When I am in a relationship, or casually dating someone, I find I get insecure about where we are going relationship-wise. I either am scared to be totally committed or I'm anxious that I like them more than they like me. I don't want to and hate bringing it up with my bf because I don't want him to know how insecure I am. The result is that it festers and instead I end up detaching myself from them thus we stop talking therefore, no more relationship. I hate acting that way because it seems desperate to me if I bring up "do you like me?" type of things. I'm not needy, I just don't ever feel comfortable, or I guess, confident enough that they like me.
Other than this I am the laid-back, funny girl who can talk to anyone. I don't know how to fix this problem, I'm scared it will stay with me forever.
2007-04-25 13:42:09 · 11 answers · asked by LuvUrGirl 3 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Ok, first of all, know that this guy you're dating isn't necessarily going to be the guy you marry. I understand that you have some insecurities, but whomever you choose to date should be bringing out the best in you, not the insecurities. Perhaps you should not see this gentleman any longer if it is disturbing you this much. Your other alternative is to just stop being insecure. It's up to you. Hope this helps you. Good luck.
2007-04-25 13:47:27 · answer #1 · answered by Hot Coco Puff 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You have to make sure you know what it is you want out of a relationship. Also, you need to identify, pin-point exactly what it is you bring into a relationship, and also identify more "pretty cool" things that make you, you.
You have to be absolutely real, and honest with yourself. It can either be you are choosing someone that doesn't genuinely satisfy you or you do in fact have severe insecurities.
If after you do the exercise above mentioned you still feel the same or are still uneasy you should consider talking with someone who can give you some very objective, and practical advise. Or let me know...how else can I help you?
This is something I often go through not necessarily because of insecurities but because of other reasons. Anyways, take care...
Success!
2007-04-25 20:54:32 · answer #2 · answered by Me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will only stay with you forever if you don't take steps to get a handle on it and figure out what is going on inside you that leads you to "defend" yourself against intimacy. Seek some professional help from an experienced therapist or coach who can help you explore your fears, address some of the root causes and make positive changes- which will help you to be truly relationship ready- which it appears you are not at the present time.
Toni Coleman, LCSW
Psychotherapist/dating and relationship Coach
www.consum-mate.com
2007-04-25 20:56:45 · answer #3 · answered by consum.mate 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your bf really likes you and cares about you then he wont mind that you are insecure about yourself and he will actually help you get over your insecurity. Everyone is insecure with something about themselves, so you shouldn't feel that there is something wrong with you and that the person you are with doesnt like you. Everybody in a relationship needs to be reminded from time to time that their significant other really cares about them and likes them, so don't feel that this is a form of being desperate because its normal. If you don't want to directly ask "do you like me," I suggest that you try other ways such as saying "I've really missed you" or "I'm glad to be with you" because then your bf has no choice but to respond to your statement, for ex. he might say "i've really missed you too, or I'm really lucky to have you" and this way you can find out if they do like you by seeing how they respond to you. No one has to be totally committed. I'm not saying go out and cheat, but I'm saying that you don't have to give up your life and the things you enjoy just because you are with somebody. If you think you like them more than they like you, give it time and dont worry because relationships are all about growing and learning to like each other. If you relationships all seem to end because of your problem, i think its time that you tried something new, and try to talk about it with your bf. It will work out for you :)
2007-04-25 21:01:49 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Women fear abandonment and men fear entrapment. Perhaps your abandonment fears are exaggerated a bit. Consider the relationship between your mother and father for clues as to the origin of this anxiety.
2007-04-25 20:55:22 · answer #5 · answered by SIGGY 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know this is easier said than done, but have you just relaxed and enjoyed each day you have together? Sometimes we get funny thoughts like you mentioned, but they can be alleviated by just being thankful for what we have, enjoying and living in the moment!
2007-04-25 20:48:10 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Easy way to solve this... just come right out and ask for exactly what it is you want.. no more stress!
And you will have a relationship or if they leave, you didn't want what they were bringing anyhow!
2007-04-26 01:01:20 · answer #7 · answered by David M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Read a book about insecurity.
2007-04-25 20:46:24 · answer #8 · answered by LuckyChucky 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ive been in "relationships" with girls that have the same problem.. sorry to say that this "phase", or feeling you have is chrushing and it really hurts the guy...when you dont want to commit to anything, we get the impression you dont want anything to do with us.
dont let things get weird, ive dated some crazy girls.
2007-04-25 23:52:52 · answer #9 · answered by stayemy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Simple date someone "beneath your level" that way he will be in love with you more than you love him. - although that sounds bad, but its a good learning experience, who knows it might actually turn into real love...
2007-04-25 20:48:56 · answer #10 · answered by iceblendedmochajavo 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋