I'm booked in for an abortion tomorrow morning and I don't know what to do... I'm 12 weeks pregnant now, I really do not want it done, I want this baby and feel emotionally stable. My boyfriend does not really want a child I don't think but says he will support me anyway. The problem is we could never afford the child, I have already checked benefits available in UK and because my boyfriend works full time earning a small wage we would not be entitled to anything at all. We only just manage to pay the bills now we would definetly not manage with a baby, there are no sacrafices we could make, we do not go out often. I think I have no option but to have this abbortion, it's so unfair as single mum's get lots of benefits but i'd be entitled to nothing. I keep crying as I think of that little life inside me and feel i have no other option. I could never carry the baby to full term and give it up for addoption. I'm 21
2007-04-25 05:41:05 · 37 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
No one here, no matter how well meaning, can give you the advice and support that you need.
Look at the answers above mine, these people don't know you, or your full circumstances.
You need to spend time talking it through with someone
Go to someone you can trust or contact a voluntary agency and talk to someone. Do it now.
Take care of yourself
.
2007-04-25 05:45:58 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 9⤊ 0⤋
First of all abortion is not the answer. You have many options. Things are not always going to be this rough in your life. At some point your bf may get a raise, a new job, you could go to work (if you don't already). Anything can work out if that's what you want. Also, why are you not eligible for benefits? You and your bf are not married, there for you are a single mother. I was in the same situation almost 4 years ago and I got benefits because the father and I were not married. When I filed out info about everything they told me I couldn't include my bf as "family" because we weren't married. I don't know if it's just different in the UK, but check into it again.
Anyway, I'm no longer with my sons father. I am a single mommy of my beautiful, now 3-year-old boy!!! He's the reason I've worked so hard to change my life and go the distance. I wasn't working at all, but I chose to go back to school and make something of myself because he was THAT important to me! Abortion was never an option for me. Now 3 years later, I have an associates degree and I will have a bachelor's in a few months.
I'm just trying to tell you that it's not impossible for you and your bf to take care of this child the two of you created. If nothing else, give the child up for adoption. Then you can atleast rest a sure he/she will be given to a family that wants them! A couple who may not be able to have a child on their own. You can also choose to have limited contact with the adoptees of your baby. Then you can always know what's going on in their life but not have the responsibility of providing for them. You can still give this child a beautiful life.... You are already giving he/she a wonderful chance by just allowing him to LIVE!
You'll make the right decision. Let him live his life. Good Luck
2007-04-25 06:17:01 · answer #2 · answered by Chavahleah 2 · 3⤊ 3⤋
Sweetie, I feel for you. This is a tough call to make, but please make the decision yourself. Maybe you could call the Samaritans to talk things through tonight? They are open 24hrs a day (Not sure of the number, google it?)
If you decide to go ahead with the procedure, do it because it is what you want for your life.
If finances are the only thing stopping you having it, remember that things can be done cheaply. I used to spend a fortune on baby stuff, until I found Ebay, charity shops and freecycle.co.uk . You don't need to spend a fortune on pushchairs etc, again, I got mine on ebay really cheaply and it is fab. I go to charity shops for clothes - I get GAP, Next and even luxury brands for 50p an item! As for working, consider childminding - you get to stay at home with your baby all day, whilst earning money giving them a playmate. You can train for it for free in the evenings during your pregnancy.
I hope I am not ranting at you to choose one option or another. You have to do what is the best thing for your happiness, not your wallet. If it is to have the baby or the abortion, then so be it.
Good Luck. Please let me know how you get along... sending an e-hug to you. x
2007-04-25 09:10:05 · answer #3 · answered by Lily 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you should tell your boyfriend right now that this abortion is off. You have made it clear you want this baby ! You have also made it clear there is only one reason you`re thinking of abortion - and that`s shortage of money. You can`t just say to a baby " we can`t afford you so off you go !"
And let me tell you something - single mothers do not get loads of benefits - they just get their income support and child benefit - that`s it. You`ll get child benefit as well - everyone gets that - even millionaires. So - one step at a time. First off you are keeping this baby. Second - the money you were paying for the abortion with - if you were paying - will buy a pram and maybe some other bits and bats. Babies are only as expensive as you make them. In the charity shops near me you can buy nearly new baby clothes for 20p and 50p each - and i know it`s like that in all of them - so get out there and get rooting ! You say you have no option ----YES YOU DO ! You have the option to have this baby or have an abortion. No-one is taking that option away from you. No-one is dragging you there tomorrow kicking and screaming - are they ? Think about it.
I hope you will let us know what you decide. I will look out for you...........
Good luck and best wishes.x
2007-04-25 08:06:10 · answer #4 · answered by yahoobloo 6 · 1⤊ 3⤋
you placed this 4 days ago and i'm guessing you've gone against what you actually wanted and your no longer pregnant.
i'm sad for you. not because what you did was wrong but because it wasn't what you wanted. i think you are treading a fine line now with possible depression. i went through a similar situation with my first pregnancy. i wanted it badly but my partner didn't. i put him above everything and with the fear of losing him i gave up on my baby. i split with him in the end and it was down to the fact that i could't forgive myself for what i'd done. my child would be 12 now and not one day passes when i don't think about him. i didn't get any counselling for my loss (and it was a loss) and i've never been able to move on from it. get yourself someone to talk to,ask your gp. even if you think your coping please just look after your innerself.
for future ref there is loads of help for you when the times right. working tax credits,child benefit and statatory maternity pay. not a reason to have a baby but trust me there is hope for you when your both ready.
hope your ok and remember your strong and with help you will get past this
2007-04-28 23:01:44 · answer #5 · answered by ema 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
im 20 yrs old and have no kids and this is do to miscariages. i could of never done the abortion thing ever me and my boyfriend are young and when we found out we were pregnant we didnt qualify for benifits either because we both work full time jobs and make more then min wage. im not gonna be like everyone else and tell you what to do but if you are feeling lost and dont know what to do there are a few websites i will list below that you can contact and they can help you make the best desicion possible for you and your baby. if you wanna keep your baby i would although it is wrong to lie you can tell them you two are no longer together and you have no help that will give you benefits yes lying is wrong but you have to do what is right. i honestly dont think that someone would turn a young mother away. you can log on to
www.realsavvymoms.com(they can give you information on how the abortion or adoption could effect you)
www.birthmothersoptions.com (they will help you emotionally make the best decion for you)
http://www.knowledgeisempowering.com/
www.crisispregnancy.com
www.unplannedpregnancybook.com
i hope this helps you and dont allow anyone to make you feel bad you are not being selfish you are trying to do what would be best best of luck i hope this helps
and congrats
i wish you the best anyone can
2007-04-25 06:19:55 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
Oh love, I feel for you.
I think what you need to do is talk to a counsellor before you do it. If you are already having a hard time with the thought now, it may just worsen afterwards. No abortion clinic should go through with it without talking to you in length first.
I can tell you this. At 19 I became pregnant and had my son at 20. I didnt have money and I didnt have support, but we made it. I'll be very honest though and tell you that abortion never crossed my mind ... can also tell you that it has not been easy.
I will also tell you that I'm adopted and that my best friends just adopted a baby boy. Adoption is very tough but at least your baby will have everything he/she needs.
I met my biological mum when I was 19 (just before I became pregnant with my own). Yours could meet you one day too.
Dont say you couldnt give it up, you are a strong girl. You dont know what 6 months from now could bring you.
You do what you feel is best, but please dont pressure yourself so much.
Sending you big hugs.
2007-04-25 06:08:54 · answer #7 · answered by Paramedic Girl 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Look sweetie, I am 100% pro choice but it honestly sounds like you do not want this abortion. Have the baby and see what happens. Could your parents help you out? Look into training for a job that has flexible hours or better yet lets you work from home. There are a lot of options other than abortion and adoption. Good Luck.
2007-04-25 05:49:11 · answer #8 · answered by Cash, Gage and Jax's Mom 4 · 7⤊ 0⤋
Don't have the abortion if you don't want it. You aren't married, doesn't that mean you're single? Anyway you'd be surprised what you can manage. Talk to your family and friends, maybe they can help you get the equipment and clothes you need - that's what a baby shower's for! Look into getting part-time or at-home work. Second-hand baby clothes are often nice because babies grow out of them before they get much wear.
It might be hard, but if you want that baby you should go to any lengths necessary to have it. And, things have a way of working out and getting easier. You've got to believe in yourself.
2007-04-25 05:55:13 · answer #9 · answered by KC 7 · 4⤊ 1⤋
I think you should do it, no matter what all this people here say-think about the baby's life-don't mess it up!
It's all about the baby, what kind of future do you ant for him? The kind where his own father doesnt want him and you wont have a chance to decidate to him anyhow??
Or apply yourself as a sigle mom-people do that all the time, get the benefits!
2007-04-28 20:10:38 · answer #10 · answered by Tina M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have doubts, don't do it. It is a choice that you will regret. Things will work out some how. Please think long and hard about this. You love this baby and that is enough to try and make it. Things will work out some how, just give it a chance. Good luck hunny and I hope everything works the way you want it to, just keep your head high. Maybe you or your boyfriend have family close by that would be happy to help you. Please don't have an abortion because your boyfriend wants you too. Good luck and if you ever need someone to talk to, email me. Best wishes!!
2007-04-25 05:50:07 · answer #11 · answered by kristin h 3 · 3⤊ 2⤋