My husband doesn't allow me to call him at work, while everyone else is?

Question

We have this problem from the very first day of our marriage. He gets very upset when I call him for any good reason. He thinks I am checking on him. We had a big fight and we are not talking. What can I do?

Answer 1

Try not calling him for 2 weeks in a row and stop being suspicious of him for your own good. In time he will appreciate you for being understanding to his situation and your willingness to let him have his own freedom instead of being 'watched behind his back' by you.

Answer 2

Who is everyone else? Other people employed at the same company? Why does he think you are checking up on him? Has he given you any reason not to trust him?

The truth is, he most probably has a very responsible job, and cannot be distracted, by your "any good reason" phone call.

I am sure that if an emergency came up he would want you to call.

What I would suggest is that you ask him to give you a ring during the day when he has the time, and is not under stress.

You should be the one that starts talking. Tell him that the discussion snowballed into an argument, which you did not intend it to become. Then when you feel it is the right time, you can ask him what I suggested to you.

I think you are making a mountain out of a molehill.

Husbands, do not like nags, and that is what it feels like to him when you call him every day.

Good luck, and hope I helped you.

Answer 3

Some men get embarrassed when their better half call them at work. I can tell you it is hard for me when my husband calls me. It almost should be a matter of life and death and he knows it. My husband is retired and stays home with the boys and I run our family business. When the boys were small I was the one that stayed home. This way there is always a parent with our boys. We have six children. The last thing I want to hear is what so and so did today. If the boys are not dying or in the hospital I really don't want to hear about it. Now I know what it is like to be the helpless parent. I still want to kick my self for all those times he came home or I called him at work about the children and it wasn't a true emergency. When we are at work there is not a whole lot we can do. It only makes us feel guilty and takes our mind somewhere it does not need to be.

Answer 4

I have gone through this with my husband as well. It is not that he has anything to hide or that he's ashamed of me or anything else like this. He feels that when I call him for what he believes as things that can wait until he gets home, I am wasting his time.

Now this did hurt my feelings at first and then I started to think about it...My man is in the music business and I have seen him in action at work. Most of the time between me and the rest of the phone calls that he encounters on a daily basis, this man's got his hands full. I don't want to contribute to making his day more hectic and it already is. Instead I put myself in the position to receive him with open arms when he gets home and to be an outlet and for him to confide in if he needs that.

I know that it can be hard, but try not to be suspicious unless you he has given you a VERY good reason to be. There are worse things to fight about. Don't make nothing into something. Besides don't you want to be the woman that this man runs from work to get home to?

Answer 5

Don't call his ***! Call Friends and Family, for everything, Start doing a lot for you! Call his job may make him embrass, they my have to call him on the PA System! We don't know, So give him what he Wants. Or their may be someone at work he likes, go to any function at his job to check! Don't answer his call right away when he calls I do that let it go to the Message, Make him feel like you do, but do it very well! Give him real good excuss that you did not hear the phone ring! Give him a taste of your new medicine! He is not right! Start keeping busy and then he will start to call and check up on you, Don't take that mess and it should have never been a Fight Over that at all! Just tell him ok and do him the same!

Answer 6

Marriages can be weird. In all actuality you should respect his wishes. Unless it is an emergency do not call him at work if he does not want you to. I have a very very strange husband. For example, he used to not want me to wake him while he was sleeping, if I did by moving or something he would becoe veyr angry and even argue the next day and then not talk to me. He used to tell me stories of what he would do to people or cats that woke him up. After about a year (I tried to be very patient and respectful) I realized that this was not working, there has to be respect on both sides. Finally I told him he had to get used to me being in the same bed as him. It was my bed too and he'd best stop. He did. The reason I chose this particular story and there are many more as I told you he is very strange, is because it has to be respect on both parts. You can explain to your husband that you will not call him at work any more unless it is an emergency and then you can ask him to respect you more about talking about it instead of acting out. But if you say that you will not call unless it is an emergency then you really really need to do what you say. Say what you mean, mean what you say.

Answer 7

Whoa! This sounds like a huge "lack of trust" issue. Firstly, if you both have had this discussion before, you would have to know at least some of the reason's why he doesnt allow you. and what's with the allow word? Is that just a figure of speech or is he really controlling?
If you need to contact him when he is at work, maybe just to say 'love you' then so be it! For goodness sakes, its only a damn job. If you are calling him because you dont trust him, then that's different.
Talk it out, there's nothing better than laying your cards on the table, extinguishes any misconceptions. Get him to do the same. Thats called honesty and I dont see a lot of it in your marriage if calling him at work is an issue. Good luck!

Answer 8

I would want to know why everyone else can call him but yourself. If he can't give you a good enough reason then that leads me to believe that he is cheating with someone there. You should be able to call him anytime you want. But it sounds like he has some control issues it's not just with the work thing.

I know if I couldn't call him at work then he would be looking for me because I would make it my business not to be home when he gets there. I know that will be starting something but then we will put everything on the table then. He would tell me what is going on or I would be looking for a PI to get the answers I need.

Answer 9

The last bf I had was like that. I only called him every few days and he just wouldn't answer his phone sometimes, and so I would leave him a message. He would never return my message, and when I would ask him about it, he would get indignant and claim I was checking in on him. That made me suspected he was cheating. There is no way that he didn't have 5 minutes to talk to me in a whole work day. But he would even say stuff like "I'm a very important man in my company and I don't have time for your drama". It was that attitude that eventually made me leave him. Being busy is one thing, putting me down is grounds for getting dumped.

I watched a very good movie that gave me some excellent ideas on how to counteract his paranoia. It was called "If a Man Answers". Rent it. if nothing else, it will make you laugh. After employing some of the ideas in the movie, he started taking my calls. lol

Answer 10

You have two choices here.

1. Come up with some kind of an agreement between you and your husband that you will call him at work just to tell him you love him. You can do this during his breaks or lunch hour. If he refuses, then he has a hidden agenda.

2. You can arrange to meet with a marriage counselor to help you come up with another idea. Sometimes going to counseling helps because you can get ideas that you never ever even can think up on your own.

Answer 11

I think there's a problem here. You stated that you can't call him but it's ok for others to. It sounds like he either out doing something and scared you will find out, or there's someone on the job he's "doing". You should never have to have permission to call your husband. He should be happy your calling. Unless you just call him 100 times a day. Then that's a problem.