so- what i want to know is- how do you know you want to get married. i've been with my bf for almost 4 yrs now. we are both 26yrs old, have loving relationship, are best friends, & are just good people overall. we started dating right out of college, and have been ever since. i love him so much- but i'm scared to get married. i am scared that he will propose & i'll not be able to say yes.there is nothing about him that is a "deal-breaker" so to speak-i just don't know if i'm ready yet- he's been talking about it a lot lately. after 4 yrs, those "lovey-dovey" head over heels, infatuated feelings go away- yet i feel like when you want to/are ready to marry someone- you should feel that way. i know i want to get married one day & have a family. is it okay to go into a marriage-engagement with out feeling- "giddy" & so excited? how is it supposed to feel? or are we all fooling ourselves and living in a fantasty land of "happily ever after?" he is my best friend- is that enough?
2007-04-26 02:40:06 · 13 answers · asked by no_worries 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Love is not a feeling, except in hollywood. Lust, desire, giddy, excited are all feelings. Love is a behavior an attitude and a commitment. Its the decision that you care so much about this other person that you would do anything to help them achieve their personal best and live happy. The hard part is finding two ppl who actually feel that way about ea other at the same time...lol So it comes down to willingness. Are you willing to sacrafice for him? and he for you? Are you willing to commit to keep picking ea other up and dusting ea other off and loving ea other no matter what? If the answer is yes....then go for it. If the answer is no, it doesnt mean there is anything wrong with the relationship...it means you are not 19 and making impulsive decisions anymore...it means you are giving this decision the proper weight and contemplation to make the best possible decision with the info you have. I believe they could pick names from a hat and marriages would work whenever both ppl were willing. Hollywood sells us a bag of crap---we have romantic moments and loving moments and giddy silly moments---most of which, because we are adults, we h ave to make happen ourselves. There is no santa claus----if you want a surprise, then you have to say surprise me and if you want it to be just so...then you have to have the kind of relationship where you can tell ea other exactly what you need. Honesty is really the key. If you can be honest with ea other and still be supportive, loving and learn to laff at yourselves....you've got it. Some of us figure it out before we walk down the aisle...some of us waste the first 10 yrs of our marriage trying to remake ea other before we get it....sounds to me like you are ahead of the game...
2007-04-26 02:59:38 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been married for 12 years and that giddy, lovey-dovey feeling is not always there. But I think that is what committment is all about. That feeling comes and goes, but that feeling is not love. Love is an action verb. It requires alot of giving on both parts of the marriage. I think people who are chasing that giddy feeling are more tempted to cheat because that feeling comes when you meet a new person. I think having your husband be your best friend is definately a great way to start a marriage. You have to also like him sexually and be attracted to him,though. If the spark is fading in that area, try a few things to see if it comes back: Go on separate trips and see how much you miss him. Time apart can help alot and brings back some of those fun feelings when you get back together. Don't make is sounds scary like you are breaking up, just plan something and go for it. Visit a relative in another town or something easy like that. There are ways to keep your marriage exciting if you feel the fun fading: plan romantic dates, activities with other couples etc. Get involved in church and volunteer work. When i see my man getting involved in deep and meaningful things, I fall in love with him all over again. Another tip (kind of back to the distance thing) don't talk all day long about everything. Make a rule that you are only going to call each other or see each other once a day. When you see and talk to someone all the time, you lose some of the freshness of it all. You don't feel so desperate to see them. You don't miss them. One thing couples do to keep things fresh, is to have a time of no sex until the wedding day. If you are already sexually involved, this would involve starting over in that area. Sometimes when something is put off limits, it becomes very desirable again and mentally stimulating because it's "taboo". If these tips work and bring back the fun feelings again, then I would say you are ready for marriage. Because those are things that married people do to keep things exciting with each other. It's a process and takes alot of giving and planning to make it work over the long haul. But worth it!
2007-04-26 04:39:01 · answer #2 · answered by lauriehare 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am all for marriage, but only if you know that you know that you know you love him. I love my husband and I love him very much and I had butterflies in my stomach the first day we met and went out and to this day I still have those butterflies, who says that you can't live happily ever after. I love him today more than ever. Nothing is perfect and we have our ups and downs but I would suggest you keep a good line of communication and lots of great sex. I say this all the time and some disagree with me but if you have an overall good relationship and you are able to communicate and have a great sex life, everything else will fall into place. It sounds like you are worried that things will change for the worse once you get married but I am here to tell you that things got even better for me after marriage. If you love him like you say you do, go for it, don't let the fear of the unknown stop you from living in happiness, you are doing great now so why would things change. Just take time and weigh your options, sit down and write down on one side all the good points and on the other write down all the bad points and I'm sure his good will outweigh his bad. Don't let anyone pressure you into doing something you don't feel comfortable with but I think you will do fine with marriage. Good luck to the both of you
2007-04-26 02:59:13 · answer #3 · answered by Pegi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am 28 and I believe that you should get married when you are ready. For me the head over heels love should never go away. It sounds like after 4 years you have just gotten comfortable with him and expect him there. Ask yourself how you would feel if he found someone else because you don't want to commit to him. My ex husband was and is my best friend and that was not enough to keep us together. My soon to be husband and I make sure that we don't get to that point were we are not head over heels for each other. You have to make it what you want of it and if he should propose and you say yes feeling the way that you do then you are lying to him and that is not fair to him. Good Luck!
2007-04-26 02:47:52 · answer #4 · answered by peachesgirl1212 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but doesn't sound like he's the right one for you to settle down with. You really need more than "best friends", it would be settling otherwise. It's important to have that mind-body-soul connection, to be excited by every look and touch, and that does remain and grow over the years. There's something to be said for pheromones and chemistry. Sex isn't the be all and end all of a relationship, but it's an important part. I get excited each day when I see my husband after we are parted by the day's work, and he is the same - and we are married almost 18 years.
Don't settle - chalk it up to having dated a lovely man and it was a wonderful experience for both of you. Wait until someone rings your chimes.
2007-04-26 03:41:27 · answer #5 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey, I've been married for nearly 7 years. You kinda just know. Can you go a day without talking? Do you stare at him and smile every time even when your mad? Can you get mad and stay mad at him? In today's world you need realize marriage is beautiful. If you choose to get married make sure you say yes from your heart not for anything else. For me every morning I still get a "love you babe" and a kiss before he leaves anywhere. Everyday is like falling in love with him all over. We got two children. Nothing has changed. We have always been Best Friends. You sound like you are happy but scared of the what if... Trust your own emotions. Don't plan nothing it just happens all at the right time. Relax and enjoy loving him and go from there...
2007-04-26 02:53:28 · answer #6 · answered by greek_gdess 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mindbogg & Laurie put it very well!
Real love is in a lot of ways helping your partner become all that they can!
Supporting & helping each other to fulfill each others dreams!
What more could you ask for?
The way I see it, a relationship has a few major parts.
Want. You want to be with this person, enjoy time with them & look forward to time together. (Not always, but mostly.)
(Apart time can be good also.)
Enjoyment. Enjoying being with this person. As some put it, they make you smile when you think of them. (Even after all these years. lol)
Support. You each support each other. The want to see your partner grow as best they can.
Sex. Sex and sexual compatibility does make a difference.
It is a major part of a relationship, and the sexual chemistry can make a big difference.
Trust. Pretty self explanitory
Communication. Self explanitory
As far as getting married, do it when and only when it feels right.
You are welcome to email me, click on my name & the link to send email. (You suggested in your last question.)
I do have some suggestions to add some spice to things! : )~
Rockmeister : )
2007-04-26 05:50:33 · answer #7 · answered by Rockmeister 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well....Im not married and im not over 26, but I wanted to give my opinion/expeirence anyways (sorry!!)
I am 23, my fiance (as of 2 wks ago) is 24. We started dating senior yr of college and moved in together after a yr together, moved out of state on our own. We have been together 2.5 yrs.
He is my best friend as well, and you're right-the giddy feelings do go away somewhat afterwhile. But, when he asked me to marry him- "yes" came out immediatly, there was just no question. I am more than excited to be married to him, but i'm not necessarily skippig around, giddy, butterflies in my tummy love struck teenager happy! :-p
You need to spend some time thinking about your relationship...
Can you picture anyone else as the father of your children? (if you wish to have them)
Can you imagine you and him together at 90 yr old sitting on the front porch?
Will he support you and go through the hard times with you?
Is there anyone else in the world you would rather spend the rest of your life with?
Can you imagine your life without him and his family? Holidays? Vacations? Weddings? Funerals? All the trials and tribulations of life?
For me, I didnt get the crazy butterflies in my stomache, I don't think you need to! Sure its nice, but that feeling is not what makes your love last. Its the committment and respect and friendship that you share with one another.
Theres no one who understands me, sticks up for me, talks with me, is there for me, and loves me more than this man. I know thats enough to make a marriage last-with or without "lovey-dovey head over heels" :-)
Best of luck to the two of you, if you really feel your 'just friends' its better to find that out now than after your committed into a marriage. Just take some time to think about your future-and if he's in it
2007-04-26 02:53:57 · answer #8 · answered by Katie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should most definitely know if it`s true love or not after 4 yrs. It`s ok to wait awhile if your not comfortable with marriage just yet. You`ll know when the time is right.
2007-04-26 02:49:54 · answer #9 · answered by MISTY 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The wife and I were engaged (just out of high school)
for 5 years before we were married (she was 23 and
I was 22) -- can't discribe the feeling as "giddy", and
although she was chomping at the bits, i was apprehensive.
Guess it worked out o.k. -- we've been married 41
years and i've never been sorry.
best to ya whatever you decide
2007-04-26 02:50:12 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋