i returned home in 2001 to our 35y/o family 2flat. my mom is sickly but very strong willed. i am the most dependable child of her 3 children and i am the youngest. im a single young mom of a 17 and 8 year old. my fiancee will be returning home from the service in 4 months and soon will get married. my mom has refinanced our home a couple times and she is almost max out of her equity.last yr she found herself regrettfully getting into a adjustable rate and now trying to get out of it. im new to this mortgage game(she is very secretive)and im now in my thirties playing catch up. i pay rent and i provide other resources of money to help her get by but she still wants more money. she doesnt want to rent my apartment for fear of unreliable tenant, she doesnt want me to live with her,she feels i am not tidy enough..i want to move my kids out this neighborhood. but i dont want to leave my mom alone.i tried to get her to sell .i still have to have ask to wash clothes and use the garage!!!
2007-04-25 15:45:25 · 9 answers · asked by JAYE 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Move, she has made it this far she will do fine. She alone has gotten herself into this mess and it's not your job to clean it up. No daugher should have to ask to wash clothes or the use of a garage. Get married and be happy.
2007-04-25 15:56:40 · answer #1 · answered by Krinta 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
To be honest it sounds like your mum is either really bad with money or has a problem. The first thing that came to my mind was gambling. If she is an internet gambler she may be losing money hand over fist and about to lose the flats. My second thought was that she is more than "sickly". It may be that medications and healthcare are costing a fortune.
She may not want you to live with her because of either scenario - she doesn't want to get busted gambling or she is so sick that she doesn't want you all to know and worry.
It's hard to comment without all the facts.
Either way I guess it's time to make a decision. Either tell mum that when you're married you're moving out to buy your own home and stand on your own 2 feet, or better still, tell her that you will buy the flats, and she can be your tenant.
Option 2 will mean no relocating, acquiring an asset for yourself and your husband to be, (if he's in the service they may have some great low interest loans for purchasing a home! I know that they do here in Australia), as well as freeing your mum of the responsibility and stress of making mortgage payments. The only problem would be if she didn't pay the rent, but then again it's your mum!
Even though a mortgage is scary if you're new to the idea, it's better than renting and paying off somewone else's asset.
If your fiance is in the service, and it is his career and he will stay there for the future, then he has a steady well paid job. That's the main worry with a mortgage - what if I lose my job? You'd have to be pretty bad to lose a services job.
Your mum may not wish to sell. But if you put it to her that by selling to you, she stays put and some stranger doesn't get her home.
Hope this helps a little.
Cheers
Bronco
2007-04-25 16:09:12 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds as if your mom is somewhat like my mom. The day I told her I was moving back home (300 miles on the other side of the state to where we grew up) is the day she "coincidentally" told me she'd need to start charging me $600/month for rent so she could catch up on her taxes so they wouldn't put our house up for public auction.
I am only 20 and realized it was time to start supporting myself and my son in my own house. Being that you are in your 30s with your own children, soon to be full family, I would say it's time to get out. I know you don't want to "screw your mom over" but sometimes it's the only way to get out. She will find a way. You will need to move on sometime soon if you're getting married so I'd say the sooner the better so that your marriage will be easier to adjust to as well.
Besides wanting more money, she has the decency to tell you you're not tidy enough and make you ask permission to do laundry? Not to be rude, but it sounds like you need to get out of there anyways. Having your mom still nag you when you're a grown adult can't be healthy for you and your kids.
Good luck!
2007-04-25 15:55:59 · answer #3 · answered by Just Me 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mother seems only too eager to accept your help in the form of money but not willing to accept your help in any other manner. I understand you wanting to help your mother BUT you have YOUR own children to think about. You have to raise them and not your mother. It seems to me that all the talking in the world and advice won't do her any good and the best thing you can do for her is nothing. She has to learn to be responsible and you have to set the example for your children. What about college for your 17 year old. What about home ownership for you. You become a parent and hope that they will have better and you seem to have to opportunity to make that happen but you are torn between your mother and your kids financially. Your children should come first. Your mothers irresponsible decision should not cost you your family and her decisions should never become your sacrifices. You have to tell her that you are sorry and the only form of help your are ABLE to offer is in the form or selling the house or renting it out, NOT giving her any more money. That just sounds fishy to me.
2007-04-25 15:57:34 · answer #4 · answered by Sarah B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whose name is the title in? If not yours, don't worry about playing ms fix-it. You gotta look out for you and your kid first. If you need to move out then do so. Or demand to see her bills so you know why she is asking so much $$. If she doesn't know what she is doing then explain to her that she needs to seek financial counciling. Don't let her suck you in...you need to be strong so you can raise your own kid. Tough love is just that ...tough, on you both but the sooner you do it the better.Good luck
2007-04-25 15:53:06 · answer #5 · answered by dave k 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to start making decision based on the best interest of your children and you. Sounds as though Mom has lots of options, and two other children to think of. She also sounds, not only controlling, but also, selfish. Do what is best for you!!
2007-04-25 15:52:19 · answer #6 · answered by lollipop 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
thats a tough one, mainly because your mom is set in her ways and unwilling to participate in her own situation. ever heard of dave ramsey? he wrote "total money makeover", available in any book store. it has been a life changing book for many many many people. but first your mom has to be willing to change. what is your mothers total income, and what is her total debt????
2007-04-25 15:50:08 · answer #7 · answered by greatceasarsghost 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ouch - this is a sticky situation.
you may have to take her to court and have declared incompetent. I know, its messy, but it may be in her best interest especially if she is not making wise decisions.
i do not envy you
good luck to you
2007-04-25 15:49:36 · answer #8 · answered by island3girl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What's the question?
2007-04-25 15:54:33 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋