I cant stand to be around my parents. I think I hate them!!!!?

Question

I cant stand to be around my parents. If i be around them we are only going to end up arguing. So i stay as far away from them as possible. I am 16 years old and a senior in high school. I make straight A`s and never give my parents any trouble. But i have to be home at 11:00 and cant go out after 8. They dont trust me at all. I mean, i cant even date boys. What kind of crap is that? I have to sneak and meet them somewhere. I hate being here with them so much that i got me a job. I am so grateful for that job because it is less time i have to spend at home with them. It has gotten to the point where i dred coming home. My parents are too strict and dont trust me at all. When my brother was my age they treated way better and gave him more freedom. I honestly dont think there is an hour that goes by that i dont dream about the day i graduate and move off to college. I only have one more school year. Then it is all over, but for the time being could someone help me?

Answer 1

OK, I'm NOT going to tell you exactly how old I am, but suffice it to say that I am quite a bit older than you. Don't be too quick to dismiss me as the enemy yet though because we do have something in common, we both DON'T ENJOY BEING AROUND OUR PARENTS!

The 1st thing I want to advise you on is the trust issue. You want your parents to trust you more. Well the more you fight them for independance, the less they are going to believe that you are ready to handle things on your own. One of the pitfalls to being a person your age is you want everything NOW. In order to get your parents to relax the grip they have on you, you need to start SHOWING them that you are becomming a mature & responsible person. Arguing & complaining about curfews, & other family restrictions, & complaining that you aren't being treated fairly has a tendancy to depict you as a child in your parents eyes, & not a maturing young adult.
I am afraid that I have to agree with your parents that at 16 you should be home by 11:00 pm. Where I live any person under the age of 17 can be arrested by the police for vagrancy if they are found out on the street after 11:00 pm.
I am not sure that I can grasp their logic on the "can't go out after 08:00pm" thing though. Given enough time I would suggest that would be the 1st area you could have them loosten up on. Maybe they could make it closer to 09:00 pm or 10:00 as long as you are demonstrating to them that you ARE maturing more.

I am afraid that I don't agree with your statement when you said your parents don't trust you at all. If that were true, you wouldn't get to go out at all EVER! So they must be able to trust you somewhat.

I think at 16 you should be able to start exploring relationships with boys. In this instance your parents may be in a bit of denial that their precious little girl is growing up.
So try to sympathise a little when you talk to them, your growing up is tough on them too. I suggest that when you talk to them about this subject that you, #1 stay calm. For sure, tell them about how you feel when they try to keep you from going on dates with boys, but try to keep from getting angry at them for trying to have you do it in a controlled way.
If you can tell them that you are ready to accept getting into dating boys in stages that are acceptable to them, then you would be willing to go along with whatever restrictions that they would want to start with as long as you can somehow get the ball rolling in this area. After all, I don't think they want you going out into the world as an adult totally unprepared for boys because you have never been on a date in your life.
It would be far better for them (as well as you) if you have been on a few dates with boys BEFORE you go off to College.
But whatever you do, don't be sneaking off on dates with boys without your parents knowlege. That for sure will spoil what little trust they have in you now if you get caught, & YOU WILL GET CAUGHT. Here's what you do. If there's a boy you like, & want to date him, then invite him home to your house after school, & have him meet your parents. Make sure he's on his best behaviour in front of them so that they will get to know him AND TRUST HIM too.
If he succeeds in winning your parents approval, then you stand a better chance of having a parent sanctioned date with him.
I know it sounds pretty old fashioned but consider what happens if you don't have your parents meet this boy when you say you want to go out with a guy who; for your parents,is a total stranger.

I hope you don't think that I am totally siding with your parents here. No, I am really trying to give you the advice you need that will help you earn your parents trust. Already you are learning that trust isn't something that is instantly given to you simply due to your advancing age.

One of the things that I think you are already doing toward that purpose is that you are working at a job. That is really great because you are demonstrating real responsibility here. As long as your schoolwork doesn't suffer, & you are able to show that your employer views you as a good employee, that can go a long way in showing your parents that you really are ready for more responsibility.

You are also quite right about another thing as well.
In another year you WILL be ready for college. A year really isn't that long a time in the overall scheme of things, so I suggest that you make the most of it, & try not to put so much importance on cursory things like getting to stay out after 11:00 pm, & dating boys.
Trust me, you will get your fill of both of those things soon enough.

Finally, something that you need to try to take into consideration is the fact that you are 16. At this age there is a lot of physical stuff going on in your body that you have absolutely no control over (raging hormones). You have my sympathies on this. A lot of that anger that you are directing at your parents has nothing to do with how they are treating you (and it isn't your fault either). I know that on the surface it won't seem to help you much, but if you try to keep it in mind that a lot of these desperate feelings are probably just hormonal that it may help you deal with it.
Right now you deal with it by blaming your parents.
If you can consciously shift some of the blame onto those nasty hormones that are out of balance due to your growing body then it may help you some.

Answer 2

I am sorry you are feeling so totally controlled and feeling mistrusted, that is a horrid place to be.

Congratulations on your good grades and behaviors they will help you in the future, you even managed to get a job.

Sounds like you are pretty resourceful, managing to keep life together when feeling so much emotional trauma.

there is a certain amount of give and take in parental letting go, apparently likely your parents are fearful of whats out there for you, i know you dont want to hear this.
they have raised what appears a star

I hope that with all this ingenuity of your you can somehow talk to them and compromise come to some place of understanding, and maybe if you approach it in the correct frame of mind the situation may improve, do not try the anger approach it rarely works,

I wish luck,,in the future,,
and trust me the future is here soon enough
stay strong

Answer 3

Well I'll try.

I'm sorry your parents are so strict, but by 'sneaking' out and meeting boys you are hardly showing them your maturity and good judgement. I was allowed to date when I was 16 (not that the phone was ringing off the hook - it wasn't by a long shot!) but I was to be home by midnight, and the dates were not to occur during a school night. Also, my parents had to meet the other person's parents first as well as my date.

I agree that it is unfair for them to have two sets of rules for you and your brother. Have you mentioned that to them? And what was their answer? One reason parents try to keep a close watch on daughters is because they can become pregnant.

You have only one more year left. Do you have a radio or TV in your room? My parents took out all the radios and TVs (home computers weren't around yet) in the house so my refuge when I got home was books. You at least have your job where you get PAID. I had to do my chores and also do housekeeping without money (no allowance either). I'm sure you've heard it before, "If you live under our roof you have to go by our rules. And everyone in this family has to help out."

I'm sorry but you're going to have to tough this one out. (You don't have it any worse than the rest of us had to go through.) Just don't react by going berserk once you do get out of the house. You can have fun like everyone else without having to go wild. It will pay off in the long run.

Answer 4

The reason you hate your parents is because you are 16. Every 16 year old hates their parent's I did, as did my brother. I don't care what you say, it is hormones, and the struggle to be your own person. People told me this when I was 16 and of course I didn't believe, I thought the whole world was against me. You will look back when you get older and realize they were just trying to protect you. Maybe you brother screwed things up for you, by taking advantage of the freedom your parents gave him.

Answer 5

ok i dont think they hate or distrust u and maybe they are being just a little over protective but that is because they love you and don't want anything bad to happen to you put your self in their place watch the news read the paper then try to imagine you have a bright,beautiful 16yr old daughter would you let her run free look at it from a parents view think of how you would feel if you did let her do as she wants & she was raped kidnapped or killed you have to live with that forever so don't hate them try to understand them there is a lot of bad things going on out there and someday you will have to tell your own little girl no when she is 16 then she will hate you to just hang in there you still have plenty of time to go out be thankful they care enough to say no sometimes many parents don't untill its to late

Answer 6

ok you dont really hate your parents its just hard being as young as you are and wanting more freedom.we were all young once even your parents.just chill out its great you are so smart and responsible but you need sleep to continue doing well in school and for your health.i am sure your parents do trust you but sometimes we all make mistakes.understand you are their little girl they only want to protect you and they want you to have every chance at sucess and happiness.if you were to try drugs or sex just to be cool you could throw your whole life away.please calm down you will grow up soon enough be glad your parents love and care for you so many dont have time to be bothered cause they are pot headed drunken losers themselves.sweetie you are lucky! good luck.

Answer 7

well, your parents sure sound like they don't give u enough freedom. one thing u could do is sit them down and tell them that you would like more freedom to do other things. say that u love them, but you feel u need freedom. try to stay calm and dont get angry, just accept what they have to say. we know we all have times where we feel we "hate" our parents...but when u really think about it they just love u and are trying to keep you safe. imagine your life without them and how much they do for you. you would be missing a lot and wouldn't have the benefits today that u have without them.

Answer 8

Have you ever thought about telling them how you feel and maybe you can message I'm 16 and a senior to and my mom is the same way they just don't want you to have your freedom

Answer 9

well maybe you should try talking to your parents before
you come to the point were you won't even invite them to your wedding.

Answer 10

I am so glad you are not my child. I have just one word for kids like you. Pay every penny to your parents back, A.S.A.P.
You need big time help.