am i the worst wife in the world or what?

Question

my husband and i have a 10 month old daughter. There were a few incedents that made me think it was possible that my husband could be sexually abusing our daughter. I took the baby to the doctor to be examined and she was fine and showed no signs of abuse. The doctor was required by law to report this to childrens services and now they say that they have to talk to my husband!!! (ive been trying to keep this from him). Now i feel like ive made a huge mistake because he is good father and husband and im afraid that im going to lose him because im a paranoid overprotective mother. would you have done the same thing? how do i tell my husband about this?

the first incedent, i had him give her a bath (in the family tub which he doesnt normally do and when he brought her down to me i found a pubic hair in her crotch area. #2 a week later i left her alone with him for the first time ever and when i came home her vaginal area was red and irritated but it didnt look like a normal diaper rash and even though i didnt put cream on it the rash was gone the next day #3 the other day i found two open sores about the size of a pea both parallel to eachother on each side about an inch from the vaginal opening.

Answer 1

There had to be something which made you think this. I truly believe in women's intuition. Explain to him what you have done and why. Better he find out from you that them. Good Luck. Your child's welfare comes before anything. the child depends on you to look after them in all ways.

Answer 2

HOLD IT PEOPLE!! You did the right thing! Don't allow these guys to beat you up. Sexual abuse is rampant and common. From what you descrbe, it may be something to suspect. There are usually other signs and issues that follow along with abuse. Was your husband abused as a child? Does your husband act differently? Do you observe grooming going on? Listen, the web has a wealth of info on signs of abuse. Something made you think things were not right. Sometimes little girls get irration from bubble baths that cause the vaginal area to become red-but the doctor saw no signs of that apparently. Have you observed your daughter touching herself? Some girls her age do that.
Here's the bottomline: This situaion is serious. Either way. You can expect your husband to immediately leave the house and your marriage--regardless of whether or not he is guilty. I recently observed a friend's husband be outraged that aybody would suspect he would do this sort of thing. He was enraged--and he is also very guilty. I am a witness at his trial. He's guilty. Yet he certainly put on the show. He was slick as cat snot and it was awful to see how sly he operated--reat dad, longtime federal emplyee. Guilty as sin.You did the right thing. Your first obligation is to protect your child.

Answer 3

I think that far too many people just let things go thinking that "it can never happen to them", or to people that they know. No one here can understand what it must have taken for you to go to your doctor because you thought your husband might be abusing your daughter. What if all those signs you saw were ignored and it was actually going on?! Your baby is too young to tell you, you had suspicions and there was only one way to find out. You did your job as a mother. Period. She is your #1 concern. As far as this being reported, yes CPS will talk to him, but if there werent any signs of abuse so this will not show up on his record other than it was an inquiry. SO, anyone who says that this has "ruined his life" is wrong. It will NOT mark him as a child molester or anything like that. I wish your whole family well,and I hope things work out for the best. Just remember if you think something is going on it is NEVER wrong to get it checked out!

Answer 4

What in the world could have possibly led you to believe such a horrible thing about your husband and then do a comlete 360 and say he is a wonderful husband and father??????? Also, why would you even mention the fact that you suspected your husband without any proof what-so-ever????? Have you seen your husband touching her inappropriately, has he got a thing for kiddy porn, does he make sexual comments about your daughter?

This is a huge thing you have done here! I think you should tell him, but I also think you should prepare yourself for him leaving you! I can't imagine how a marriage can come back from something like this. If he truly is a good husband and father, he is going to be devastated that not only do you think this way about him, but that you actually took it one step farther!

There is obviously a lot more to this story. I understand being over protective, but to accuse the man you love and the father of your child of such a horrible thing, that is unforgivable in my book. If he's done something to make you think he is capable of something like this, then you shouldn't be with him in the first place!!!!!!! I don't know!! I feel like there is a lot of this story that was left out!!!

Okay - after reading your additional comments, I understand how you MAY have been scared. Babies get irritated down there very easily! Nothing that you described necessarily means anything - other than she is sensitive. I could understand if you sat down with your husband and talked to him - explaining how important it is to be very gentle when bathing her or changing her diaper, but to accuse him of sexual abuse seems VERY extreme to me! Taking her to the doctor, explaining what you noticed on these 3 occasions and asking their opinion was a good idea - bringing up the idea of your husband sexually abusing her is WAY over the top!!! I still think your marriage is in serious trouble! Consider yourself a VERY lucky woman if he forgives you for this one!!

Answer 5

*Well if you don't mind can you re-post and tell us what those "few incidents" were that would give you reason to believe your husband would be doing that to his own daughter?

.I don't think you were in the wrong and you have no reason to feel guilty for it, you just did what your instincts told you to do. And usually women don't tell or don't speak up and do anything about those types of situations....and it's usually the ones who don't that come to find out later that there was in fact something going on, just as they suspected the whole time. But since they never told anyone, nothing was ever done about it.

**Now if you were told by the child services that you need to talk to your husband about this, then yes you have to. Because I am assuming they are going to investigate, and eventually he is going to be made aware of the accusations. I'm not sure how it works where you live at, but I thought that when those types of things were reported...you can keep yourself anonymous, that way there is no conflicts etc.

.Anyways if they told you talk to him then you should, or if it makes you that un-easy you can talk to a social worker and tell them how you feel to have to talk to him about it.

**So you need to either talk to him, especially if you were advised to by the child services. Or if you cannot bring yourself to do it alone, you need to contact a social worker...and ask for advice.

**good luck.

Answer 6

You have every right to be concerned - it is your child after all. Look, as women, we all worry about someone sexually abusing our children. If you have had some sort of experience of your own, whether you are open about it or not, you are more sensitive to it. Perhaps you are paranoid, but I would rather my spouse be paranoid than not care at all. Talk to your husband - explain to him why you are so scared - make it about a girl in general and not him specifically. Also, listen to the little voice in your head - it's never wrong. Go with your gut on this one.

Answer 7

You are not an overprotective paranoid mother. I personally think you made a very couragoues act. Your 10 month child cannot tell you what is going on, but if you suspect, it is definately your responsiblility to make sure nothing unappropriate is going on. I do not mean to offend, but, if there are any such suspicions from your husband, does it make him a fit father? Also, if you don't mind, may I ask why you suspect? Maybe then it would be easier to answer this or help you out. --Kristina

Answer 8

To me is sounds like an investigation is in order. Honestly, why are you sure something DIDN'T happen? Murders & rapist are always "good fathers/sons/friends" etc. I'm not saying he did anything, but all I'm seeing from you is that you basically feel bad for worrying about the safety of your child. Let CPS investigate & find out what the doctors report is. You owe it to your child to be a good mother & protect her from any abuse, even if it makes you a bad wife.

Answer 9

I think if I was your husband and I was accused of doing something so terrible to my daughter, by my own wife, I would leave your sorry a**. He could be in major trouble here--- we're talking prison time even, and having to be listed as a sex offender... you should have asked him about it in the first place and not gone directly to the doctor... or at least make sure of it before you do go!

Answer 10

a few incidents that made you think your husband might have done this, if you were so worried that you took her to the dr there is something wrong somewhere, of course tell him, if they haven't already, either there is something strange happening with your husband or you are in need of a shrink this is not a thing that can just be forgotten, your husband may not ever forgive you if your actions were completely unfounded, if you had a good reason to suspect you need your head examined for living with him

Answer 11

Just tell him, sweetie. You are not the worst wife in the world, you are maybe the best mother in the world. Your primary consideration as the mother of that child has got to be the child. You acted to protect the child. You did the right thing. Your husband will be shocked, but if he is a good man he will realize that you were doing what you thought was the right thing -- you were a mother protecting her child! Just tell him. He will understand once he gets over the shock, and if he is a truly good man he will not only take it in stride, he will come to admire you for what you did. Just tell him.