Ok, so I know there are many similar questions like this on here, but I am over the age of 20. Too often, I have based my self-worth on my relationships with guys and the way I look. It's a nasty cycle. I'd like to feel good about myself for something that I've earned that's actually commendable and from within, not shallow. Sometimes, I will feel this way and the disgusted feeling I have about being too much comes over me and then I am repulsed again. Usuallt this spurred on by any type of negative comment or when I compare myself to other girls. I want and need to get out of it?
2007-04-25 13:41:53 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
I would suggest counseling, at 20 years old, it would benefit you greatly, you are still young enough to shape your thought patterns to where you can be more secure with yourself, and have positive relationships with other adults. You have to take care of this before you will have any successful relationships with the opposite sex. It's much more involved than I have the time or effort to explain, but if you go to the counseling center, you will be able to get some help, and get things back together again. It's very simple, it just takes time. If you're patient and you stick to it, you'll be fine. HCP
2007-04-25 13:50:24 · answer #1 · answered by Hot Coco Puff 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Hey Sofia! First off, do know that as a female, you are definitely not alone on basing your worth on looks. This is something we have discussed in Women Pysch classes, Philosophy, etc. It's really sad, but girls are taught to use their looks as a means of survival, power, achievement, etc. from as early as five years old. Men and boys have been taught to gain their power another way: Money and career success. So, don't beat yourself up or look down upon yourself, your ways of thinking has been the norm forever. I am just happy that you are willing to break this cycle and gain your self-esteem elsewhere. It's very courageous.
It's okay to be happy with the way you look, but it can overpower your life. When I started to receive attention from my looks, I then became very preoccupied with them and would also compare myself to other girls. I am still stuck with doing this. When I was in HS and wasn't so attractive, I did not really care at all. Or maybe I did, but just forgot how hard it was.
I would think about what sort of goals you want to make for yourself. Do you want to take some classes at college, finish a degree, try a new sport, or activity? Do you want to apply to new jobs? Travel the world? Meet new people? Think of something new that interests you - something not dealing with physical looks. And go for it.
Good luck! It will be hard, but it's great to see someone standing up to the world's biggest stereotype.
2007-04-25 14:04:46 · answer #2 · answered by January 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you've actually answered your own question when you said: "I'd like to feel good about myself for something that I've earned that's actually commendable and from within, not shallow".
That tells me your bright enough to know the answer - which is commendable. Self-esteem often does come from your own personal accomplishments: things that you've done and for which you can be proud. (PS: a lot of people that you think have self-esteem Don't)
2007-04-25 13:53:37 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like u need to change a hobby. Guys!
Find a hobby that is better than this...u must have something else you like to do...swimming? walking? skating? dancing?...and hang around more good female friends. Guys won't help
Also reading books on the issue can help. I read philosophy by Vernon Howard...it helps.
2007-04-25 13:55:14 · answer #4 · answered by Mu'min 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try volunteering. Doing good things for other people is a good way to feel better about yourself.
2007-04-25 13:50:48 · answer #5 · answered by crazykaro 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋