I love my wife that I've been married to for 33 years but....?

Question

the last 10 or twelve years has been anything but fulfilling. We seem to no longer have anything in common. We are very well off financially, but we never do anything together. All we do is stay home and do our own different thing. I'm game to to travel or go out, but all she wants to do is stay home and watch TV.

In over a year I haven't even been able to get her out to buy new furniture for our new home. The only thing she's interested in is buying clothes for herself and knick-knacks for the house.

She has fibromyalgia and uses it as an excuse for not being able to do anything. She hasn't cooked a meal for me in ten years but she always says she loves me and couldn't do without me.

About three months ago, I met another woman online, and we have been answering each others questions and exchanging memories and such here on Y!A. Recently though we started exchanging emails, and while neither of us have mentioned it, I think we're starting to like each other too much.

Continued:
We seem to have many things in common and share many interests.This woman is also living with her husband.

I honestly think I would be much happier with a new woman but I have provided for my wife financially for our entire marriage and I'm worried about her well being if I left her. We have three grown children that all are married and have children as well.

Should I break off the online friendship before if becomes too serious? What would you do?

Answer 1

Either break off the on line relationship or leave your wife - you cannot expect to have real closeness with your wife if you keep pulling away to move toward the on line thing.

Talk to your wife - tell her what you told total strangers on Yahoo answers, and work on your marriage.

Answer 2

I can emphathize with that. My wife and I are financially ok through work by both of us in the past years. But our interests no longer overlap. I enjoy doing my things and she hers. I found that this is quite common with Asian Americans.

But I would not go in the direction of splitting and going off with another woman. First, I have 2 teenage kids. I would like them to have a whole home to come back to instead of 2 homes, each with a new face. Second, I look around and find women that match my age range are more or less the same, no more exciting or boring than my wife. Third, I definitely don't want to play any role in wrecking another home. I don't have the energy to deal with the dramas. Fourth, I love my kids very much but I cannot play "dad" to kids I did not father.

I am eccentric about these issues but I am frank about this. I count the blessings I have in my life. There are other ways to answer whatever needs you might have without starting another serious relationships.

Answer 3

If you're starting to like each other too much then you are toeing the line and need to take a step back. You need to speak openly with your wife about your marriage and your concerns. Hopefully one of your concerns is her health and mental well being. It sounds like she could use the talk and the show of concern. One of the biggest mistakes in marriage is both people doing their own thing, wishing they were doing more with each other and never realizing that their spouse has the same feelings. Your wife's health may be causing some depression and insecurities. If need be, talk to her doctor. No matter what, your vows were for better or worse, not until you meet another woman.

Answer 4

Personally, if I were you I would put a halt to this online friendship out of respect for your wife. I understand that things are hard, difficult and distant between you two but you did take a vow and you should honor it. I think you should try to fix things with your wife before beginning a new relationship. I suggest maybe surprising her with flowers and dinner, or surprise her with two tickets to an exotic location. I also suggest sitting down with her and having a serious talk. You should tell her how you're feeling, tell her what is bothering you and what you think is lacking in your relationship. I don't mean you should threaten to leave her, but I do think you should tell her that you need certain things in your life from your partner that she is not giving you. Whatever you decide I suggest you try to work things out if thats what you truly want. I wish you the best of luck in everything.

Answer 5

You should break it off with the other woman. The grass is always greener, you obviously still have feelings for your wife, and although u've talked with this other woman, u don't really KNOW her.
My father suffers from fibromyalgia and it's been quite debilitating for him. Talk to your wife, tell her your concerned for your marriage, this might wake her up. If she's open to it, discuss counseling, and go!
If she won't go, go without her. You need help in coping with her illness. My mother struggles with my father's disease too, as she is healthy as can be. If after all that you still can't make it work, go through with a formal separation before taking up with anybody else. There's something to be said for doing things the RIGHT way. You'll be better off for it in the end.

Answer 6

In regards to your wife I think she might be having a problem with depression. When someone becomes depressed they no longer like to do anything. They have a hard time getting around to do much of anything. Maybe talk to your wife and be honest with her about the way you feel. Remember the grass may seem really green until you get over that hill of new-ness. If you love your wife and want it to work or even be able to work on it 100% you need to cut this email chick out.

Answer 7

well you did make a commitment to a woman long ago and if it doesnt mean anything to you then i say break it off. I mean it is not your wifes fault that she feels this way, i say you plan a cruise trip and take her as a surprize. or maybe you should just go out and buy new furniture. if thats what you want. i dont think it is a good idea to start a new relationship, you have ben with this woamn for years and online relationships are nothing compared to the love of your life. your wife is all you have. i say you leave that online lady alone, she is already married with kids of her own. maybe this is all in your head, maybe she is just being nice to you. ithink you are blowing this up and are going to ruin your relationship with your wife. i say you focus your attention on your wife and make getting her out of the house a goal of yours. good luck!

Answer 8

You need to break off all contact with this woman. If you and this other woman were to leave your spouses for each other, I guarantee that eventually the both of you will wonder what on earth you saw in each other. You will both realize that the grass really wasn't greener on the other side of the fence and will want to go back to your spouses, but the damage has already been done.

The bible says you reap what you sow. So, leave this woman alone and you won't regret it.

Answer 9

You know the right thing to do is to break it off with your new hottie. I doubt if you have the balls to do it.
Sit down and figure out financially how you can provide for your wife (alimony)
Then either separate from her or divorce her, leaving her financially taken care of, then and only then go after a new hottie.
It is the only fair thing to do. I am assuming your children are grown.

Answer 10

Understand yourself thru what you have written. First off, your being honest, and how sorry I am for your situation that this woman who you did love does not do it for you anymore. Be sure of that before you throw out your shared family history. This computer gal is a one dimensional deal, and I hate to tell you, you need a real cooling off period---maybe 2yrs before taking the couple plunge again. I suggest a couples reconciliation retreat at your church of choice, mine is catholic. She has to be worth that. Also the truth about how you feel, (not the computer/girl) but your needs to your wife. And lastly but most important, life is so short fella, talk to God about guiding you to rekindle the love for your wife. Don't lead this computer woman down the wrong path with you. Get strong spiritually, pray talk to your pastor, worship. Are you so sure another woman is the answer to your boredom, ask God if your doing his will for your life, only this will fullfil you.