I am a scorpio woman who is very independant, i just had my first baby, and i am currently getting a divorce from a scorpio man who is cuntroling , mentally abusive, manipulative, has OCD and has lied and cheated on me.
so my question to you is why am i hanging or, or am possibly still in love with a man like this. what is wrong with me? I am strong in every other aspect of my life and i had a great childhood with both parents.
PLEASE ONLY SERIOUS ANSWERS!
2007-04-25 11:31:39 · 13 answers · asked by I♥Karma 4 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
There are a lot of precedents in psychology, in which people are drawn to the controlling and abusive. Before I begin, though, please understand that I am not in any way excusing deceptive, manipulative, or abusive behavior on the part of any human being.
That said, one psychological condition that comes to mind, which is such a precedent in psychology, is Stockholm syndrome, in which hostages develop a bond with their captors, to the point at which some of the former hostages correspond with the captors in prison!
One possible reason for attraction to a controlling person is that for the first eighteen years of our lives, we are conditioned to love people who are extremely controlling and authoritarian. No matter how great our parents are, the fact is that they give us unfair and arbitrary commands all the time...and, again, we're conditioned to love them! It stands to reason that, as adults, we may grow to care about a strong-willed person, not despite their tendency to be unfair and arbitrary themselves, but because of that tendency!
I also believe that the attraction to an overly aggressive person may be instinctive. Agressive men, in millennia past, have been the ones who have perpetuated the species or, at least, their particular bloodlines. I believe there is a human instinct to respect or fall in love with an overly aggressive person because, on a biological level, we see them as survivors.
Of course, it is part of the inherent unfairness of life that it is up to us to protect ourselves from intrusive behavior. I submit that you may want to start by not worrying about what is allegedly wrong with you. Your tendency to be with this person is just one thing about you which you want to correct (and which you are in the process of correcting right now!)
The less you think of yourself as "wrong", the more you truly will have the attitude of a self-reliant person. That said, until your feelings for this man wear off (as I believe they will), I recommend focusing on what you do. As you continue to act the way an independent person acts, you will become that person.
Two more pieces of advice: First, don't kick yourself every time you start to miss this man. Kicking yourself is a waste of time. Acknowledge your feeling, and move on. Second, considering seeing a licensed therapist. While sites like this have their place, a divorcee with a young baby would not hurt from also having a caring professional to help her through a rough time.
Congratulations on taking the first steps to independence from the man who did you so much wrong, and Be Well.
2007-04-25 11:58:19 · answer #1 · answered by Rev. Dubbs 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do not really love this man, after all how could you with all he has done to you. you have done the right thing with getting a divorce. What you are feeling is not love, and I think deep down you know this. you just had a baby and your harmones are full swing, you are afraid of the unknown what the future will hold for you and child. You are experienceing sadness do to the ending of the relationship. Anger at the way he treated you etc. etc. All these feelings are on you at once and I am sure your self esteem is low. you sound like a very strong woman that has made the right choice. You need to wrap up this divorce and you and your child need to move forward with your life, and forget about the dirt bag. Believe me once you have enough time away from him, you will look back and say Boy was I stupid! How could I even have been with such a loser! It takes time, but I know you will succeed! Focus on the future, happiness and you and your childs life awaits!
2007-04-25 18:51:19 · answer #2 · answered by tonal9nagual 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure if this is completely correct, but my mom says that people of the same zodiac or zodiac symbols that are very near each other don't get along well. That's a bit superstitious, so it's up to you if you want to believe it or not.
Secondly, there are probably some parts of him that you love, and since you had a good childhood you try to concentrate on the good things and not the bad. I'm not sure, seeing as I have never even dated before. It may be some strange hormone/love thing you grownups have. I don't know.
2007-04-25 18:46:43 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweet girl, you are one of many that do the same thing. It is just a matter of opening your heart up to the wrong man. It is easy when you have a good heart to begin with. You find it easy to love so you also find it easy to get hurt. It takes getting away from your emotional side and trying to let your mind tell you that he is never going to be any good for you. It also makes no difference what kind of background or upbringing you had. It comes down to how easy you find it to love another person. Make your mind up that this person is not good for your future. Hope this helps dear.
2007-04-25 21:55:07 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you actually did love him before all of this happened. You are however strong enough to go thru a divorice & YOU CAN make it. Please DON'T go right out & start dating ANOTHER of the same kind of man. I've seen & have often wondered why women go back to the same kind of guy they left in the first place over & over again. The "Bad & Pretty Boys" are usually just that. Shallow, self-centerd, etc. NOT worth your time & love. Best Wishes!
2007-04-25 18:42:09 · answer #5 · answered by infidel-louie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do the same thing...I'm strong in everything but my love life. Its because woman naturally try to hard. I got this great book you might want to get called " Women who try to Hard" is by Kevin Leman. It helps you get out of the habit of putting people before you.
Good Luck, and just stay strong. Plus what helps me alot is going out..even if you just take the baby and go to the park its getting out and doing something to get your mind off of him..and take a day or two with out talking to him..it will help
2007-04-26 12:40:15 · answer #6 · answered by ERICKSMAMA 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your great life with both parents is one driving factor. You want the same for your child. As for staying with an abusive person, it is hopeless no matter how instinctively nurturing you are, so move on and give that baby the 'best' life an independent woman CAN. God Bless.
2007-04-25 18:38:42 · answer #7 · answered by mspriveye 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe there's some good sex? Or you are afraid of supporting a child on your own? In any case, it's best to leave this guy. There are far better guys out there. But you really have to look, they aren't going to come to you.
2007-04-25 18:39:46 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe your just so used to having as your emotional crutch and that's hard to adjust to. Maybe there is a lot of physical attraction or maybe you have a craving for drama which as odd as that sounds is more common then you think.
2007-04-25 19:01:32 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
biologically thinking you still need a man for protection and to take care of your children, can´t run away from evolution.
hope you find a nice person in your life so you can get rid of this monkey-psychology
2007-04-25 18:39:23 · answer #10 · answered by elcabong 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋