How do I break my 3 month old of having to be held all the time?

Question

She cries and screams unless someone is constantly holding her.

Answer 1

At 3 months old, you should never let your baby cry it out. That is teaching the baby that she cannot trust you and that their needs will not be met. When a parent refuses to hold a baby that is crying, they will later on be battling out behavioral problems, trust issues and a lack of affection from that child. A baby's cry at 3 months old is their only way to communicate with you. I know it can frustrating to hold a child that cries, however you should at least acknowledge your child, let them hear your soothing voice and see you. This will let the baby know that she can trust you and that you are responsive to her needs. Otherwise, your baby will become anxious and withdrawn and that is never a good thing. I would recommend letting your baby cry it out from time to time but only when YOU absolutely need the moment.

Answer 2

I have to agree with the other posters. The only way that you will be able to break her of this habit is to stop holding her all the time. That is going to be met with a lot of resistance from her. The important thing to realise here is that as long as she has been fed, changed, and is not ill there is no reason why it is not perfectly acceptable to lay her down. What I suggest is to do this around her nap time when she is sleepy. This way she will eventually fall asleep. After you have cared for her needs, put her to bed. Let her cry for 5 minutes and then go in and touch her and tell her it is okay. I know she is only three months old but it is important for her to know you are still there. Then wait 10 more minutes and if she is still crying do the same thing again. Then 15 etc. The MOST IMPORTANT THING is to NOT pick her up. It is the kiss of death and you will have to start all over if you pick her up. She is going to scream and be all kinds of upset but she will be okay. I had to do this with my daughter and there has been no permanent damage to her, I assure you. Good luck.

Answer 3

You need to let her grow out of it. "Breaking" a baby of anything is traumatic. Why not get a sling or Ergo or other carrier. It is vital for a new baby to learn that you are there to protect her and let her know that she can trust you absolutely to meet her needs?
When she cries, she is letting you know that she is frightend of this big strange world and being held clos helps her feel secure. Letting her scream will not teach her to feel trust and security. Holding her will.
Before you know it she will be pushing you away and demanding "Do it myseeeeelf mama!-)"

Answer 4

It is amazing how quickly that a baby or child will train their parents into doing what they want. You baby cries because you respond to it. Granted you will know the cries for hunger or something distressful, but this is something that she has trained you to do, and it probably did not take her that long to train you.
You will need to start putting her down and you will have to go through the crying, because it will happen. Pick a time frame that you will let her cry for and then start to increase it. It will take patience not to run in and pick her up to stop the crying, because that will be the first instinct, to know that the crying will stop with the contact, but you must resist that. She will start to adjust to being on her own and settle down, but you must be consistent with the behavior that you provide to her and that all people provide. It can not be that you do this, but your husband does not. It is OK when she is crying to check to see if she is dirty or wants food, but that is all, no holding. She will soon learn that her crying does not illicit the response that she wants and it will start to reduce and then not happen. Granted she will find other ways to get her parents to do what she wants, that is what humans do to each other, from the time that we are born, we attempt to control our environment and the people in it. Good luck.

Answer 5

i know its difficult to constatnly hold a child- i had 2 children in 2003 1 in Jan the other in Nov.- try to enoy her and take time out to hold her after that distract her with shiny toys that make noise or a toy mirror on the floor with her. my boys loved the swing and i positioned to where they could see me and sometimes they fell asleep in it giving me an opportunity to nap or get some cleaning done. Good Luck and God Bless.

Answer 6

I'm afraid the only way is to put her down and let her scream.
And you should not pick her back up when she is screaming.... only when she quiets down.
If you pick her up after 5 minutes as sugested, she will only learn that if she keeps it on long enough someone will pick her up eventually.
Leave her in the playpen, crib or chair,... keep working nearby try singing or talking soothingly throughout... play music if necessary... play games with her... anything to distract her from her tantrum... but don't pick her back up until she stops screaming...
Of course this will not only need be done once but several times before the habit breaks.
best of luck

Answer 7

Put her down and let her cry. Start with 5 minutes and add 1-5 minutes each time between holdings until you reach an acceptable level. Lay her down on the floor and give her something to distract her, like a toy, rattle, etc.

Answer 8

Well, other than letting her cry..... that's a tough one, since she's so tiny, there's not much you can do except hand her a rattle or something to act as a distraction. Usually at that age there is someone who is more than willing to hold them, so I always indulged my babies at that age!

Answer 9

The best way for me was to put my baby down and let them cry for a little bit at a time. The first time about a min or 2 then the next day try to go a little longer.
best of luck

Answer 10

Welcome to being one of those "stupid" {and I use the term loosely and not being mean by it at all so please don't take it that way} mothers who think they have pick their child up every freaking time they make a noise that doesn't sound normal. The thing is that your child needs to cry a little and screaming isn' going to hurt her I promise. Just lay her in the crib and let her start crying herself to sleep for afternoon naps. Its going to get on your nerves just al ittle bit but after about a week she should be doing so much better. Also buy a swing or a bouncy seat and put her in those when you can't hold her. Also USE THE TV. set her in her bouncy seat/swing or even car seat and put it in front of the tv and turn on eduication shows like dora the explorer adn blues clues.