am i still holding onto the past in some way?

Question

My ex and i were together for 6 years,we have a 4 year old son so wont be totally out of each others lives to some extent i suppose.He left us for the 2nd time just after new year and although i was expecting it i was still heartbroken as he was my first love,he was with someone else who i hate and as far as i know still is.

He came nad took most of his clothes one night but didn`t take his cd`s and stuff,most of it i threw out and told him i`d also binned his cd`s which i haven`t,they`re packed away in the attic.I do think i`m over him now but can`t bring myself to give him these back as i can`t bear the thought of them both listening to them,i know that`s pathetic but i don`t know if i`m maybe clinging onto the past in some strange way,i will always love him but accept he doesn`t feel the same,what do you think,am i being strange in keeping them or is this relatively normal?

Answer 1

Leave his things in the attic where they are and forget about them. You dont need to cause anger when he finds you lied about what you did with them, or to make him feel smug in anyway about what you did. He doesnt need to know that and it would be better you didnt tell him. It is normal, and yes it isnt very healthy - in a way you are feeling like you have to deprive him of something he loves because he has deprived you of something you love - him!

Some time in the future when life is better and you have someone else you will look at these things and remember this bad time with some strange happiness because you will be in a better place because of this. Then you can throw the cds away or better still give them to a charity shop - here these items lose their sentimentality and help other people by making money to alleviate other peoples problems. Theres always someone worse off than ourselves, and it probably doesnt feel that way right now but it will get better.

You should look at this time with him in a positive way to because he gave you your son, i have had a bad relationship to its still messy right now as we have just split and though it was bad, i wouldnt change a thing because i have my beautiful daughter. Sometimes strange blessings come our way.

Its hard now, but it will get better, i firmly believe that everything happens for a reason and though hard things happen there is always a silver lining. This man didnt deserve you, and he will be the one living with regret when he sees you moving on with someone who will love you, cherish you and treat you the way that you deserve to be treated.

Good luck and take care xx

Answer 2

Heck, what is normal anyway? Sounds like you're still in love with him but have come to the realization that the feeling isn't mutual. That's a good thing. So let's discuss the real problem. Your not feeling too good about yourself right now. You've been Through a lot and the person you've had to turn to with your problems is now your problem so you're keeping it in. But it's time to wake up and smell the coffee. Get out there and have a great time and over time you'll forget the past. In the mean time, you might just meet Mr. Right and find that you're life is better than ever. Sounds simple I know, and I'm sure your sitting there saying "yeah, right" but trust me. You've only got the one life and nobody is guaranteed tomorrow. And you owe it to your son to be happy. Bet if you give yourself a chance, Cinderella will suddenly appear and life will be great. Hang in there because you sure deserve it.

Answer 3

Oh my, do you ever need a hug. I don't know if it is normal to hold on to articles from a past relationship because I am still with my wife but I think it probably is. It is a way of grieving for something precious you have lost. I suspect you used to listen to his CDs with him. You do still love him as many people would have put his CDs in the garbage. I do not think you are strange. I think you are hurt. When you can let them go, you will have healed. But for now just keep them where they are.

Answer 4

Hey, it is normal to hold on to something that was once so important to you. although it must be hard as he was your first love, but you will eventually meet someone else, so maybe it's better for you to just bite the bullet and give them back to him, makes you the better person and when you meet that special someone, how will he feel when he realises your holding on to your past with your ex. tell your self out with the old in with the new, it's his loss that he's not with you make a fresh start and keep telling yourself you deserve happiness and you will find it too. someone will come along and treat you right. good luck hope you find a way to move on 100% he obviously has! hope you meet someone nice real soon.xx

Answer 5

It's normal to some degree, but are you sure your over him? Maybe your keeping these things hoping someday he will come back. It's hard to let go of someone you love, even when you know they don't feel the same. Sometimes it is due also to hanging on to what you knew you had when it was good and over looking the bad. This will keep us in the past, wishing we had what we had before. Also he was your first love, but don't allow him to control your life with this and not allow someone new into your life. Best Of Luck

Answer 6

You have NOT reached the point you think you have. There is no way of being over this in this short time, and you are revengeful towards him...admit it, laugh at yourself and move on. Why would you want him back? That is a better question, for it would seem you want him back from your writing. Put down the negative energy, get a good focus on YOUR life and your child's, and move forward. As for me, I would either burn the CD's or pitch them in the trash..or you might just give them back to him...they are doing nothing but going bad where they are..and cd's can go bad from heat. IF you are not going to use them, then give them to him..your actions belie your statements. Move forward, not backwards in life. Good luck

Answer 7

It is relatively normal it can take years to completely get him out of your system. This is your way of handling the situation. In time you may feel strong enough to get rid of them but at the moment you are still hurting from what he did which is perfectly normal. When I split from my eldest daughters dad everyone was telling me that in a way you grieve for that person - even though he hasn't died you have lost him as a partner so you are holding on to his possessions to remind you of what you had or keeping a part of him close to you.

Answer 8

Sell them on Amazon,go buy yourself something nice with the Money,wish I had have done that, but I gave him everything and anything he owned just to be rid,still have Photo's though in a box in the Attic tell you what, we'll do a swap lol.
Don't think you'd get much for the photos though " UGLY DUDE".

Answer 9

Its normal. The CD's and listening to them bring back memories. Nothing wrong with holding on to memories. If he wants them back give them back, you have the best memory of all when you look in your son's face.

Take some time for yourself, get better, and move on. Love yourself.

Answer 10

honestly, you are totally normal for feeling this way. You have to deal with the end of a relationship much in the same way as you handle death. You must go through all of the motions of coming to terms with this "death". If you run them over with the car will it make you feel better? I did it and It seriously helped me. I mean, screw him, they aren't gonna do it to the same CD's we did it to, that's wrong! Hope you feel better soon.