Seriously, my friend is pretty, funny, nice as can be, fun to be with, has had offers from tons of men to date, etc., yet she always ends up with the biggest idiots who are little boys trapped in men's bodies. She always ends up trying to support them while struggling to support herself and her two kids (whose dad, by the way, is another total moron loser), and she is basically raising another kid with him. He's stolen her stuff and pawned it, punched holes in her walls, got her on heroin, which he has just recently (supposedly) stopped using ( and which she was only on very briefly and has recovered from that a while ago), he smokes marijuana, and is just a total idiot, but she "loves" him and just doesn't want to be without him. WHY??? Seriously, I am looking for a serious answer based on some real psychological reason, because I'm tired of trying to cover her *** and help her out when she doesn't even want to help herself!
2007-04-25 07:04:39 · 14 answers · asked by iluvgrthbrks 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
I'm not trying to stereotype women, but you can't deny that there are so many great women out there who end up with the biggest losers when you just know they could do so much better! She has so much to offer a guy, and she wastes it all on him. She is always fighting with him and complaining about him, she's had to go buy back her stuff from pawn shops because of him and everything. I just don't get it, what is it that makes a person want to stay with him. She's not afraid of him, he doesn't threaten her or anything, he's just a piece of crap and I can't understand why she would want that.
2007-04-25 07:16:38 · update #1
In response to one of the answers: We are very close, basically sisters, she tells me everything. I try to support her, I don't try to tell her she's doing anything wrong, I try to listen to her and, basically just tell her what she wants to hear instead of telling her what I actually think because I don't want to pretend like I know everything about the situation. But I do know enough to know that it's not a healthy relationship. The only good thing he brings to the relationship is probably the sex and the nice things he says to her when he's trying to kiss her *** because he's done something stupid. I'm not asking for advice on what to do, I know I can't change her, I've been dealing with this for 10 years now (different guys) and I've learned that she'll have to do it herself. I do not let her know how aggravated I get with the whole situation, I just go with it and hope that eventually she is going to wake up and realize that she is screwing herself and her kids.
2007-04-25 07:50:46 · update #2
Oh, and also, she knows that what she is doing is stupid. She cries to me all the time "Why can't I ever make good decisions?" She's not a stupid person, she knows what she's doing, but she just WON'T get herself out of the situation. I am just trying to understand what makes a person do this to themselves. I get it about the whole self-esteem thing and all, it just is so hard to watch someone basically just beating themselves up with the stupid decisions they make.
2007-04-25 07:55:03 · update #3
I am thinking that your friend's predisposition for toxic guys stems from some deep-seated feelings of insecurity and self-consciousness. On some level she must feel like she doesn't deserve anyone better than the guys she dates. Another explanation could be that she craves the drama of dating a bad boy. There's really not a whole lot of excitement in a regular, loving relationship after the initial few months, but with a guy with anger management problems, drug abuse, etc. provides her with her own personal soap opera, and a lot of women really get off on that. She may just be afraid to be happy and secure, since it sounds like being on the run from no-good guys is sort of what she's used to by now. Those are what I could think of for potential reasons. Good luck, and don't forget- you are not your friend's keeper! Sure, you want what's best for her, but ultimately she is going to have to be the one who decides enough is enough and gets herself out of her bad dating pattern.
2007-04-25 07:16:29 · answer #1 · answered by fizzygurrl1980 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Your friend has several issues. Firstly, there is a psychological component that stems from low-self esteem. Additionally, if she were dating someone better, she would feel more self conscious about herself. If she is dating a loser, she feels that there is less pressure on herself and this is a feeling of comfort.
However, if your friend has consistently dated losers and been in toxic relationships and doesn't make any changes, then there is something wrong. The Medical Examiner in the Trayvon Martin case stated "If you have new information, new experiences, you read a new book, you change your opinion. If someone never changes opinion, you can call them mentally retarded. You never learn, right?"
In summary, I think that your friend suffers from psychological and intellectual impairments. Smart people don't consistently make poor decisions regarding serious life matters. Smart people may make poor decisions, but ultimately learn from their mistakes and are successful due to this ability. I believe that Dr. Bao's testimony is apropos to the situation with your friend. If she never learns, then while a psychological component is the root cause, the inability to adapt in light of new evidence is an intellectual deficiency.
2014-02-15 02:47:00 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Many women are subconsciously attracted to losers. Here's a short story of just one of the women I know that do this.
I met a girl who had great looks and seemed pretty smart. She had just broke up with a guy who took her to a party used the date rape drug on her. So she had set her mind to, "I'm done with guys." I hung out with her a bit and made it pretty clear that I was interested in her. I never come on strongly. Just enough to show that I'm interest, she needs to make the next step to show that she's done with the boys and ready for a man. She didn't make that step. I figured, hey maybe she just needs some time. Then three or so days later, bamn! Dating a guy.
This was enough for me to no longer be interested. Clearly she was in denial of her own thoughts and feelings. Something I find very unattractive. Anyway. A couple days after that she calls me up, crying. Got abused again... (I have a 'no mercy for the stupid' policy) So I said, "Well that sucks, but I'm a bit busy right now."
Moral of the story - Learn From Your Mistakes!!! Quit accepting losers. GO for a good guy. That means you will probably have to approach him, not the other way around. You are attracting losers, just say no.
2007-04-25 07:30:45 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 1⤋
There is only one true answer to this age old question.....you cant tell me about their "self esteem" or their "confidence" or anything else...those are just excuses for this behavior.....the answer is women are IDIOTS.....It's genetically imprinted in all of them....if they do not leave a jerk of a guy willingly, no matter what happens, then she deserves him and deserves what happens....take it from me, a great guy who got dumped by a woman who I truly loved years ago and she went back to her loser ex-boyfriend, then met another loser some years later and now she is dead....killed by her ex abusive husband......so don't anyone give me any bulllshit reasons that women give ...it's just to hide the fact that they are morons....
2015-07-21 03:05:42 · answer #4 · answered by planetclaire7 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think A good number of women want A man they can manipulate, that's why alot of them choose idiots some of them also try to manipulate and lie but it doesn't work with certain people
2014-04-20 14:58:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
women are wired to naturally like the loser. A girl can control a loser, not a winner. that's what happens. A girl may like a smart winner, but will usually go with his taller friend, because she likes it better that she can control the smart winner, by using the taller guy to leverage herself. In reality, it will only hurt her, as the smart one will leave her permanently and ends up stuck with the taller loser.
Even an inch of tall will make a difference.
2007-04-25 07:14:18 · answer #6 · answered by Devan 1 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Your friend is probably lacking in self esteem and doesn't feel worthy of better men. She falls for their flattery because she is afraid she will not be loved, so she takes what they dish out. She could use serious counseling.
2007-04-25 07:16:15 · answer #7 · answered by Maria b 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had problems with losers for years off and on.i don't even date any or don't want any.i rather have nice decent man,but I guess they are not attractive to me.i get losers that are in trouble and party boy,bad boys.. or married want sex on side or get loser,that want me to support them.i don't hang around them.they come after me,it pisses me off.maybe its my height maybe if I was taller it would help.i even changed my style still don't help.i hope someday a decent nice man would like me..i don't want no loser to like me..
2014-06-20 15:09:49 · answer #8 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1
2017-02-28 02:15:00 · answer #9 · answered by alana 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well dont stereotype all women for few cases, as for ur friend maybe she found dat relation wid this looser is a challenging mission and she's working on it and wanna go along wid it
2007-04-25 07:11:14 · answer #10 · answered by Preeya 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋