Is there a better way that I should have went about this?

Question

This sounds silly, but bear with me. I was having problems with one of our 3 wk old kittens. something was seriously wrong with it, and I wanted to take it to the vet. Instead of calling my husband and asking his opinion, I took it apon myself to take the kitten in anyways. Mainly because of the fact that if I were to have asked his opinion, he would have told me no. He hates spending money, and really doesn't have sympathy for animals very much. So I took it in, it cost us, $53 , which wasn't too bad because we are doing very good on money right now. I was glad we had the resourses to get it done, otherwise I wouldn't have been able to. Turns out, the kitten was severely dehydrated and had an eye infection. Well, of course I told him, and now I'm in trouble. When he asked why I didn't ask him beforehand, I was honest and said that it was because he would have said no. He said of course he would have, because the kitten is probably going to die anyways. But it is already improving.

I have never gone behind his back on anything, but in this case I felt that in a way it was what was best, according to the situation. My point to all this is, should I have asked his opinion, knowing he would have said no? Or was this the right thing to do. AAARRRGG...I can't please anybody and it's rather frustrating at times. Did I go about this the wrong way?

We have a good relationship, when faced with disagreement, we always talk it over and reach a common agreement. I just knew that one could not be reached on this one. I knew what I was up for when I did it, I was just looking at what was most important at the time. As far as the kittens, we have a cat that had them, so it was really neither of our choices to have them. I was definitely not just going to throw them out in the wild, though, just because it wasn't a choice of ours that they arrived..

He's not as controlling as it may sound. He is just tight with the money and is upset over what I chose to spend it on.

Answer 1

Putting all the details aside, the problem I see here is that you spent a little money without checking in with him first. The two of you need to set an amount, say $250.00 that you can spend with no questions asked. Anything above that consider a major purchase and agree to discuss it beforehand. But as far as the kitten goes, if i came home and my wife told me about the kitten and she didn't do anything for it, that's when we would have words. Sounds like your a caring and loving person. Probably just the thing that made hubby fall in love with you in the first place. Let him pout, he'll get over it.

Answer 2

sometimes a person just reacts-- they get scared something is going to happen and they try to control it before they think. I admire you for doing what you did with the kitten--maybe you should have talked it over with your husband to make sure you were on "the same page" but it sounds like you two have a very good relationship--all you can do is say your sorry and that you just did the best you could at that moment and maybe you weren't thinking so much of what he would think opposed to what the kitten needed. I think you did a beautiful job--the kitten couldn't do anything--you had to be its mommy and make a choice to make it more comfortable. I feel bad that you feel guilty over this-I think it's wonderful there are still compasionate people in this world--if you take that good of care of your animals you must be an awesome mother!!!! --I've notice that in people the ones who take the best care of their children treat their animals with alot more compassion also.

Answer 3

I think you did the right thing. It sounds like your husband is a little controlling and needs to lighten up a little.

If the kitten meant that much to you then he shouldn't be upset with you because you did what you knew was the right thing.

Some guys just don't' like to "waste" money on pets. And i've had many of arguments with my fiance over our dog and taking her to the vet. So i understand where you're coming from. If you knew he would have said no, and you wanted to do it anyway than i think you did the right thing.

Something tells me that he's controlling about a lot of things, not just the kitten. And if you constantly have to justify spending money on anything or have to ask his permission to do anything than i think you have some issues to work out with him. My step dad started out that way and now my mom practically has to ask his permission to do anything, and it's pathetic.

So i'd talk to him about this before it goes farther than just being mad over $53. Good Luck!

Answer 4

You did fine. You and your husband obviously need to talk and communicate more, even about the idea that you can't always communicate perfectly. Yes, in an ideal situation you should have talked with him about any decision that involves time, money or household pets. He just wants to be included in the decision making and it makes him feel worthless when you don't include him.

A very important question, however: Did both of you agree to have the kitten? It almost sounds like he is jealous of the kitten, that you may have wanted it far more than he did, or that he has been left out of the decisions making process in other areas. It may not be the money at all, or going behind his back this time, it may be about including him in your life and decisions. He may just be feeling left out.

Answer 5

I don't know. What would have happened if he had said 'No'? Would you not have been able to say "I disagree with you"? Does he always get his way?

My husband & I don't always agree. But, we do respect each other's differing point of view. There isn't always a 'right' and a 'wrong'. Sometimes there's 'I can see your point, and, while I think my solution is the way I would do things, I respect your feelings & your decision to go with your solution'

If you don't ever reach a concordance on things like that, I can understand why you did things this way. I just don't think it's a good situation overall, though.

Answer 6

You did not contact him because you had to take immediate action. Your judgment could have saved the cat's life. Though your family's financial situation is good, some people are stingy no matter what. You did the right thing and have nothing to apologize for. If your husband typically reacts in this way towards your decisions, I would suggest speaking with him, and if his behavior does not change, get some counciling. It'll make you feel so much better, trust me!

Answer 7

Hell No and why do you have to ask him. You know I understand that in a relationship you have to run things by your spouse but it sounds like he's a little controling. FYI I'm not an animal lover either but you did the right thing. Just because he doesn't like animals doesn't mean that you are supposed to let the kitten die.

Answer 8

You were fine. You are both grown adults capable of making decisions. UNLESS you have an agreement that you must always discuss with each other purchases of a certain dollar amount or higher (in my house, if it costs $2K or more, we have to talk first, anything less, we can decide for ourselves)

He sounds very CONTROLLING. You shouldn't have to ask your husband to OK your every move. You did what was best for the animal. HE has a problem, not you.

Answer 9

An idea that my wife and use is we set a spending limit. Either one of us can go out and spend up to x amount of money in any given week without consulting the other. This started for us because I thought she spent too much on clothes and she thought that I spent too much on golf. Since the agreement we haven't really fought about money.

Answer 10

Well, it sounds like you have more of an open heart than your partner - I've gotten myself into plenty of trouble with my partner over "saving the world" ( just animals) and I don't think that will ever change. .I feel you did the best you could - asking him would not have made him relent and allow you to take the kitten in.