Jealousy Problem?

Question

Hey, I am 13 years old and I have a little bit of a jealousy problem with one of my friends. OK, maybe a big problem. I have this one friend who is 12, but I can't help but feel jealous of her. Although the whole grade seems to hate her, I always think of how pretty she is and I am not, no matter how many times people tell me I'm prettier or nicer or whatever. And I feel like I'm losing one of my best friends because she is always talking to them and getting in the way of our friendship, even though they are not friends. Now I feel as though this jealousy problem has taken over my whole life. I feel like I'm always at competition with her, and when I'm in her classes, I watch practically every move she makes, cause I always think that she is going to steal away all my friends or something, and then I always end up being mean to her and stuff. I can't get over this jealousy problem, and people tell me to get over it, and I just can't. It's not that easy. Please help me!!

I do pay attention in class, it's just hard to!! I'm depressed. =(

Yeah, people tell me I have self esteem problems and such, lol. But I don't know how to improve it.

Answer 1

you need to get busy with other things. what are you doing in class while you're watching her? you should be paying attention to your teacher!

Answer 2

You have so much power within yourself, you just have to learn to use it. You should focus on your self and your abilities. Try to be a good friend to this person and you might find out that you really are not losing your other friends you may actually gain some. When we are mean to others we feel bad about ourselves and we do become ugly but when we treat others with the kindness we want for ourselves we become beautiful to everyone. Jealousy is like a big ugly monster inside of us, we need to learn to tame it or get rid of it to have a happier life. When we let it take over we are miserable and we make others miserable and push people away that we don't mean too.

Answer 3

hmmm? tough one. Well I'm not your age but I understand the emotions your feeling. Unfortunately jealousy stems from low self esteem most experts say. Which in reality I think their correct on some levels. And the reason I think so is because when I was 14 I met a guy and about 6 months into dating him I started feeling the emotions of jealousy.

He picked up on the fact that I didn't like him looking at other girls and would do it to get a rise out of me. It worked everytime, I wasn't a wall-flower I would be very out-spoken to the other girls sometime, and everytime towards him. I think I was stroking his ego....giving him a bloated ego basically.

Maybe yours is the same senario even though your not in a romantic relationship, but she maybe feeding her ego off your feelings of inadequacies. Does that make sense? I hope so.

Here's a few things that life has taght me, I know your young and you still have to find these things out on your own, but hopefully they'll help you some:

1. You will always be you. You will never be anyone else, no matter how hard you try, your always going to be the same person; spiritually; emotionally; physically.....
2. You have great points, you need to find them. Mine are I love to draw, help people out (hey that's why I'm on here, right!), I have a pretty face when I wear makeup, etc....
Now you need to make your mental list, you don't share this list with everyone, they'll think your concieted. This is your list along, a personal inventory that you make of your atributes and everyone has them something thats good about them.

are you smart, pretty, artistic, confident, limber, great dancer, good problem solver, how are you at reading others emotions (it sounds like your very good at picking up on others emotions, that's a gift not many people can do that) weld this most obvious gift to turn the relationship with this seemingly arch-nemsis into a friendship of sorts if you can compliment her when you see that she's done something good, looks good, etc....that builds your confidence and show's her you appreciate her as a person.

Sometimes the part of our character or body that is most painful to work on is the part that we most positively have to work on. It's called growing pains. I hope you deem some knowledge from this. Take care little one!

Answer 4

You need to build up your self-esteem, and stop trying to compete with her. You have to be satisfied with yourself. Your to the point that you are obsessed with this girl. I'm 33 years of age and I can tell you that in life there are always going to be people that are prettier, smarter, and the older you get(younger) than you. You have to deal with this. Does that mean that you are not just as good as she? I see certain people, and I sometimes compare myself to them mentally, to see how I measure up only to better myself, not to compete. As a result of your jealousy, you are now retaliating by being mean to her and that isn't fair. Maybe if you talk to her you may find that you two have similar interests. Instead of looking for reasons to hate try looking for reasons to being her friend and in that you may find the clue to overcoming your jealousy.

Answer 5

I'm a male, so I might see things differently. But this way of thinking seems to be common amoungst alot of females I know. I think that alot of times you take things to personal, too competitivly and think that you must have immediate results, or revenge, but understand that your friends, you TRUE friends/ or boyfriends, will always be there for you no matter what, because they like you.
If they turn for her, and side against you, they really are not your friends and not worth the time effort or personal anguish.
Try not to compare yourself to this single person, your nemisis. Because by focusing on her, more than yourself, She controls you. You will always try to live accourding to her standards instead of your own.
Your more beautiful than she is, but your spending so much time looking at her that you haven't taken the time to objectivly look at yourself. I bet alot of the guys they would agree with me. Try hanging out with them instead of her.

Answer 6

well such a problem is not only there with u... its there with a lot of people... 1st of all people cannot be trusted and if u think that she will go ahead to steal all ur friends, well yeah that can happen...

but you should not be mean to her... not unless she goes ahead to harm u in any way... just be on your guard and never let your defences down...

Answer 7

jealousy is only like a disease,you have to trust yourslf,just think you are you,and being mean to her,its not a good manner,join your friends,stop jealousing if you dont want to loose your friends,to be a good person,theres a lot of sacrifice,you dont want to be hate?first deny yourself,have a selfdicipline and whenever,wherever you go,being a good person ,you will be loved from friends around you,be cheerful.

Answer 8

Envy is a bitter poison that ends up in sickness . Over Something so trivial

Answer 9

sounds to me like your problem is with yourself and not with this girl. you're at an age where self-esteem goes up and down and right now it sounds like you're in a down phase. learn to be comfortable with yourself and realize that your friends like you for who you are not because you're better than somebody else.

Answer 10

1 Corinthians 13:4
Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant,


how about loveing your fellow man, love is patient, kindness
31Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:

32And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.