Last year me and my friend had a baby together trust me no one was more shock than me that i was pregnant since we had protection at the time. Anyways we had alittle girl and she's 5 months right now and doing very well. We can't take care of her like we wanted to so we decided to place her in open adoption. The parents we picked are really nice and we still get to see her. About 2 weeks ago we had to go to court and give up our rights as parents and it was very hard on both of us but we wanted what was best for her. In the begining we still were around eachother and talked but then when we sign papers to get our court date we rarley spoke to one another in court was the first time iv'e seen him in months. I ask him to talk with me about it and he text me saying that he couldnt talk about it and doubts he ever could. That mad me so angry because he may not need to but i do he promised me that he would always be there if i ever needed someone to talk to. Is it wrong that i'm angry?
2007-04-25 17:26:59 · 9 answers · asked by Dark_Fire_Angel 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
It isn't a matter of whether or not he needs to talk about it, but if he can. It sounds to me that this whole thing has been a very emotional burden for him and he can't find it in himself to talk about it right now.
He may say that he never will be able to, but that may change as he is able to cope with the feelings. Give him time.
If this was a different situation where the two of you were very close, such as in a marriage situation, then I would say that he should be able to come to you and talk to you about it. But since that closeness and connection is not there, it is understandible that he would not be able to do this.
2007-04-25 17:51:45 · answer #1 · answered by BoranJarami 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not wrong that you're angry. I'm a mom, and I can't even begin to imagine how crazy you must be going right now. What you did was very brave and selfless, and unspeakably hard. You need someone to talk to. I would bet anything that he is so upset he doesn't even want to think about it anymore and you probably won't hear from him for quite some time. You're going to have to find someone else to talk to. I wish I knew of some resources, but I don't. Good luck. I wish I could help somehow.
2007-04-26 00:33:19 · answer #2 · answered by Elaine 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, dear, not at all. In case I forget to say it in this post.....thank you for giving ur beautiful child to a couple who can take very good care of her. It is people like you that ALLOW others to have a family.
Now let me add, you and your boyfriend are really emotional and you both should be. Men have a different way of handling things than women. Men shut it out, get drunk, do stupid crap. Most of all, they do NOT want to talk about it. I am sure that he feels terrible about what he has done to YOU and YOUR baby.
I am just curious about the grandparents. Didn't they have any advice or desires about the baby girl?
Women are different. We like to talk about our emotions. Now I recommend a good friend or ur mom to talk to. YOU have to talk about this. But son't get down on yourself. You did a good thing. As the years pass, you will see. Your daughter will appreciate the life that you gave her. She will have 2 mothers because one day she will be looking for you and will want to know you. I just don't want u getting depressed over this. Remember, above all esle, that you gave her LIFE...no abortion......and u gave her a second life by giving her to someone who can nurture her, love her and provide well. She has a FAMILY and this matters.
I will keep u in my prayers. Keep ur chin up, girl, u did the right thing. And also, u don't need the baby's dad telling you anything or mixing u up. If u have not heard from him, leave it like that. Most of them are just a$$holes to begin and END with.
Take care of yourself. You and your baby will be just fine.
2007-04-26 00:38:35 · answer #3 · answered by Karen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No Its not but at the same time You have to view his feelings too.He may thought the giving away his daughter was a great idea for the Baby. But grieving is only a part of life.Give him time to deal with the fact that his rights have been revoked from ever having custody of his daughter again.
2007-04-26 00:39:02 · answer #4 · answered by james w 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ohhh look no one could no how this would affect either of you ...niether of you should of made these promises ...ohh i feel like crying for your pain is sooo real ....i think you need to see a real councelor about this or these feelings will haunt you for ever ..you have done what you felt the best thing for your child ..now you have to come to terms with that decision ...so so does your friend ...there is nothing to say you have to deal with it together or in the same way .. these emotions are not predictable if you know what i mean ...... gl
2007-04-26 00:38:43 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ive been there,
I was 17,and my girlfriend was 15,
we both agreed to put our child up for adoption.
It was the best thing for the child, considering we were
both so young,
Just like your case we were friends at first but after
the whole ordeal,we could never see eye to eye again,
and couldnt get along after that.
It must the whole trauma of it ,or the overwhelmness,we
could never get along after that....
Stange...cant say why,
good luck,,,been there
2007-04-26 00:39:12 · answer #6 · answered by 4 strings 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have every right to be angry but I am sure that you probably remind him of the pain of giving up his child and maybe it is easier not to see you. Try to understand how it is for him and I would find someone else to get support from.
2007-04-26 00:29:45 · answer #7 · answered by wantajeannie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe he was hurting until now. its his child also and the fact that the child is his first baby but he had to give up his rights for her. just give him enough time because maybe talking about it makes him more hurt. all you have to do know is to understand the situation for know then talk about it later when his ready.
2007-04-26 00:36:07 · answer #8 · answered by NOEMIE08 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sound like both of you are feeling kind of down. now that
you have given up our daughter. which is normal she was
someone that you carried for 9 months. but as for him he
proabably sad as well. i would sit dow and talk to someone
about what has happen.both of you need counseling.
2007-04-26 00:33:20 · answer #9 · answered by luckystar 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋