Is it common for husbands to get very defensive and deny cheating even when there is proof?

Question

I found proof (pretty expicit emails) that my husband was up to something bad. When I confronted him about it, he tried to convince me that the email was about another man. I knew this was a lie and called him on it. He proceeded to get angry and accuse me of always thinking he is messing around. There have been other instances in which I found out he opened an account on a singles site. He also began to yell because I checked his email ( as though that is as bad as cheating). He made commments about my parenting as well as other parts of my character. These are issues he has never mentioned before. To me it seemed like he was trying to take any attention off of him and turn it around to make it like I was the one who was wrong. Is this a typical reaction of someone who has been caught?

Answer 1

Absolutely, he is cheating on you sweetie and trying to make you stay and be his little fool, divorce him ASAP, don't put yourself through the trauma

Answer 2

Every time I caught my ex cheating , he told me I was crazy. I could always tell when he was cheating. He would start smoking and drinking more. The last time I found a jewelery receipt for diamond earrings that I did not get. He told me 5 lies in 5 minutes trying to explain that one. To top it off he was and still is going with my youngest sister. Keep the evidence you have make copies. Once a cheater always a cheater. Make sure you keep your live clean no cheating or things he can use against you. Get out now. I waste 37 years of my life with a cheater hoping he would change they do not!!!!!
Move on and do not let him try to turn the tables on you. He is the one that is doing wrong and wants to make you feel responsible. My ex excuse was I did not give him sex. Would you want to go to bed with him after he came from her house. Also, he had previous given be ans STD. So, the lies go on and on. Move out now while you are young.

Answer 3

Yes it is a typical reaction of someone getting caught. However, be careful it is also the typical reaction of someone who did not commit the crime as well. However the fact that he was changing subjects does seem peculiar. To be honest own up for what you did in checking his email, that was wrong. You mention that's not as bad as cheating you're right but it is still a violation of trust. (The end doesn't justify the means) You found out he was cheating by violating his trust. I would own up to it, talk to him and say I'm sorry I violated your trust by checking your email, but I've been feeling like you haven't been honest with me, and judging by what I saw, my odd feeling was validated. Chances are if you're honest and are apologetic he will do the same. If you do in fact get his admission or more proof, tell him thanks for his honesty, and then tell him to go kick rocks, you deserve better, but really stop evading privacy or people's trust in you will get damaged just as your trust in your husband has, good luck.

Answer 4

Yes..definitely. By nature 'cheating' is acting in a dishonest manner with your supposed closest friend, your spouse. There is usually an illusion that the affair won't be discovered and that therefore noone will be hurt. Therefore when confronted with the affair, by the spouse, the cheater finds it most natural to go into denial ie. to continue the illusion. The thought of hurting the spouse is too difficult to embrace. Usually after the proof is laid on the table, the truth is 'extracted' from the cheater.

Answer 5

It's not uncommon behavior for anyone caught in a lie or dishonest behavior, to lie about it themselves or try to turn the tables on the person who confronted them about it. They don't want to take responsibility for their actions, so if they can convince you that you are incorrect or your behavior was wrong, then they figure you've got less (or nothing) to hold against them.

Snooping/invading someone's privacy is very unkewl...but if you were being unkewl and you discovered cheating, that doesn't make the cheating less of an issue.

Answer 6

That's exactly the type of response you'd expect from a person who is covering up a lie. You should check out a book called "Never Be Lied To Again" By David Lieberman. He's a former detective and he explains how you can very easily detect when somebody is lying within seconds. It's a very good book & a quick read. After reading it, you'll be spotting liars left & right.

Answer 7

Of course he'll get defensive if you catch him dead to rights. He knows he's been doing something wrong. His guilt makes him get defensive and try to turn it around on you. This isn't a good guy. If he were truly sorry for what he has done, he'd admit his mistake, promise not to do it again, and move forward. The fact that he hasn't done any of this is a sure sign he plans to continue doing this type of thing again and again. You can't control him, but you can control what you will do. In your place, I'd insist on marriage counseling. If he refuses, I just might ask for a divorce.

Answer 8

Yes, very typical. You need to decide if you are going to deal with his cheating or try to get out, save the marriage, or whatever, or ignore the whole thing. Some people can ignore this behavior, and there won't be fights and lies. Other people go to counseling and try to find out why this happened, and others just head for the door. Good luck.

Answer 9

Yes it is, people who cheat tend to do that, or even if they do another kind of thing that they know it's wrong and get caught, they will try to take attention off of the problem, or will say excuses like the one of your husband "the email was about another man"... right...

Answer 10

Yes, to all of the above. By his accusations, he is trying to deflect away from his own behavior. And even with proof, he isn't likely to admit anything. I'm going thru the exact same thing. It's all innocent behavior according to him. My husband joined 2 dating services and said it was just a diversion from all the stress he was under. Bullshit!!! I could have been a nice diversion for him if that's what he wanted. He wanted the companionship of someone else. He wanted something I wasn't giving him. Your guy is lying. He isn't going to admit to anything that he doesn't have to. And if he is like mine, he will cover one lie by telling another. We are still together and working on this...good luck to you. The trust can never be regained if he continues to lie.

Answer 11

to answer your question, Yes, most men will become this way.

PLEASE becareful, this is how diseases are passed. Men are more likely to carry a desease with out signs of one, as women will produce signs must faster.

some deseases such as HIV can go with signs for several years.

Cheating is an awful thing on either part and needs to have an end.

............................. On another note............................

I see no one wants to answer my question, so please allow me to bring this question to the most popular questions (bringing it to you) and hopefully, just maybe with the right timing I can save at least one life here today.

Why do Most American Men provoke their women to be sleazy?

I see it every day in the hospital I work in, on the streets, on the internet, and every other place…. Men who want their female partner to dress like she is a hooker, and I want to know why?

I am not trying to be anal, I am pointing out what I see in every day life. wouldn’t you rather keep that for your self in the privacy of your own home?

Also why do women put out so easy?

Females, don’t you get it by now????? Men don’t marry the cow when the milk is free. Which means why marry you when all they see is your body.
If you think your Man loves you, ask him what your fav. Color is, your fav. Ice cream, food, drink, place to go, song, movie, your fav. Shoes. Can he tell you the face you make when some thing smells bad? Or identify the laugh you do when your truly happy?
If your “Man” cant tell you these things then it’s time to put some cloths on and wait for the real deal, the man that wants you for you not what you can do for him.

Just a little FYI …. In the last 3 years alone I have treated an increase of 12% of patients with HIV, all sexually relation cases. Please think about that, and take care of your selves.