I am 24 and my boyfriend of seven months is 34. The age difference is almost 10 years. At this point it isn't a problem but I'm concerned it may become an issue in the future.
We have a very solid relationship - we are both working professionals who enjoy our jobs and are beyond the college, 'discovering ourselves' period. I feel we have no problem relating on the same level and have excellent communication. All in all, what we have is wonderful. . . he has mentioned marriage a couple times but I am quick to let him know I am not ready for that yet and he doesn't push it. A friend recently warned that 10 years may be ok now but that in a few years things may not be so great. I admit this scares me - in addition to this he has diabetes and I'm scared complications could result in some difficult situations for our relationship. Has anyone else been in a relationship with a similar age difference? Can you give me any advice on how you dealt with such issues?
2007-04-26 05:53:45 · 25 answers · asked by princesa948 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thanks for the respones so far. For the many who asked: Of course I love him, very much so. And I do NOT think he's old and outdated, that is ridiculous. I posted because I was curious to see what people thought after hearing my friend voice her opinion.
My real concern in this relationship isn't age - it's his diabetes and whether or not he will be able to take care of himself like he needs to. He is recently diagnosed and I realize it takes time to make a lifestyle change. I'm willing to continue supporting him but not ashamed to admit I'm scared about what could happen. He is overweight and really needs to make some big changes soon or the results could be very bad. His doctor has told him he won't see 40 unless he makes a committment to changing his lifestyle. Hearing that makes me upset because I love him and want him to be around in 6 years. I'm going to stick with him and see what happens... I appreciate everyone's advice - thank you.
2007-04-26 07:48:22 · update #1
It ain't ever the age, hon, it's the mileage... and in your place I'd be far more worried about his diabetes than his age. It is caused by his being over weight? Does he monitor his blood sugar extremely closely? Does he do all that he can to keep it under control? Look up all of the sequelae of diabetes... the list is huge. Decide if that is anything you could contend with as you both age together.... As my dad said, a smart diabetic can lead an almost normal life... a stupid one has multitudes of problems., and usually dies young of heart disease...
2007-04-26 06:03:12 · answer #1 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your question struck a chord with me. I am in a marriage with a 13 year age difference, I am 48 and my husband is 35. It can work, but like any marriage, it takes a lot of work, love, care, and patience. Also, we were advised about the age difference by well-meaning friends. Everyone had an opinion, but we were adults and made our own decisions.
You sound like you have a loving relationship. However, in marriage you have to be ready to take on "the good, the bad, and the ugly."
Millions of individuals have diabetes and live with it. With proper care, diabetics live long and wonderful lives. It's a medical condition, not a death sentence. However, left untreated, it could get ugly.
Best advice I can give you, is think long and hard about it and if you are willing to accept him as he is, for a lifetime, come what may, no matter what it is. If not, then you have your answer.
Best wishes and best of luck to you.
2007-04-26 06:12:42 · answer #2 · answered by Sr. Mary Holywater 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, I just turned 24 today on the 26th of April, and my boyfriend just turned 35 today as well... (yes we have the same birthday)... We have a 11 year difference...He has a great and stable career and im in college and work full time... He lives in Louisiana and I live in Mississippi.. I only see him once a week... Now, It actually depends on you and him... If you love him and want it to work out, then let him know everyday that you love him... don't just tell him.. actions speak louder than words... It also matters how you handle his diabetes... Ask yourself? are you willing to stick by him through thick and thin? Is this the man I want to be with? I love my boyfriend very much... I have had plenty of people tell me that it wouldn't work... but that isn't true.. don't listen to other people... listen to your heart and yourself... so your friend told you it might not be so great in a few years right? well thats for you to decide... don't rush into anything you don't want to rush into... I was married 7 years before I met my new honey.... My ex husband is 34... it has nothing to do with age... its all about you and him.... focus on what you want out of life... if he is good to you and you date him for a while before thinking about anything further.. give him a chance... Im giving mine a chance... Like I said I love my boyfriend with all my heart and im totally in love with him.... Maybe in a couple of years I might think about marriage again... We will see... Listen to your heart and head, not other people.... Do you love him? are you in love with him?....
2007-04-26 06:22:59 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are dealing with an issue that is NOT an issue...why are you trying to make it one. Stop worrying about all that can happen in the future, the future may never arrive, and if it does, it certainly will not be what you think it will be. It could well be that it is you who cannot keep up, it is you that has lowered sex drive. Take the gifts life offers and stop looking a gift horse in the mouth. 24 and 34 ??? You must think you are marrying a has been...wow, I am glad I am not him!
2007-04-26 05:58:15 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that once you've both passed the "25" mark (which you're practically there so we'll count it as such), it's no one's business but your own. Diabetes could cause the same complications even if he were your age.
I know of marriages that flourish in spite of an over 20-year difference. Typically, people tend to seek out someone close to their own age, but I don't think it's necessarily wrong to be with someone that's drastically different from you, age-wise.
2007-04-26 05:58:29 · answer #5 · answered by Scotty Doesnt Know 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have actually since 2 relationship like this fail... it's normally when your older 30 to 40 or 40 to 50 the gap becomes more noticeable. The key is that both of you have to want the same things out of life at the same time.
2007-04-26 05:59:55 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think of it this way; If you had met him, had this whole relationship and had never known how old he is and had assumed him to be more towards your own age, would you have doubts? Do you think either of your ages make any difference to who you are together and apart? If the numbers are the only things causing doubt, push it from your mind because it is mainly a socially imposed standard, and nothing more.
2007-04-26 05:59:57 · answer #7 · answered by Felix Q 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My boyfriend is 50 and I'm 40, the age difference nothing. My boyfriend also has diabetes, it makes no complications in our relationship. He takes care of himself and monitors his sugar, in fact he has said that I'm good for his diabetes. I quit smoking a few months ago and him & I walk every evening, now his sugar has gone down and he is using less insulison.
2007-04-26 06:06:19 · answer #8 · answered by Girly1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your problem with your boyfriend is not about age. It's about you thinking that there may be something better for you out there than an old diabetic. Well... you are the ruler of your destiny. But I will tell you a secret. Life is about caring for each other. Try this. Give all that you have and don't expect anything in return.
2007-04-26 06:16:55 · answer #9 · answered by Dreamer 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Why are you trying to make the age difference and his diabetes an issue? Who knows what the future will bring? You're concerned about his diabetes. What if you have a serious accident and end up wheelchair bound?
I think you just don't want to get married!
2007-04-26 06:01:41 · answer #10 · answered by missingora 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋