I used to hear from one of my ex boyfriend's mom's by way of email about once a month for the last several years (the relationship ended in 2002). I've been married for nearly 2 years now and last November my ex boyfriend got married. His mom continued to keep in touch with me - I even asked her if it was allright and she said it was fine, that she asked her son and he was good with it. She even promised to send me pictures from their wedding. Well, it's now almost May and I haven't heard from her since December. Is it OK for me to just accept this and move on? It was always nice hearing from her, but kind of awkward too. I feel like it's best if I don't write her anymore...but think it's strange she didn't bother to send me their wedding pictures, especially since I had sent her mine a year prior. It doesn't matter - I guess I'm wondering why she hasn't written and if it's OK not to write until I hear from her first? And if she doesn't write, is it OK for me to just move on?
2007-04-26 04:12:10 · 22 answers · asked by Rachel 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
At first I was tempted to email her and just say hello, but I already sent the last message and haven't heard anything since. I just don't want to do the wrong thing or do anything rude.
2007-04-26 04:18:07 · update #1
This is a hard one because you are not doing anything wrong by emailing with her. It's not like she is calling you or inviting you out for lunches and things. I have to say that maybe her daughter in law found out she was emailing you and requested her not to - and now she is respecting that wish. I think it's cool that your ex boyfriend had no problems with you emailing his mom; that shows your relationship is still greatly respected by him. The best thing to do is just wait - if you hear from her, write back...if you don't, just let it go and move on. It's never easy because it sounds like you and his mom have a definite bond...but now that he's married, she is obligated to his wife - a position that could've been yours but you said no to. If it's meant to be, you'll hear from her again - if it's not, just leave it as is. It would be better for her to write to you and make the effort - rather then you always having to do it and initiate. Considering you are now married, just focus on your marriage and don't worry about her or them.
2007-04-26 04:22:12 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
YES and NO I think this is best to let it go for the moment. Yes its great you found a great friend and someone nice to talk too. It is more then likely after the marriage of her son… she could have had some guilt feelings about still talking with you. Or his new wife knows and felt deeply offended. After all you are the ex and it WOULD appear as if she prefers you over her. I can see the new wife feeling offended. If you two had kids sure... But not a “Just Because”. Its not too common for this to happen and doesn’t sit easy with people.
She seems too nice of a person to all of a sudden stop talking without an explanation as to why. You never know she maybe sick at the moment too… Or her computer is down or something.
Let things be a bit longer… give another 3 months or so... Then send her another email and see if anything comes of it. After all you two have created a nice bond of communication and would like to know why it has stopped. Nothing wrong with asking a straight forward question like that. It would be nice to know at least the reason why. I can see why it bothers you after all both you and your ex have moved on… The communication between the two of you has nothing to do with the past. It is purely a nice friendship.
2007-04-26 11:37:05 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Keeping up with the an ex is not always a bad thing. Maybe the mom liked keeping in touch because she had bonded with you. None the less, you have carried on this relationship with her and become a friend to her. If anything, you should drop her a line and see if everything is going well with her. The fact that you ask shows that you have concern but that you are trying to see if this is socially acceptable. The answer is yes. My mother in law still chats from time to time with my husbands ex girlfriend, she had been a part of the family for 4 years and is the mother of his oldest daughter. There is nothing wrong with caring on a relationship with someone with whom you have bonded with and feel them as family even though you are no longer with the reason for the bond.
I personally have the bond of a mother and daughter with my mother-in-law. I can honestly say that if my marriage ended tomorrow (which there is no chance in hell of that) that I would still talk to her, and not just because she is my daughters grandmother, but because she has become a friend.
2007-04-26 11:23:20 · answer #3 · answered by Christina Ford 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Anything could have happened. Her computer could have broke, or best thing I would think is she realized this was wrong sending you pictures of his wedding. Now, her keeping in touch with you is okay, but relaying things in his life is wrong. You both are married now. If you feel this strong about why she hasn't wrote, send her a short email asking how she is doing, nothing about her son. She may have stopped because she didn't want to create any problems.
2007-04-26 11:21:29 · answer #4 · answered by Krinta 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It is unfortunate but true that we lose a network of treasures when we sever a relationship with one person - that could be his lovely mom, his access to a certain place, his friend's fiance that you have such a bond with - even if everyone is 'ok with it' eventually, the present must transition to the past... Be grateful for what you shared, but best to let it slip away before negativity enters into the picture. I personally would be curious to see the photos, but in the grand scheme, would just have to chalk it up to a missed opportunity. dang it. As to why she hasn't written, unless you changed your email, don't worry yourself. Good luck - respect yourself, your hubby and this woman by letting this relationship sit dormant for now or forever...
2007-04-26 13:36:42 · answer #5 · answered by patricia C 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you sent the last message, let it go at that. It may be that she was secretly hoping that somehow you'd get back with her son if she kept in touch, and she's accepted her new daughter-in-law. If it was awkward before, it may have been awkward for her too, especially now that he's married.
2007-04-26 11:25:58 · answer #6 · answered by cross-stitch kelly 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
*I am leaning towards "you should move on" because it sounds like she (for whatever reason) has decided to not keep in touch with you, despite having told you prior that she would gladly send you pictures of her son's wedding.
-I think it's great that you tried staying in contact with her, and you even made one last attempt to get her attention.
.It's obvious she is no longer interested in staying "connected" with you, so I would just go ahead and carry on. Don't even worry about it.
**And if in the near future or whatever, she decides to contact YOU...then fine...go ahead and respond if you feel you need/want to.
-But as for now, you are better off just worrying about yourself...and wrapping it up w/ her.
**
2007-04-26 11:28:43 · answer #7 · answered by Shut your mouth when u tlk to me 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think as soon as her son got married, she might have mentioned to his new wife that she was still keeping in contact with you and asked if it was o.k. to send some pics to you, and I bet you anything the new wife got upset. Your ex's mom has a new loyalty to her new daughter in law, just accept it and move on.
2007-04-26 11:16:40 · answer #8 · answered by Lovebug123 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
It's not going to hurt anything to just write her.
Honestly her lack of communication with you might not even be related to your previous relationship with her son....at all.
The possibility DOES exist that (God forbid) something has happened to her. She could be in the hospital. Her brother could have recently died. She may have acquired a new job that takes up a great deal of her time. Or, let's face facts, she might have passed away.
I'm not trying to be funny here, or a sarcastic smart*ss or anything. I'm just saying that there could be more to the picture than first meets the eye.
2007-04-26 11:24:11 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
She may have sent you the pics but you didn't get the email. (Stranger things have happened.) The email may have gone astray and she might be wondering why you didn't acknowledge her email.
I would write to her and ask how the wedding went and did she have the pics yet. If she doesn't acknowledge your email you'll then know not to contact her again.
2007-04-26 11:21:08 · answer #10 · answered by skippa_10 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋