My Parents don't want us together....?

Question

I am 16 years old. I was raised to act mature. I am in LOVE with my 16 yr old bf....and his family luvs me! But my mom has started being really mean.....and doesn't let me see him! But has this happened to any of you?
I cant talk back or anything....(even give my opinion!) I don't want to get sent to another state.....any suggestions?

Also...I didn't do anything wrong....and he is a really really good guy. I tried to talk to her...(but she tells me I have an attitude problem)! I seriously don't! Everyone thinks I am the nicest person they know!! But.... I know I am young...and she doesn't want me to get hurt...but for some reason..she don't trust me anymore!! Thanks for your help! : )

ha ha....I am also on birth control and understand consequences of EVERYTHING! It is hard because we only have each other...we don't see each other! He has parents problems...and so do I....! I will graduate when I am 17.....and I was told...I can't move out till I am 18! I AM 16! It is kinda hurting our relationship..because I am sad from not seeing him and it is hard for him to think he is causing all this! BUT THANKS EVERYONE FOR YOUR HELP!
p.s.- I would get sent out of state to live with my aunts (that is what my mom did to my sister and my mom thinks it solves all her problems!)

Thanks again....but I risk not seeing him for months and months at a time! She doesn't even let me talk to him on the phone or anything!!!
I've tried everything from talking to her to trying to ignore it. It hurts on the inside because we are so close...but yet...not allowed to be together.....

Answer 1

You know, when I was 16, I thought I was in love with a girl. I thought she was all I ever wanted, But, I made a promise to my mother not to go through high school stuck to one person and end up being miserable the rest of my life for lost opportunities. I explained it to the girl and she agreed with me. From then until I was 24, I dated several wonderful girls and had so much fun. When I met my wife, I knew, based on my experience, that I wanted her as my wife and I proposed on our first date. 1 month later, we were married. 19 years later, I am still madly in love with my wife and am so glad that for once in my life, I listened to my mom.
Actually, I listened to her a lot and learned a great deal from this woman who Loved me unconditionally and only wanted to see me happy. What I am trying to say is that while you may feel that you love this boy now, You don't know how you will feel in a year from now and if you spend all of your youth on him alone, you may come to regret the lost opportunities which will turn into a resentment of him for what he took from you. Please don't rush into anything that you will live to regret. If you were raised to be mature, then you should understand that the mature thing to do is Honor your parents and Respect yourself enough to slow things down a little. As it sounds like you are already having sex with the young man, you should start getting prepared to be a mommy soon and on your own because your young man won't stick around when he finds out your pregnant. Don't tell me that you practice safe sex because the only safe sex is no sex.
I am sorry that you can't talk to your parents about this because they are who you need to talk to. As a father of 5 daughters I found that when I talk to them with an open mind and not throwing accusations around, I accomplish more than when I yell or threaten or make unrealistic demands. I think that you are an intelligent young woman who needs to slow down a little and realize that you won't be young soon and will regret the things you missed if you don't slow down a little.

Answer 2

Ugh, you're in a really sticky place.

I'm sure your mom THINKS she has your best interests at heart. And, maybe she does...and maybe she doesn't. If you ever think it is possible (which it may not be), find a time to sit down with her, tell her that you want to talk in a rational way (no fighting), and find out why she doesn't want you to be with him. Then, tell her why you think he is a good thing for you. Avoid the word "love" since that could be what is freaking her out. Tell her how much he respects you, how much better you feel about yourself now, whatever.

If there is no chance of that working, then you may be stuck, honestly. The only way around that is to file for emancipation, which means your life is going to get much more difficult.

The exception is if you plan on going to college while still living with your parents. Although I'm not much of one to recommend sneaking around, you can talk the boy into meeting you between classes for lunch and such--your parents don't have to know.

You'll be 18 soon. It's not a cure-all, but some things do get better.

Answer 3

Remember this:

People evolve or grow, you and your friend will grow and the growth process may or may not involve each other. So why rush to act like grownups. Get off the Birth Control, dont leverage your body by having sex. Make good friends, that is what this stage of life is supposed to be about. Don't succumb to urges, reach for the larger fruits in life such as family, friendships, learning, athletics, hobbies. Hubby will come later when you are built up a asset base (no not the anatomic thing), its kinda like life experiences, degrees, skills, maturity, responsibility etc.

Taking one a day is not what responsibility is all about!. Remember that all these years you have had many friends but the circle of friends changes, so don't rush to string yourself up, if you live responsibly and well, you will live to be over 100 (thats 84 years or more) so lighten up, and focus on the school work and friendships and social activity, go volunteer at a womans shelter you will see what getting strung up early and without a solid base of assets is like. Don't grow up be a kid.

Answer 4

Could be a lot of things but in the end, you are 16 and she's responsible for you until you are 18.

Definitely worth talking to your mom but in the end I guess you'd have to ask yourself if you trust your mom or not. She may be worried about you, and/or maybe something has tipped off her intuition about your boyfriend. She could also be freaked out if she feels you are growing up to fast and/or developing too quickly.

You mentioned that you LOVE your 16yr old bf. Don't let it cloud your judgment, love to you is completely different then love is to your mom at 30 something. You have nothing but time with this guy and things can change like the weather when you are 16. But your mom may see you getting too close to this guy and possibly making decisions that will cast your life in stone for the next 20 years.

Give her the benefit of the doubt and listen to what she is trying to tell you. She's taken good care of you so far. Your relationship with your boyfriend will survive a week or two off. You'll have a relationship with you mom probably for the majority of your life.

-Rob

Answer 5

I think that you need to sit down with your mother and have a serious heart to heart. Maintain that you don't want to be arguementative but that you want to know how she feels and why she feels that way so you can fully support her decision. During that conversation you can also give your input as well, but don't turn it into an arguement or you'll never be able to see your boy. Make compromises if at all possible, like if she doesn't want you two alone you can hang out in the living room. There could be something that possibly swayed her trust in your relationship (not necessarily her trust in you) and you need to assure her that everything is okay.

Answer 6

I dont no excactly what you going through, but i can relate, when i was 16 i had a boyfriend i was in love and nothing could have been better, continuesly i had people (these people being my so called friends) telling me that it wasnt going to last that we wernt in love and so forth, eventually we broke up! We let other people control our relationship, and now im 18 and i still love him more then anyone in the world and i would do anything for him and to be with him.

So if your love is so real you cant let him go because you will never get over him you may move on but there will never be another him!!!

And as hard as it is, and as much as you love your family you should try and explain your situation to them after all that would be the mature approch? Dont start it with a fight take the direct approch, after all honesty is the best thing!!

Good luck!!

Answer 7

There is not much your mom can do if you see him behind her back. Also at 17 you may move out on your own especially if you've graduated. I'd put my foot down and tell your mom you are not a child and will not be treated like one and that she needs to respect you and your relationships. You can refuse to move to another state once 17.

Answer 8

First of all hello. and honey you are only 16 LIVE YOUR LIFE A LITTLE MORE!! almost the same thing happened to me I was the oldest of 4 girls and my dad was very strict with me I was 17 when i went to live with my now husband but its been very very very hard to stay together I didn't lived my life the way I would've wanted to but I went to live with him because it would make my parents mad! that's the main reason why i did it but it ended biting me in the butt because its not them that suffered the consequences it was me. do you think that you really love him? if your answer is yes why don't you guys try giving your parents a little bit of time and space so that they can realize that their little girl has grown up maybe they will not let you see him because they think that he is going to take their little girl away from them I know because i would think the same way with my little girl. try talking(the both of you) with your mom without your dad in the room but I suggest no shouting and don't get angry at her she is only trying to do what comes natural to mothers witch is protecting our kids and she might be trying to save you a heart ache too so don't be too hard on her remember she is your mother after all and remind her that she owes you at least to hear your reasons remember that you both are flesh and blood do not let a boyfriend get in between both of you IF HE LOVES YOU HE WILL WAIT FOR YOU IT DOES NOT MATTER HOW LONG IT TAKES and in under what conditions your parents give you guys.(I know it sounds corny but its true) so have patience a lot of it!!!! . good luck!

Answer 9

why don't you talk to you're mom and let her know how you feel. what did you do for you're mom not to like this guy. is he a nice guy ? I'm sure you're mom wants the best for you. take care. good luck .

Answer 10

Well, your mom doesn't have to know about the relationship. I didn't tell my mom until she found out herself but she couldn't do anything but accept it. The more she tries to tear you guys apart the closer you will become. Maybe try explaining that to her. Don't let anyone get in the way of love. My guess is she's just worried about you and teenage pregnancy. Sit her down and explain your feelings.