I have been seeing a man who lives 90 min. away for 4 mos. - we see each other on wknds sometimes. There is no commitment or I love you's or anything like that.but we have been friends for years.
I got asked out by a man close to where I live and felt weird about going since I was really unsure about the status of our relationship so I just told him that I was feeling weird about turning this other guy down since I doubted he was doing the same. He ended up coming and spending the weekend (just the 2 of us for the first time).
On the last day, he randomly said he didn't hook up with any women, then asked who asked me out, I told him and he sort of grudginly said I could go....at which point I told him I wasn't asking for his permission, I just wanted to be honest. So it ended there and everything was fine.
Then on the way home I told him I had asked him because I knew we were just friends w/ ben. so to speak and he seemed offended by this. What in the name of God is going on?
2007-04-25 06:28:05 · 12 answers · asked by Clarissa 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He said it had been so long since he had been in a relationship he didn't know 'how'. I made sure he knew I wasn't trying to pressure him into one but rather let him know I realized we weren't....I coulddn'thandle going behind his back with this other guy.
He seemed like he didn't know what to do or say...... I try to keep the 'where do we stand' conversations to a minimum but I felt I needed some clarification.
2007-04-25 06:36:55 · update #1
Crap...that's what I was afraid of. I am scared. I really do care for him and could fall for him (If I haven't already) just like that! I just assumed he being a guy was wanting the FWB thing but I guess I offended him by even considering the other date.
I know he doesn't see other people so even though there is no official 'title' to us, if I really want him I need to just hang out, right? We both came off relationships which basically tore our hearts out - over a year ago but it is scary to risk it again.
2007-04-25 06:46:13 · update #2
Try not to force your relationship into a mold made by others. Each relationship is a little different then another and when you try to get your relationship to conform to what you have seen in others, trouble can happen. So, don't try to guage where your relationship stands by looking at other relationships.
You said that there is no commitment or I love you's in your relationship. I see a different story. He said to you that he didn't "hook up with any women". He has decided to not see anyone else. To be with you only. This is definatly a level of commitment.
Also, you must keep in mind that many men are not very verbal with their "I love you's". Instead they prefer to show it through action and commitment. Keep this in mind the next time you see him and look at what he is realy telling you.
When you made the comment about the two of you being just "friends w/ ben.", I can understand him getting upset. It sounds to me that to him your relationship is much more then that. The fact that he was upset about you wanting to go out with another man just reinforces this.
2007-04-25 07:07:17 · answer #1 · answered by BoranJarami 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's an awful sticky situation. If there's no commitment, then it shouldn't be a problem for you to go out with another guy. But it sounds like he really cares about you. Maybe you 2 should re-evaluate the terms of your relationship. If he's not seeing other women, and he was hurt by your comment of just being friends, then maybe he wants it to be more than that. Talk to him about it, find out what's really going on between you guys. If he just wants to be friends then he needs to understand that you're not "exclusive friends", and you're perfectly right to want to date other guys
2007-04-25 06:37:28 · answer #2 · answered by lehua 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you want to be more than friends with that first guy?
If so, you need to put a little more pressure down, IMO. Get him to commit a little more to the relationship.
That part-time stuff drives me nuts.
It sounds to me like this guy is definately interested in more than just being "FWB". Maybe he's hesitant about the next step since he doesn't know how you feel exactly...
2007-04-25 06:40:06 · answer #3 · answered by bluvw 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he thinks it's more, but doesn't want to say it. The two of you should sit down and talk about what type of relationship you have, and what each of you want. If you both want a relationship with each other, then it's time to end the "just friends" thing and get with it! If one is more into it than the other, it needs to end. And if you mutually decide you are only friends, then he has no say in who you date, and vice versa.
2007-04-25 06:33:21 · answer #4 · answered by misguidedrose18 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he wants you to be as committed to the 2 of you as he has been but knows the current status of your relationship does not allow him to have a say of who you go out with. i bet in his head he was screaming at the top of his lungs to not go on the date. but he knew that it was not his place to say as such, so he said to go ahead if you wanted to. the reason why he's upset is that he feels that you don't value your relationship on the same level as he does, and he probably is very hurt about it. guys don't show emotions very well so we usually pout or get mad for no reason. yo should really sit down with him and discuss what the current status of things is between you. it appears that he may be more emotionally invested than you are ready for. if that's so you need to set the boundaries straight to prevent further confusion such as this. hope this helps
2007-04-25 06:35:53 · answer #5 · answered by Bobby L 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i would suggest he is not happy with being "friends with benefits" and sees the relationship as being exclusive (at least on his part) and feel jealous that you would even consider seeing anyone else ---- perhaps it is time to decide what you want from the relationship --- once you have determined that talk to him and share what you both would like --- best wishes
2007-04-25 06:35:11 · answer #6 · answered by Waterdragon 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that you are seeking a "casual relationship" and that both of you are available to date others....no strings attached
This situation is also considered--fwb, or friends with benefits
2007-04-25 06:42:08 · answer #7 · answered by sunbun 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whoa! Think you really blew it with the nice dude - the first one. Really nice guys don't come around a lot, and here you were out looking for "more". Yikes!
2007-04-25 09:45:13 · answer #8 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't ask me. I don't know "how" either. Just go with the guy that is closer. he sounds more interested. Be patient. Give him a break.
2007-04-25 07:41:11 · answer #9 · answered by prouddaddy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who knows what men think. If you have no commitment then see other people.
2007-04-25 06:32:55 · answer #10 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋