What do people here think about "marriage"?

Question

Surely if you love someone you don't need a contract. It's not a ring and piece of paper that keeps people together - as can be seen by the high rates of divorce.

I can understand the reasons for it though - tradition, the idea of being symbolically attached to someone, a public celebration, tax breaks etc. Certainly, if I meet a girl and we want to start a family, I'd be happy to oblige in marrying her if that was important to HER. Personally, it doesn't matter to me - it's the relationship itself that counts.

I'm only asking in this section because I fear being preached at if I ask it somewhere else. I'm not interested in biblical reasons or "one man, one woman" or any of that bollocks. If marriage IS to mean anything then it can't be as an exclusive, heterosexual club.

Interesting answers so far (unlike in another question I've just asked).

Answer 1

Marriage I think is an optional step couples can take if they feel the need. I'm a girl and I WOULD want to get married, may be because of religion, tradition, or just a mixture of everything. However, if I get into a relationship of many years and there is complete trust between me and a guy and he doesn't want to get married, I don't think I would put any pressure on him. So many couples have been together for years, have formed a family and have never married. Sometimes it's those couples the ones that lasts longer than any other "official" marriage.
I guess every couple (heterosexual or homosexual) have the right to make their relationship an official marriage or just a long lasting love without signing any paper. :)

Answer 2

People marry for various reasons. Like some of your other responders, I agree that this is an issue that can be debated forever.

I do think it's smarter to wait to marry until you're older. That's my opinion. I've been married for almost 5 years now and I can attest to the amount of work it takes to keep a relationship happy and healthy. Having said that, I was also never really happier in life than after I got married. But I did date my husband for 3 yrs before we got married because I wanted to make sure that he was "the one."

There are no guarantees in life, that's for sure. But I'd say that refraining from marriage (and just dating your partner) probably won't keep your relationship from the regular pitfalls that all people in relationships experience. Married or not, what's going to happen in a relationship is going to happen. Nothing can really protect you from loss or from difficulty.

It was a very good question. I hope I could be of some help.

Answer 3

I have a coworker that feels the way you do. She was turned off long ago, on the prospect of marrying again, due to a bad relationship. She's been with her S/O for over ten years now and he wants to get married but she feels that it's just a piece of paper.
I on the other hand feel that marriage is sacred. Not too many people take it seriously anymore but I still do. According to the pre-marital counseling class my fiance and I took, Biblically there are three reasons to marry.
1. To have children. The Bible says be fruitful and multiply
2. Because the other person completes you
3. To show the world the example how God loves the church
Anyways, whether you believe that or not, I still view marriage as something that should be coveted and held sacred.

Answer 4

Well... like yourself.. I can't really see the purpose of marriage anymore in a real world sense other than the fact that you would be giving up a lot of benefits if you didn't follow the ancient tradition of marriage. The way I look at it, if you love someone, you don't need a piece of paper to tell you that you should stay with that person. I would actually welcome offering my partner her freedom to chose if she wishes to be with me, or to leave without any stigma or bias associated with divorce. That way, I know that as long as she is with me, its because she truly loves me, and wants to be, not because she has no other choice, or because some age old religious tradition tells her to.

Now on the other hand though... if you're not married, you can't add your spouse to your work supplied health insurance, you cant file joint tax returns, you cant declare each other on your tax returns as a dependent, and as I just recently found out, you can't even get a joint membership to your local gym as a couple unless you are actually married :)

So I guess 6 of 1 and half a dozen of the other. Take your pick. I for one don't really believe in the outdated tradition of marriage.

Answer 5

I disagree with you - even (and especially) if you love someone, you DEFINITELY need a contract. This is because over the course of a long-term relationship, things get difficult, people go through periods where they don't feel "in love" with their partners, people change over time. The temptation to call it quits can be overwhelming. During the bad times, people need some "extra motivation," so to speak, to work things out or to gut it out until better times arrive. For me, on a personal level, the idea of a marriage contract is not social or religious - it's because every couple goes through "bad times" and having a contract reminds them that they are stuck with each other and had better work things out rather than take the "easier" road of calling it quits.

And by the way, my comments above do not apply to abusive relationships (which I hope would be obvious). However, in general, I feel that marriage can be a good thing for anyone, including those in same-sex relationships. I'm not pushing the idea of marriage on people who don't want to get married... I'm just outlining my reasons why I think marriage is a good thing.

Answer 6

I have been married more in my lifetime thus far than I've been unmarried. I enjoyed some aspects of marriage, but some aspects felt oppressive and made me unhappy.
I probably have another 30 years or so left to live, and I think I'd rather stay single. I have many friends, a few "boyfriends" (hate that word for folks over 18!) and I'm relatively happy. Why rock the boat for something so uncertain as marriage?
Good luck

Answer 7

Marriage seems to me to be "taking hostages".
At best, for men it is a gamble. (men lose most of his assets when a marriage ends in 80% of all divorces, if there are children, he will lose his right to be an equal parent in 93% of cases)
Marriage is NOT a contract; not even related to one. Contracts are never null and void because of "no fault". To end a contract, the terms must be spelled out in the contract itself or ended because of malfeasance on the part of one or more of those entering into the contract or by MUTUAL agreement. Marriage can be ended for no reason at the behest of either of the members.
In my opinion, and I know I'll get "thumbs down" for disparaging marriage but any man marrying in today's political (feminist) climate is a fool, or worse.
Since hetero marriage usually, if not always favors the woman, it will be interesting to see how the majority of gay marriages and civil situations that end in divorce, especially those with children, are handled. So far, the results are inconclusive.

Answer 8

I absolutely agree with you. The only problems to not being married are legal ones. For example, if you need some kind of medical intervention and you're too out of it to make a decision, the doctors will make it because your significant other will have no rights there.

But there may be a way of dealing with those problems. I don't find it worth the time to investigate so we got married. Plus my wife didn't want to keep her ex's name and it's a lot easier to change your name by getting married than the other way.

Answer 9

Oh, Women's Studies has its fair share of "one man one woman! Sanctity of marriage! Gays are evil!" preachers/trolls, believe me.

I tend to agree with you though - it is a piece of paper and it excludes some (well, in the US anyway). I personally like the idea of one monogamous life partner, but I am not interested in some cheesy celebration of our love. If I was going to get married, I'd elope or have a small ceremony, but other than that, nothing would change. It *is* the relationship that counts. No need to shove the fact that someone loves you in everyone's face.

Answer 10

Marriage is a socio-economic arrangement between two or more people, usually throughout *history* for the purpose of producing social and economic security for the participants though the production of children who will take care of them in their old age.

Everyone should get married.... why should I be the only one to suffer.