My husband and I have been married for nearly 6 years now and last week I found something quite disturbing. While cleaning and organizing (I'm a stay at home mom, I do it all day long, no I wasn't snooping) I found a note he had wrote to my best friend telling her that he has feelings for her and wants her to be happy. He never lets her know who he is nor does he say he wants a relationship with her. He just says he wants her to be happy and that he wants to be happy. Then at the end of the letter he leaves his cell phone number. I confronted him about it and he says it was just therapeutic and he only did it to get her out of his mind and that ever since then things have been better he just hasn't had a chance to get rid of it without me seeing it. I know what hes going through as I have gone through something very similar and he was very understanding. We are working through it but the problem is I have told my friend about it but didn't tell her it was her. Shoud I? Why or why not??
2007-04-25 08:18:27 · 25 answers · asked by Wanda 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I don't know your history or what you and your husband has been going through, but I'm am a little concerned about the number your husband put at the bottom of the page. Let's just say that you hadn't found the letter and confronted him. Who's to say that he really had no intentions of giving her the letter? After all, his cell number was at the bottom of the page. It is really up to you at this point whether you tell your friend or not. I would be concerned personally of him trying to still hook up with her behind your back, this way it will be out in the open. Yes, it will be awkward for your friend and your husband to be around each other. And if you don't the feelings of what might have been will eat you up!
2007-04-25 08:53:54 · answer #1 · answered by stepintostep 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was involved with a similar situation. Now it tears me apart everytime he talks to her. Even though he says the feelings aren't there, it hurts. The best hing to do is tell her. I told my friend and she confronted him about it. Believe me, if the feelings are not reciprocated, it will nip him in the bud. After a year it has gotten better, but it will never be the same between all of us again. I grew up with her and her husband and the two of us have all been best friends forever. I think men are just idiots! If they so much as THINK that a woman finds them desirable, they get all egoistical. Even if there is nothing there, they have huge imaginations.
2007-04-25 09:26:02 · answer #2 · answered by Trixie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u tell your friend and u lose either one of the two
ur friend or ur husband
could be that u lose both of them
coz then they might live happily ever after, not turning back to look at you.
so i would suggest that just leave it as it is.
in the first place, even if you had found the note, you should have watched quietly what was happening, and not told ur husband about the note.
u see my point is that u do not neccessarily have to talk about everything u find out. maybe if u had kept quiet, u would have been able to find out if there was more to it than just the note.
now that ur husband knows that u have found out about the note, he can always go ahead and actually meet ur friend, and discuss his plans to further strengthen the relationship with her. and he can and will snap back at u, that u jnew it all along, it shouldnt be a surprise to u
i hope i have made myself clear to you.
sometinmes u just shush up, rather than spilling the beans.
2007-04-25 08:27:53 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't say a thing to her. Your lucky your husband told you the truth he obviously loves you and wants to be with you. Plus if you told her maybe she would be uncomfortable but maybe she would act on it. You never know some women are very conniving. I dont know how good of a friend she is to you or your husband but have you ever heard the phrase out of sight out of mind? Maybe that would be best.
2007-04-25 08:52:18 · answer #4 · answered by VeNnY 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is sad that your husband did this, but it's good that he got exposed. Sometimes that's all a person needs to stop before a spark grows into a fire.
Don't tell your friend anything, of course. And don't let your husband slide. Make sure he knows that you are hurt.
2007-04-25 08:29:29 · answer #5 · answered by Kalistrat 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
have a 3-some.
2007-04-25 08:27:10 · answer #6 · answered by midnite_thundar 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'd say, don't tell her. The reason being is, it might make things very uncomfortable for the three of you. Just leave it at that and concentrate on working through this with your husband.
2007-04-25 08:23:23 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well that depends, do you want your husband or not? If you don't want him, tell her and maybe you can cook a dinner for the two of them as their first date. If you do, you should be seriously talking to him and telling her nothing of the situation, why stir her curiosity about your man? You don't need to share everything with your bf! Especially not your man!
2007-04-25 08:32:03 · answer #8 · answered by Cutegirlnameliola 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Bad idea. What if she is flattered and takes advantage of the situation. Now your friend will be sleeping with your husband. Leave it be.
Hope all gets better
2007-04-25 08:28:02 · answer #9 · answered by Cutie Pie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only person you need to talk to is your husband and let him know this **** isn't flying with you. Either he has eyes only for you or he doesn't and if he doesnt, then this relationship is not going to work out.
2007-04-25 08:24:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋