If me and my ex broke up and our kids (all 5 are around the same ages 12-12, 10-9, and 6), love each other and want to be together on the weekends, should we allow them to be together? Is it prolonging the separation? Does it give them false hope of a reconciliation?
2007-04-25 10:54:42 · 16 answers · asked by candy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If the kids want to see each other, and it sounds like they do, I would suggest having them visit for a few hours somewhere besides the home - like at a park or visit over dinner. I would do this every second or third weekend. And allow them to telephone each other if they want when they want to. It's important to respect their feelings (sounds like that is what you are doing and I applaud you for that!) and to hear their pain in all the changes that are happening.
I would try to encourage them to make friends with other people and ease off the relationship with their former step children.
I don't think they will have false hope if you and your ex do not act like you are in love with each other. Don't argue or anything in front of the kids but do have boundaries and behave in a way that shows that you are respectful of the other.
Sudden separation is so hard on the kids. It pulls the rug right out from under them. Give them a chance to absorb the breaking up and opportunity to have closure in the ending of the whole family. I think you probably already are on top of it but make sure to keep telling them it isn't their fault and that they are loved.
Very best of luck to you. Been there, done that and don't wish it on anyone!! It will be better in time.
2007-04-25 11:06:22 · answer #1 · answered by MissHazel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should let them see each other! Just because you broke up and things are not well with the two of you doesn't mean the kids should be put through the hurt of not seeing the ones they consider family and love! Surely the two of you can tolerate each other for the kids to visit on weekends! One weekend they stay with you and one with him or meet at the park to let them play try something!
2007-04-25 18:00:47 · answer #2 · answered by Brandy Jo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it would be great for the kids if you could arrange visitation/custody so that they could stay connected. I would guess it would get pretty complicated, though, since it sounds like these are all stepkids, with separate biological parents who all probably/hopefully are sharing them, too. But, childhood goes by so fast, if you're willing to make the effort to give them this time together, you can be very proud of yourselves!
2007-04-25 18:22:14 · answer #3 · answered by Maureen 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I take it some of them are your, his, and both. If they have become close with each other then yes allow them to spend time with each other. Children are smart, they know when there are problems. We don't give kids enough credit. Just because the two of you couldn't make it doesn't mean the children should have to pay the price.
2007-04-25 18:21:45 · answer #4 · answered by Krinta 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can understand the kids being close, but I think your asking for trouble. One of those deals where the set the two of ya up in hopes of you working it out. The worse part about a breakup is the kids. It affects them more than parents can imagine.
I wish you all the best of luck!!
2007-04-25 18:00:01 · answer #5 · answered by ~???~Twisted Angel~???~ 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your prolonging it and you hope that you can get back together . Either its over or it isn't but don't use the kids for your benefit
2007-04-25 18:06:35 · answer #6 · answered by dad 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, you have a problem. I think people shouldn't involve their children until things are really serious. Just go your separate ways....kids adapt more easily than adults. Godloveya.
2007-04-25 18:25:15 · answer #7 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should still let them be together, its not their fault that you are splitting, they shouldnt be punished for something out of their control, family is sitll family and thye obviously bonded as one so you should allow it, sont you want to see them as well?
2007-04-25 18:25:57 · answer #8 · answered by debbie v 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would tell them that you are divorcing and ask them how they feel about seeing each other when it is done/ I think they should be active in the decisions cause it effects them too.
2007-04-25 18:01:06 · answer #9 · answered by reneem1954_2000 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You divorce your spouse, not the children. Allow them to be together.
2007-04-25 18:02:03 · answer #10 · answered by jen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋