stealing a person's partner, when is it ok or not ok?

Question

hey guys

Strange question, please try and be civil one and all. I was just wondering when or even if its' ok to date a person's partner while they're still seeing someone else? Most people call it stealing them, and there is a huge stigma about it all.

Reason being I was chatting to my fiancee about this one, and we went through the same situation where she and I fell in love with each other while she was engaged to someone she didn't care for. I am now engaged to her and very happy, but I've been branded with this "label" for being a "b*****d" and a "thief", which I find hurtful as most people don't understand it. Even my family for a few months after criticised me for "stealing" someone's fiancee, even though I feel for once I was justified on that one (much longer story but not enough room). Fact was that her ex fiancee ended up raping her, so was I really so bad for taking her to be with me?

Anyways, can anyone think of any other examples where it might be ok?

Toodles

The thing is we've been together several years. I know it was awful what we did, but at the same time I still feel to this day that it was the only way to save her mental health and get her out of a very bad relationship (she has schitzophrenia and fibomyalgia, nice combo). Why they were together is a long one, and longer still why she no longer loved him, but she only stayed with him because she didn't want to face the conflict of telling him to get lost. And at the end of the day he didn't really love her either but didn't wanna just walk off for a reason we still don't know to this day.

As for her leaving me, well, if it happens, it happens, so long as she is happy.

I shall explain something quickly:

Up until very shortly before the break-up, even though we both loved each other, we decied to keep it as just friends. And no, she didn't love him, and it was making her unwell mentally to pretend she still did. We only got "together" less than a month before and that was not intentional at all, it just happened.

Thanks for those people who are giving fair and interesting answers, and for keeping more open-minded than you'd expect.

Question: surely people believe it is better to be happy in life than to be depressed and not want to be with who you are with. In the interests of happiness all round, why would you stay with someone who doesn't care for you and you don't love?

Answer 1

i wouldn't say this is a "ok" or "not ok" question. to be civil on this one, well, it's actually not right to date a person who already with someone, that's ethically speaking.

but people are people, we are what we feel and more often than not we regret on things that we didn't do. "Do what you think is right and be happy about it" thats my self-motto, dont do it if it makes either of you unhappy and feel bad. For grown-ups like us, we should be mature enough to be responsible to what is going to happen. If you really like that person, i think you should go right ahead with it, coz let's face it, who can guarantee a happily ever after fairy tale ending? no one. i mean even for married couple they can dirvorce too, but that another matter altogether though.

ok, hope it helps.

p/s: u answered one my question too and i really like ur answer, so, hope u can get thru this one, all the best! :)

pp/s: her ex fiancee is a jerk!sorry for being rude, but i just have to say it!

Answer 2

The reality is that we all justify and rationalize things in our lives, whether or not we realize we do. Many of the people you refer to probably haven't stopped to think of what they do as stealing, but it has probably occurred to some who have reasoned it out in their head as to why this is an exception to the rule. I'm sure there are also many who think if you can download it, then it can't be wrong or illegal. You're right--stealing is wrong, and downloading copyrighted music without paying for it is wrong. But I'm sure there are probably things you do that are wrong, and you just haven't faced the truth about them. I'm thankful God doesn't do in a split second all the work he has to do in our lives. We would probably go into shock. Instead, he gradually keeps on revealing areas where we need to change, learn, and grow. Blessings.

Answer 3

Frankly, I don't feel that one can "steal" a person. You can steal a car, or a wallet, or a TV set - yes. But when it comes to people and relationships, it is so complex that judging someone to be a "thief" is too simple-minded for my taste. It sounds like your fiancé had a say in staying with the person she had been engaged to, as well as in being with you. How much her mental and emotional condition influenced either decision is anyone's guess - but each of us is stuck with making choices based largely on the circumstances and on our abilities and perceptions; she is no different. Don't listen to others; they are in no position to be throwing stones. I don't think anyone can judge what is "ok" and what is not. You two are the only ones whos feelings matter in this situation. I will go as far as saying that even if she and her fiancé didn't have any major problems, it would still have been possible for her to unexpectedly fall in love with you, and to choose to be with you - and there's not a damn thing wrong with it. Everyone takes chances when entering a relationship, and if her fiancé was too afraid to get burned he should have stayed single. Things happen. I am happily married, but if my husband met someone else, I really wouldn't have anyone to blame - not him, not me, not that "someone else". I am taking my chances by reaching out to others. I'm sure not everyone judges you; and even if some do - don't let it get to you. We all make our own choices, trying to do the best we can. Congrats on your wedding.

Answer 4

Okay as a women scorned.....no its not okay however you couldn't steal her because she isnt' a possesion. You probably shouldn't have dated her while she was still with the other man even if he was a jerk. If you were just friends and you convinced her as a friend to leave an unhealthy relationship and you two ended up together that is a whole nother story. So to answer your question, no its never okay to persue someone in a relationship, if you feel that they are in an unhealthy or dangerous relationship then as a friend you should try to help them but it should be for the right reasons not for ones own personal gain.

Answer 5

Being engaged isn't quite the same as married. Close though. And I don't really think much of getting involved with a person already in a relationship, but if there is fault, it would be hers, because she was in the relationship. I never thought of it, but the interval from when you agree to marry, to when the wedding occurs IS a cooling off time. Even without ANY outside interests from either party, couples occasionally REALLY think about life with them? Only them? And, the wedding gets called off. Bottom line- When either is open to a new relationship DON'T marry.

Answer 6

Never is it okay. What you have tried to do is to justify what happened. If a person is in a committed relationship, then they are committed. If they are not in a relationship, then they are not. What you have said is that the girl you are now with was with a bad fiance. What you have to ask is why? What character flaws does she have to have kept her there? Is she weak? Uncaring? two-timing? unable to commit? What? There is a weakness there and you'd better figure it out or else you'll find yourself in the same shoes. Sure, you may not rape her (hopefully not) but then again, she may find someone better than you, and yes, there is always someone better, and leave you for him.

It also makes one wonder why you even went out with her when you knew she was engaged to someone else. Could you not have waited until she dumped him? Why were you so willing to step in on this relationship? Don't say because it was a 'good' relationship. Obviously your girl thought it was 'good enough' to stay in. She only waited long enough to find something better. So she found a guy who doesn't believe in committed relationships ... you.

Answer 7

This is one where you're not gonna hear what you want unless it's someone who has done the same thing. It's never ok to take what is not yours. I understand if you interfere because of a life threatening situation but, the reality is, she should have just left him on her own with you as a moral support if you want to call it that. She should have broken the engagement if she did'nt care for him and then been free to pursue a relationship elsewhere instead of misleading him and running off with you. keep in mind that someday you and her will face difficulties and you better hope she does'nt "fall in love" with another while with you.
P.S. I hope she sought counseling for the crisis she went through as well as putting that man in jail!!

Answer 8

I believe that you need to be happy in life and sometimes that means ruing someone Else's,but never should anyone go a head and cheat, its called growing a pair being an Adult and telling the truth,always finish one relationship before walking into another.
I just find cheating disrespectful.

Answer 9

You know I hate the term "Stealing" it isn't stealing when the other person involved willingly goes along with you. I see your point I myself was in that situation I fell in love with my husband who at the time was involved with his ex girlfriend of a year. I don't regret it one bit she was awful to him and what he didn't have with her he found in me and we have been married for three years. I believe that you can find your soul mate at any time and in any situation. I think that it is wrong for your own family to criticize you when they should be happy that you're happy! You shouldn't have to answer to no one it's your life and you only get one so go on and stop worrying enjoy your fiancee I wish you guys the best!

Answer 10

in an ideal world, we would meet our soul mates and live happily ever after!

this is BS, it doesnt happen like that and sometimes we fall for people we arent 'meant to fall for, but who says we arent meant to???

society! not nature because nature for some reason wants those people together or they wouldnt be attracted to each other!!

so all this crap of 'stealing' someone its not as if you walk into a shop see a woman or man and put them in your pocket and walk off!! you cant 'steal' a person who doesnt want to be stolen!

life is life and poo happens! stop thinking about what other people think and live it! jesus, if we all did this the world would be much happier! you got her enjoy her!!

good luck to you both i say!!!