Is it me, or it is him?

Question

My husband has been so quiet lately. I ask him if he is okay and he say fine. A couple days later I asked him again, same reply, then asked him if he was tired (he hasn't been sleeping good), he said no, then said that he just didn't feel like talking, do I dropped it. I get home later that night and he was yapping on the phone (this call for 1 1/2hrs). I took a bath and he called someone else to yap (this call almost an hour). I sit down in the livingroom with him and said to him that when he said that he didn't want to talk he must have meant too me, then I asked him if he was mad at me for some reason not known to me, and he jumped at me and said NO! We haven't slept in bed together for 4days, he hasnt told me that he loves me as always, hug me, or kiss me. It is like he doesnt even want to be around me. I haven't done anything to make him mad at me! Do you think that maybe it is me? What can I do? It is tearing me apart that he is obvisously hurting & cant do anything!

Answer 1

The key to a successful marriage is communication.. and for some strange reason, he is refusing to communicate.

You are asking the right questions, but it doesn't appear that they are scratching the surface of what the problem is. Therefore, it's time to start sharing your own feelings about the situation.

Express to him how much his lack of affection and communcation have been hurting you lately. You pretty much feel shut out of his life, for some reason.. and you want back in.

Whether he is holding something from you, or just plain being unaffectionate and inattentive.. it hurts.

The doors of communication must be opened, or you're going to have two roomates moving about the house instead of a married couple. This must stop.

Be gentle, and remind him of how much you love him, and are there for him. Let him know that you're in his corner, and have always been since the beginning. Reassure him that he can reach out to you, and make it safe for him to tell you absolutely anything and everything that is on his mind. Hopefully he'll take you up on that.

Answer 2

This is very strange behavior on his part. Maybe you could try to ignore it for a few days (don't ask him what's wrong or how he feels or if he's mad at you) and see if he gets back to normal. Has he ever acted this way before? The first thing that comes to mind is that he's having an affair. I surely hope not, and without more information, it's hard to tell. Do you know who he was talking to on the phone? It sure doesn't sound like you're the problem. Something is going on with him that he doesn't want to share with you just yet. Just give him some space, and let us know how this turns out in a few days. Maybe he's just stressed out at work. Good luck with this.

Answer 3

That one is quite easy to figure. He has a gorl friend he is fornicating.

You can either bring it to a head and that will end the marriage very soon or you can just wait to see gow ti turns out. Most of these affairs do not last very long. You will know when it hits the rocks if you pay attention then you can do something about it.

Most married couple go through this. Some times the other never knows and nothing is said. Some times they just let it be and get on with life. Some times they part company bitterly.

I would suggest no matter what keep your head about you.

Answer 4

He is directing all this negative energy towards you so obviously its about you. Now is he mad at you or is he tired of you, I don't know but you better believe that you are the source of his frustration right now. If I were you I would give him space and time to figure out what he wants and what is going on. You have done the right thing by trying to communicate with him and ask what is wrong and what's going on and he won't tell you. I feel like there is someone else that he has his sight set on and you are in the way. If I were you I would leave for a couple days and not let him know where I was going just pick up and leave and let him sort out his feelings but you need to be prepared for the worse but pray for the best. Don't let him continue to disrespect you and yell at you when you have done nothing wrong---unless you are not telling us something because it really make sense to just all of a sudden stop talking with your wife and now you all are not even sleeping together- this is crazy.....leave him for a few days and see what happens, it will do one of two things. it will give him time to focus on what he wants and if its you he will open up and talk with you or two it will give him to courage to tell you that things are not working out and he doesn't want to be married anymore. Pray for your marriage and hopefully things will work out for you.

Answer 5

Having gone through this myself it sounds like he is cheating. It is not you. It's not your fault. Sometimes things just don't work out as planned. 4 days is a long time to not acknowledge someone. It's my opinion that something big is going on and he can talk to everyone about it for an hour and an hour and a half but not you. Good Luck but I would have to say if he doesn't open up it will be the end.

Answer 6

I don’t like this. Out of the blue he is acting funny like this. And he isn’t telling you the whys. I don’t think you are nagging him after all you waited a couple of days to approach him again …..nor did you become snoopy by asking who he was talking too. Something is up. Or he has received some kind of bad news. And isn’t willing to share it at the moment. Either way he needs to speak up.

This is a tell tale sign there is another person involved. Most likely only emotional so far. You have already given him enough space; this has gotten to the point where he is sleeping on the couch. And into day 4 of it. I really hope there isn’t another involved who is somehow manipulating the situation. Men are easy pray for “emotional” feelings… I think it’s a phase they go threw. They crave the attention but don’t think how it’s truly affecting them and the person they do love… till later… and realize they messed up.

You need to put your foot down. After all you are his wife or girlfriend and have a right to know why the sudden change. He needs to show a bit of respect and dignity.

Tonight you need to ask him out right what the hell is going on. Tell him he is acting funny… talking to everyone but me, your sleeping on the couch… you’re not telling me you love me and so on. Let HIM KNOW HOW YOU ARE FEELING…Even if this breaks out into a war do it…. People don’t need to act like this. There is no reason for it.. even falling out of love with your partner. If that is the case he needs to be upfront and not drag it out to the point where both of you hate each other.. and a even larger financial battle comes of it (anger cause more greed and revenge.. we all know that) … After all you have no idea as to why, nor do you believe, feel or think you have done anything wrong to create this.

If he doesn’t talk… pack a bag and head for a hotel for a couple of days (or friends place)… Get YOURSEFELF away from him. He isn’t being man enough to say what is on his mind then he can be by himself to “think”. Don’t tell him where you are going either. I know this will hurt … and hurt even more leaving to be left alone. You yourself will end up doing a lot of thinking... yet this may be a very good thing. Usually when you walk away from the situation for a bit your memory remembers things to give signs for the good and the bad. Maybe you will remember something that was said or done to give you a hint as to why he is doing this.

If you have kids and cant leave… ASK HIM TOO… so you can have some space because he isn’t talking to you and you want to figure out yourself the why. Be honest with him… after all you are stepping up to the plate and he isn’t.

This really isn’t fair to you at all. He is completely blocking you out for no reason and letting others in on the secret.

Answer 7

Well obviously there is something wrong with him, I think you should give him time, don't ask him anymore, and try to be as normal as possible, smile have fun he will notice that you are not bugged by the fact that he is pushing you around, and you do the same when he sees that your world is not around him he'll speak up either to tell you what's wrong with him or to ask you why you are acting different with him and that's when you tell him what's bugging you. allow him to miss you make yourself unavailable so he come after you.
Good luck!!! and let me know how it went!!

Answer 8

Sounds like your man might be seeing someone else. Either that, or he's bored with marriage. Give it a few more days. If he hasn't come around by then, tell he you need to know what's going on.

Answer 9

It is NOT YOU. Start making plans to live without him. It sounds like something that can't be fixed. Just proceed with plans to separate and if he is just being a big baby about something you are not aware of, he will tell you about it. Right now it sounds like he hates being with you. Be big enough to take it. You are young and have other opportunities. I am so sorry this is happening to you now.

Answer 10

I hope this is not the case, but many of the things he is doing are the tell-tale signs of an affair. Give it some time and if his behavior doesn't change, I would do some investigating.