why is my wife still with me?

Question

she talks bad about me to everyone, doesn't respect me, doesn't remember the mean things she's said to me. tells me things like she's horny but doesn't want to have sex with me. I tell her if it's so bad why doesn't she just get the hell out but she's still here!!!! why won't she pull the trigger and leave me?
does she secretly want to be with me. If so she has an odd way of showing it. nothing i do helps with her. if i'm nice, she's a *****. if i'm cold to her, she's a *****. why would she stay? would you women want to stay if you treated your husband like this? it's like she's purposely trying to destroy the marriage but then won't freaking leave. leaving for me isn't a possibility. it's my house and i have two kids from a previous marriage.by the way she also suffers from mild depression and apparently according to her i'm the cause.

Answer 1

Dude, file for divorce, pack her bags for her and escort her out of your house and change the locks if you have too.

Answer 2

Its probably more than just mild depression... and you are probably not the cause of it. The situation the two of you are in probably exacerbates it, but again is probably neither of your faults... now i know this probably sounds confusing, but from the sounds of it you are plenty confused yourself, as you should be. She probably needs help. If you want to stay with her then tell her she is right about everything and you want to make things better (if you haven't already tried this in years past). If it is harmful or the least bit distressing to your kids then file for the divorce yourself. Maybe she just wants your money? What happened with the prenuptial? If you want to get a divorce and are worried about your money get a lawyer and ask them, I'm sure you can demand a psych eval and/or claim her actions show that she is the biatch and deserves nothing... but if it is psych related than you may be best off trying to help her through it instead of fighting with her. things might still work out.

Answer 3

This relationship only exists because you allow it to be so. Why would she leave when she has a nice home and a whipping boy? You are caught up in a toxic, co-dependent relationship (look these up on yahoo.com). My advice is to get some self-respect and self-esteem, and firmly but calmly tell her to leave. Once she has gone, change the locks and change your life. You will immediately feel better about yourself and be more attractive to someone more suited to you. I suspect that she IS depressed, and in a weird way does actually love you...she feels 'safe' venting her anger, insecurity and self-loathing on you because you 'love her' and will tolerate it...a lot like a parent who 'loves you no matter what'...testing you, daring you to make her go, seeing how bad she can be..i.e. would you love me no matter what? As an adult though, she needs to learn that actions have consequences and as much as you love her, you have chosen not to spend the rest of your life with someone who disrespects you and makes your life a misery. People who expect nothing but the best in life usually get it. And vice versa. Good luck.

Answer 4

You could make her leave and not wait for her to do it. She is not going to do anything about it on her own, that much is clear. Tell her what you just wrote here, so that she knows how badly her actions and bad attitude are affecting you and your marriage. She cannot see what she is really doing until you point it out to her.

She needs to go to counseling so that she can sort out her anger. Help her as much as you can, because she needs support. Letting her carry on this way will only make the situation worse.

And if she doesn't want to change or just doesn't care, threaten divorce. Tell her you have had enough and are not willing to live this way anymore, that should jolt her out of her selfish ways. Its not healthy to live that way...for you, her, or the kids. They shouldn't live in a home that is like this.

Good luck!

Answer 5

Ahh well i'm familiar with this. First piece of advice if i'm reading your wife correctly, do not hold it against them. Depression causes direct symptoms like this. The person will get irratable, but it's more severe int he case your'e describing. If thats not the case and she is just malicious, why not get a divorce. You have probable cause enough to qualify, your earnings however will take a beating yes, and I dont know if she'd want custody of the children or not, althoughi'm not familiar with how that owuld work provided their from a past marriage.

Answer 6

She doesn't leave because she has no place to go honey and nobody else is going to put up with her and she knows it.

I hate to say it, but you really need to do something about this. nobody deserves to be treated this way and your children don't deserve to be raised thinking this is a normal married life. Either get her the help she needs or pack her bags and get her a hotel room until she figures out exactly what she wants. This just isn't healthy.

Life is short sweetheart and these are years you are never going to get back. The longer you wait for her to act, the longer this is just going to continue. Like you said....it's your house.

Answer 7

Maybe she wants you to file for divorce so she can stay in the house, wants half of your money??? The real question is why do you stay with her? Divorce her. I don't think this is her way of saying she loves you. Have you done something to hurt her? Do you work too much? Have you had an affair? If you are Mr Perfect than leave her. I wouldn't stay with someone who was emotionally abusing me. Hire a private investigator to see what she's doing in her spare time.

Answer 8

Sounds like she might enjoy giving you emotional pain. She doesn't seem like a nice person. She's using u like a punching bag for her aggression. She might also be scared to leave and want you to make the first move and tell her the get out. She is probalby more dependend on you (i.e. you have the house) than you think. She sounds like a nut. Change the locks when she leaves work tomorrow morning and talk to a lawer by noon :)

Answer 9

tell her that you guys need to go to counseling or she has to get out. You shouldn't have to live like this. tell her that you are willing to do whatever you can to fix the marriage but if she is so miserable she should move on and find something that will make her happy. make it about trying to make her happy when you propose it so she will be more likely to go. if she doesn't go then move on.
It is possible that she has depression and needs to talk it out or go on meds if it is a chemical imbalance. My boyfriends parents had a similar situation except it was the other way around. Her husband went to a doctor and went on prosac. that was almost 20 years ago and they are the happiest couple i know now!
Mental health issues fall within the sickness and health category so do whatever you can to fix it but if she is unresponsive maybe you guys need some time apart.

Answer 10

Mate what a classic!! Why dont you ask her to leave? Then you can continue on with your life! It musn't be healthy for your kids living in the same house with a person that doesnt repect their father, mild depression huh, you better look out she doesnt give you depression too. Get rid of her!

Answer 11

negative attention seeker?

everyone has some sort of mild depression. She's probably mixed on what she wants. Doesn't want you, but is too scared to find out if no one wants her . . .so there you have it. She'd rather be with you b/c you put up with her BS, than find another person who will, b/c what happens if she ends up alone?

Sure emotions play a role(small role at this stage), but if she had another place to go and money of her own, she'd be gone. Since she doesn't she sticks around.

kick her out for a trial separation and document EVERYTHING!