Hi. My husband moved out the first week of April. He said he has emotionally detached & is not in love with me anymore. He said it is because for two years he has felt terrible about himself for the way I have treated him. When we argued, I treated him very poorly - I called him a loser, told him I was not in love with him, & I no longer wanted kids with him. He has lease until the end of May. How do I get him back? I couldn't feel any lower & nothing I say seems to be enough.
2007-04-26 03:16:26 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It is possible, but are you willing to work? Taming the tongue is an issue that i have to work on myself. It's Hard Work....
2007-04-26 03:19:53 · answer #1 · answered by Been There Done That 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There might still be a chance for your marriage to work out provided you do not degrade your husband like you did before. He was terribly hurt by the way you treated him. He has lost his self esteem. Perhaps, apologizing to him would be the first thing that you should do. Treating him nicely is the next. It might work out the second time around if you will only try.
2007-04-26 10:28:17 · answer #2 · answered by Reycen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If i were him I wouldn't give you a second chance. You should have kept the tongue in check when you had the chance. If someone is not in love with you and feels detached from you, then the probability of him wanting you in his life is slim. You need to work on how to argue the right way, and cut the name calling out of your vocabulary as it's highly childish to behave like this. I don't mean to sound this harsh, but in reality you had your chance, and I doubt that anything you say will ever matter to him again. You ruined his trust in you with your cat-calling and rude behaviour, so get on with life and let him lead his happily with someone more mature and loving.
2007-04-26 10:23:35 · answer #3 · answered by GirlinNB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's very possible but it's going to take a lot of time and a lot of patience and a lot of caring and understanding for you two to work things out.
You need to be less hurtful to him and try to talk out the arguing instead of yelling or calling each other names or saying hurtful things. You're never going to get him to listen to your side of the argument if you're just going to say mean things to him, he's just going to shut you out and he's going to feel hurt.
If you still love him, explain to him how sorry you are and how bad you feel about what has happened. Tell him that you're willing to work on how you are and how you treat him and you're willing to take as long as it takes to work things out with him.
If he says he'll think about it then that's a better sign than no. He has to have at least some emotions left for you for you guys to work this out. Some people can lose all feelings if they're pushed too far. So just try to work things out and hope for the best.
2007-04-26 10:26:16 · answer #4 · answered by Dollykins 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do you want him back? If you treated him so badly and said such terrible things was there anything good about the relationship?
It seems like you hurt him badly and he stuck it out for a long time. But people can only take so much and sometimes that can't be fixed.
I think you need to apologize to him and then leave it be.
2007-04-26 10:22:16 · answer #5 · answered by glbenner 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you could ask him. What can I do?
You could offer to go to marriage counseling AND anger management for yourself.
Women especially, have this same problem. When we get mad, we toss out the MOST hateful things we can think of, to protect ourselves or wound the other person.
I call it emotional archery. We carry our little arrows of pain around, then we shoot them out, devil may care. We carry arrows from the past. Things that the other person may have done years ago, but if it suits our needs in this one argument, we bring it up, shoot it right out there.
Try a sit down with him.
But, there is a good chance he is already dating someone. Is he the kind of guy to just walk away from things? Because unless he is, it's odd to just leave unless you have a chica on the side. Or he wants to date.
You do need to get a grip on your battles. My mom fought that way, said the most horrible things. I grew up doing the same back to her, tossing out the most hateful, ugly things, if it got me a WIN in that one argument.
With my dh, I have learned to bite my tongue, that it's okay to back down, it's good to say you were wrong. Practice those. Pray that God helps you become the wife He wants you to be.
2007-04-26 10:25:33 · answer #6 · answered by WriterMom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
send him a letter and tell him to forgive you , tell him you apologize for everything you did and for hurt him. tell him that you wish you can fix your mistakes and work on your personality.. tell him that now you realize how important he is for you and that you always knew he was such a wondeful man and that you cannot imagine your life without him. with all this being said , i would strongly recommend you to giv him space to think about things ..do not call him like crazy or stalk him , because he is going to pull away even more ...man are like rubber bands , he feels the need to pull away from all this pain because he doesn't feel worth your love and admiration ..let him know that you admire him , bring his ego back up , since you dropped it to the floor ...i am going trough teh same situation but we are not marry , i am seeing a psycologist because i was having anxiety attacks , and is working ..slowly , but shorty , he send me text messages and stuff like that , and i am just being patience ..i told him how i feel , so now i have to wait , he either come back or not ..but at least try to let him now your feelings..do not recrminate anything , right now he's always right and you are the only one wrong ..you will have time to talk to him once he comes back ...good luck my friend ! and please don't pushed him away anymore ....
2007-04-26 10:27:50 · answer #7 · answered by yaquese 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it took over 2 years of beating him down verbally to make him leave, you don't suppose its going to be fixed with one apology do you? If my wife called me a loser even once it would hurt, I can't imagine living with someone who was constantly trying to ruin my self esteem. You told him you don't love him and he finally accepted it, now you want him back. Accept what you have done and learn from it. It might help you in your next marriage.
2007-04-26 10:51:45 · answer #8 · answered by chinamigarden 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have done your job, he is gone. You can't treat people like that and expect them to come back for more. Too bad you are just now feeling low, should have happen before you tore down his self esteem. Too little too late dear...
2007-04-26 10:21:25 · answer #9 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
U may have ruined a good thing...u need to ask yourself why u did these cruel and hateful things to someone you supposedly were in love with???
2007-04-26 10:30:31 · answer #10 · answered by sunbun 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋