for it and initiate it like you've always done. Make sure you do your homework that. There's a difference between fantasy and reality and I'm sure you don't want to hurt your relationship by taking things further than you're both ready for. The Vet Tech and Raynebow bring up some good points too!
2007-04-26 06:01:23 · answer #4 · answered by carora13 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Most things that are fantasized about are the best at that stage, when it can be imagined, and sought after, the thrill of the thought. Once it has been done, it loses its shine and its a real disappointment, you'll be looking for the next thing that's just a bit more taboo. My suggestion: Fantasize, imagine, but leave it at that, you would risk your marriage to go further.
2007-04-26 06:00:04 · answer #5 · answered by american_muscle_101 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
My first word of advice is, than when you allow a third person to get in your relationship things can get really nasty. What about if she discovers she really is lesbian and likes that more? It could be that she only has the sexual desire and doing it will reassure her that she is straight.
Part of all this could be becuz you both didnt dated nay other people you closed yourselves to the idea of each other, without giving a chance of experimentation to cross your minds. So dude this is totally your choice if you think you can handle whatevr the outcome can be go for it :) Keep me posted.
2007-04-26 06:46:47 · answer #6 · answered by sabin_f5 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Have a talk with her, and ask her in the most supportive, loving way, what she thinks about her sexuality.
If she want's to further explore, I highly reccommend a book called "Doin One For The Team" by Simbaxxx. It's about swinging, but it covers bisexuality. I got it at Amazon.
My wife and I got into swinging because that's how she wanted to explore her bisexuality. Together. As long as you have a very solid marriage, and no jealousy issues, you'll be fine.
2007-04-26 06:07:07 · answer #7 · answered by gromit801 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sometimes it can be scary trying new things, as well as embarrassing, especially when it involves sex. If she is to shy to find someone on her own, I would recommend to try and find a woman that is willing to become friends with your wife first and willing to take it VERY slow. Explain to her that your wife is bi-curious but shy. And you don't have to let your wife know that this woman is into anything more than a friendship. But if you do decide to hide that fact at first, make sure the other woman is willing to go along with it.
2007-04-26 06:09:58 · answer #8 · answered by guitargirl252 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Let her make the call; anything else will be "YOUR" fault when it goes south; and traditionally introducing a 3rd party to a marriage does cause huge problems.
Good luck; enjoy it while it lasts.
2007-04-26 06:01:47 · answer #9 · answered by wizjp 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I suggest you arrange for the first experience with a high-quality pro. It lets you work with your schedule, eliminates any risk of relationship issues, and assures that she will now what she is doing so that it will be a positive experience.
2007-04-26 06:04:12 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
the only problem in bringing some one else to bed is, you have to make sure that person knows its just fun. its all fun and games until someone gets attached.
2007-04-26 06:00:05 · answer #11 · answered by The Vet Tech 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋