My boyfriend of three years dropped a bomb on me. he told me had met another girl at school and had been cheating on me these past few months. anyway, i found her on myspace, I want to talk to her and find out what the hell was actually going on. i think it's actually been going on for a long time, and I already know he's a liar. i also want to know if she knew about me and i want to want some closure. should i do it?
2007-04-25 10:43:15 · 25 answers · asked by allie0311 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Good luck getting any kind of answer out of her. I actually just tried this. I know my boyfriend was cheating on me, it was very obvious. I called him out and he denyed everything. I contacted her on myspace and within an hour got a call from him. He was really angry that I had involved his "friends" in our problems. Anyway, she never responded. She also sent a copy of the message to him, as I assumed she would.
Anyway, after having done this, I kicked myself. There is no real point. Either you're going to destroy some other girls world, or your going to piss her off, or she's going to lie to you anyway. Just accept that he cheated on you, it's between the two of you really. There are much better men out there and it only hurts you to think about the other woman. You know he's a liar, she'll find out who he is in good time. We all have to learn and make our own mistakes.
As for closure . . . kick him in the nuts and go out with your friends. There are better guys out there. Don't torture yourself through Liespace.
2007-04-25 10:52:29 · answer #1 · answered by kikikiwi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't recommend it. It could cause you a whole world of hurt, even bigger than the one you are already experiencing.
However, if you feel you absolutely have to talk to her, don't do it angrily. He is the dirtbag, not her. Just say, "I don't know if you know this, but I was actually dating 'John' when you two started seeing one another. I'm not trying to accuse you of anything, but I thought it would be important for you to know so you can keep an eye out and protect yourself." You can judge based on her response how long it has probably been going on. And, after this, I wouldn't pursue it any further. It won't make things better.
2007-04-25 17:47:54 · answer #2 · answered by Esma 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, I have been the other woman. I didn't know he was married until I got an e-mail from his wife. She and I talked to each other on the phone the next day. I apologized, but she said "No, you didn't know. He's the SOB." We talked about what happened, and what we saw in hindsight. I told her that if she needed me to I would testify for her at divorce proceedings, she declined my offer. She told me to call him that night about 7 and to give him a piece of my mind. I did call, and I did tell him. I never spoke or saw him again. (good thing too, I would have kicked him in the nuts)
Okay the point of that story was this. She may or may not know about you. In either case, be prepared for some uncensored truth. She has no reason to lie to you and what she may tell you might be hurtful. Do not lash out at her, it would serve no purpose and would not change the fact of the matter. Your BF cheated on you and is a sorry SOB!
2007-04-25 17:55:12 · answer #3 · answered by Poppet 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some will tell you not to because its not your ownh business, but to me it's up to you to find out what in a world is going on behind your back. There's a lot out there that will tell you or a person that she's the only one and all of a sudden when lust pop in, you become the second choice. If it will help you and give you a piece of mine, just do it cause you don't owe no one of explanation. This is your life and you just want to make sure where you stand and not to be treated like a fool. Remember the old saying say's "if he treat you like a fool, shame on him, second time he treated you again,shame on you" This are the facts that must be answered by you, just be careful and think about yourself this time...
2007-04-25 18:49:45 · answer #4 · answered by islandgirl06 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband of 10 years and I split up in October because of mental and emotional abuse. 1 month after our separation, he told me about the "other woman'. It was a girl from his high school.
I made the mistake of talking to this girl. She wanted to know what happened and I poured my heart out to her for 2 reasons 1) to know WHY she would agree to date a married man 2) to make her realize how much I love my husband and hopefully get her to stop dating him. Unfortunately, everything I told her ended up back in his ear.
I understand where you are. I know how painful it is, but talking to the other woman might bring more problems that you're bargaining for. You'll have to understand everything could get back to your boyfriend. Mutual friends will take sides on whether it was right or not. There will be consequences. You'll have to weigh out if it's worth it or not, but you don't know how mallicious she is either. She coudl make your life pretty darned miserable - and you'd be trusting her to tell you the truth.
My advice is to get rid of the jerk and don't look back. I know it's tempting, but stay away from her too. If you need to vent on someone, vent on him. He's the cheater and he deserves whatever you say to him!
2007-04-25 17:54:31 · answer #5 · answered by Shannon H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO NO NO. Remeber the "other woman" doesn't owe you a thing. She made no promises or commitments to you. The only one you need to discuss this with is the one that cheated on you. And that discussion should be a short good bye. There's a lot of great guys out there that is willing to give their all to just one person. Go find one and have a great life.
2007-04-25 17:52:25 · answer #6 · answered by joe v 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What good would it do? Would it make him any less of a scumbag if you found out that she DID know about you and just didn't care? Are you thinking you two might become friends after learning he cheated you both? Why bother? If he's untrustworthy then he's untrustworthy. Talking to the other woman, whether she knows about you or not, doesn't change that.
2007-04-25 17:48:19 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but you call him boyfriend, not husband or fiance. You've been seeing each other for three years. Haven't got married. Or engaged. So, what's happened that's so terrible? Your boyfriend is seeing somebody. So? He's not married. Or even engaged. Face reality. This must not be all that big a deal. After all, you guys haven't meant enough to each other to move to something more important than bf/gf, so why would the "other woman" think your relationship was a big deal? You guys set it's value yourselves. Don't blame some "other" person.
2007-04-25 18:01:43 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Why? How much more pain do you want to endure? AT LEAST he finally told you and another didn't have to! Be grateful for small favors dear...move on...disconnect yourself from him and leave her alone. It takes TWO to "tango" and clearly you can't control his feelings.
Your "closure" is walking away with dignity and not stooping to snoop around in this matter...Leave them alone, like I said, move on and remain with some dignity and class in this situation
Sincerely,
Grace
2007-04-25 17:48:58 · answer #9 · answered by bunnyONE 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your boyfriend cheated, so what! Move on, you're not in a marriage for goodness sake! There are way too many other men deserving of your time. Good Luck.
2007-04-25 18:36:40 · answer #10 · answered by Scout 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋