Is this a justifiable excuse?

Question

My husband was diagnosed with a brain tumor over two years ago. He has since been under surgery and treatment. He is a very fortunate survivor. Yet, he is very degrading and negligent in meeting my need. However, he always has been. He continues to use his brain tumor as his crutch in why he is not respectful and unwilling to fulfill my needs. I have been nothing less than supportive throughout this ordeal. Is it fair for me to go without a loving relationship because of his misfortunate ordeal?

Answer 1

You feel like a victim. After two years of playing nurse, it's hard to get back to normal.

I think it may be time have a wake up call for you both. Try a marriage counselor. You CAN make this work.

By saying "is it FAIR for me to go without a loving relationship because of his misfortunate ordeal" tells me a few things:

1) You used the word FAIR: you feel like you've just been caring for him and caring for him, and now it's your turn. Your feel like a victim here.

2) "Without a loving relationship: shows me that you don't think he's loving you enough. You didn't give enough to details on how HE acts towards you.

Talk to him. Explain to him that you have needs to. If you can, try to get out with some girl friends for a weekend cruise.

Answer 2

Dont stay in an emotionally abusive relationship for ANY reason. Its been over two years since his tumor came, and he continues to degrade you. If he has always been like this, then there is no reason to believe that its because of the tumor. Its unfortunate, yes, but maybe he will see after you leave just how hurtful he has been and learn from this mistake.

Answer 3

I think that with the tumor, while it is apparent need to give him slack on a lot of issues, it is not a good reason to hide behind to get your own way with anything in life. There are people in the world with far worse life-threatening illnesses who live their fullest lives without the need of help from anyone and dislike any special treatment people could offer them.

For this, I'd have to agree with the first reply, to try and seek marriage counselling, otherwise the situation could deteriorate more and could lead to a divorce which I doubt is what you'd hope for in any situation.

Answer 4

I am sure that his condition affected you as well. So the answer in my opinion is no, it is not justifiable. He should be gratefull that you stood by him through all of this and was supportive. And you said he has always been thia way even before he knew about the brain tumor. What does that tell you about him? If he never had a brain tumor would you still feel the same way about how he treats you?

Answer 5

No, it's not. However, I wish you'd addressed this issue a long time ago, now it will seem as though you're cold and unfeeling. You should continue to be loving and supportive toward him, but don't neglect yourself. You're going through this as well, and need love and support. You do deserve respect and if he treats you poorly, call him on it. He will probably be irritable every now and then, but illnesses can really tear families apart, so I suggest some kind of couples therapy if you can afford it. You need to be there for each other now more than ever.

Answer 6

Well I strongly believe that is your marriage was failing before all of this happened, you're more than justified in ending the marriage if that is what you want. Why should you stay in a marriage that brings you no happiness just because your spouse had the misfortune to have medical issues. I think it's more than admirable that you stayed as long as you have because of it.

That being said, keep in mind that odds are you will be judged by many as "the women who abandoned her spouse when he was ill".. This is more likely than not a reality you will need to face.

Good luck to you..

Answer 7

most likely not ,but we don't know what kind of tumor or what meds. he is taking so go to his doctor ask him if there might be some personality changes because of the surgery or meds. he should be able to tell you then you can better decide if u need a councilor or lawyer if that is what u feel u need marrige is a partnership 1 person cant make it work it takes 2 good luck

Answer 8

Tumor or not, there's no excuse for a lack of love and affection. Think of this way... if it had been you with a tumor would you treat him this way? If you were to get a tumor now would you die a happy woman? Life is way too short and can end upexpectedly. He needs to take that mess to his mama. DOn't find yourself at death's door with a life of unhappiness and regret beneath your belt.

Talk to him about it. Maybe he doesn't realize he treats you that way. Sometimes people need to hear things like that.

Answer 9

Well, this may come as an odd suggestion to people these days...but, Have you spoken to your husband about this? I mean, seems that if hes the one you have a problem with, you would talk with him....not us.

What the hell is wrong with you people answering? Leave him? just like that, give up on an entire marriage? Whats wrong with you people these days. Do you have no concept that a marriage is something you need to work at? or is everything gotta be handed to you on a silver platter these days?

Answer 10

That can be exhausting. Have you tried was lets say pleasing to the eye then engage. If that's not working it's emotional. He' s been threw alot. Did you ask the doctors if it is that part of the brain. If nothing else get a toy and see if that works with him.