I am nearly 10 weeks pregnant and due to have an abortion next week after waiting 5 wks on the NHS.v scared...

Question

I was in a relationship with a great guy, we were only together for 3 months and I found out I was pregnant after being carefull!!! and it was after we had decided to end the relationship..

I always thought I would know how I would feel in this situation, my head is telling me that I am not ready for a baby, I am on a very low income and will not be able to support the baby very well... my ex, who has stood by me thoughout the very long and painful process on the NHS waiting list has said that he is really not ready and cannot afford to bring up a child...

However my heart is telling me another thing.... I am due to have an abortion next week, I am very scared of the procedure (surgical) and scared of how I will feel after...

Any advice from those who have been in the same/similar situation would be appreciated xx

Answer 1

I'm really sorry that you are in this situation. I know exactly how you feel. I felt the same way two years ago. I've always had strong opinions regarding abortion and I thought that if I were ever in that situation that I'd have no trouble at all in deciding on what I felt was the right thing to do. I was wrong though. I was 25 and in a committed relationship and ended up pregnant after having sex for the first time even with protection. I was a grad student at the time and had a very limited income. I loved my boyfriend but wasn't sure if we would be together forever. I honestly didn't know what to do. I didn't feel that I was ready to have a baby and I was scared about disappointing my parents and about having the finances to afford a child. I cried for several weeks and then decided that I was going to have an abortion. No one ever knew and when the day came I drove myself. Nothing prepared me for what I'd feel physically and emotionally that day. I was still unsure whether or not I was making the right decision that day. I wanted to run out of that clinc but instead I stayed there frozen and wishing that I were anywhere but there. The procedure does hurt significantly but it's also tolerable. The emotional pain was the worst however. I never thought about how I'd feel afterwards and so I commend you that you have at least thought that far ahead. Nothing could have prepared me for what I'd feel after it was done. I honestly felt like I died that day and it's a feeling that I wouldn't wish on anyone. Everyone deals with abortion differently and it may not affect some like it will affect others. Some people will tell you that you will be okay and others will say that you will regret it. Only you know if it's gonna be something that you will be able to live with afterwards though. It was the wrong choice for me and if I could go back and change what I did I would. It's now been more than two years and I still haven't healed. I will never be the same and I've had a lot of issues of depression over these two years. I am now married to my then boyfriend and it was hard telling him what I'd done but it's even harder to live with it. I also have been unsuccessful for more than a year in being able to get pregnant and so I feel as though it's some sort of punishment for what I did. Logically I know this isn't the case but it's the guilt that makes me feel this way. I have to wonder if that was my only chance at ever having a child and it kills me that I threw it away. I still have days where all I can do is cry and wish that I'd made a different choice. It's hard to see mothers with their babies and not wonder what my own son/daughter would have looked like. I know how hard this all is for you and I wish you the very best. Think about it long and hard and make sure that the choice you make is one that your heart can live with. I don't want you or anyone else to have the same regret that I now live with. Listen to your heart and don't worry about the money or anything else. There is help out there if you decide to keep it and maybe your family will be able to help too. Talking with friends or family might be something to consider so that you have some support but make sure that no one makes the choice for you. If you need someone to talk to then feel free to send me a msg. I truly wish you the best and I will keep you in my prayers.

Answer 2

. The procedure does hurt significantly but it's also tolerable. The emotional pain was the worst however. I never thought about how I'd feel afterwards and so I commend you that you have at least thought that far ahead. Nothing could have prepared me for what I'd feel after it was done. I honestly felt like I died that day and it's a feeling that I wouldn't wish on anyone. Everyone deals with abortion differently and it may not affect some like it will affect others. Some people will tell you that you will be okay and others will say that you will regret it. Only you know if it's gonna be something that you will be able to live with afterwards though. It was the wrong choice for me and if I could go back and change what I did I would. It's now been more than two years and I still haven't healed. I will never be the same and I've had a lot of issues of depression over these two years. I am now married to my then boyfriend and it was hard telling him what I'd done but it's even harder to live with it. I also have been unsuccessful for more than a year in being able to get pregnant and so I feel as though it's some sort of punishment for what I did. Logically I know this isn't the case but it's the guilt that makes me feel this way. I have to wonder if that was m

Answer 3

This Site Might Help You.

RE:
I am nearly 10 weeks pregnant and due to have an abortion next week after waiting 5 wks on the NHS.v scared...
I was in a relationship with a great guy, we were only together for 3 months and I found out I was pregnant after being carefull!!! and it was after we had decided to end the relationship..

I always thought I would know how I would feel in this situation, my head is telling me that I am not...

Answer 4

This has to be your decision, not your ex's. There are alot of people out there who have been in your position and kept the baby and looked back and wondered what they were worried about. I beg you to follow your heart. The NHS kept you waitiong 5 weeks and if i were u i would take that as a sign that you should keep the baby. Dont let your ex say he cannot afford to pay for it and he isn't ready, that is just him trying to twist your arm. Even if that baby never sees him or gets a penny from him, it will still have a mummy that loves it and what more can it need? Material things dont matter, all a child needs is love.
I know you are scared of the procedure itself, and that is understandable. As for how you will feel afterwards, well that depends on what sort of person you are. But from what you have told us, i feel you are a guenuine and kind hearted person who just needs someone to show her how she can afford to keep this baby. You have been blessed with this child, please dont have the abortion if you are not 500% sure it is in the best interest of the child. If you feel you cannot love this child, then maybe you could consider adoption instead, but is abortion really the only option? I wish you the best of luck mate, I hope you find the strength from somewhere to keep the baby! xxx

Answer 5

Abortion At 10 Weeks

Answer 6

If you're not sure, then most likely it's not the route you should take. I've never had an abortion and never would with the exception of if my life was in danger if I continued the pregnancy. I do know others though who have had abortions. A friend of mine had one done that she felt forced to do because her boyfriend at the time didn't want kids. Instead of seeking help to get away from him as he tried to force a miscarriage by throwing her down some stairs and other things, she allowed him to take her to the clinic. She has regretted this decision ever since. She is pregnant now and keeping this baby, but she still thinks of the one she could have had. It depresses her greatly. As for drinking before finding out you're pregnant - don't beat yourself up over it. Exactly one week before I found out I was pregnant this time, I was out drinking. I got so mad at myself for it, but like what I was told, I'll tell you. You didn't know you were pregnant, there's nothing you can do about it. The chances are in your favor if you keep this baby that there will be no side effects from your drinking - as long as you haven't drank since you got the positive result.

Answer 7

I have never been in this situation but a very good friend of mine was. She had the procedure done and said it was very painful but the physical pain was nothing like the emotional pain she has experienced. It has been nearly a year since she had the abortion and she is still emotionally torn over the whole thing. She cries about it from time to time and cannot get over the reality that she killed her unborn baby. Another girl I work with had an abortion 15 years ago because she was very young. Although she is married and has 3 other children her abortion still affects her and she becomes saddened by it. All I can say is based on the things my friends have gone through, if your heart is telling you not to go through with it then don't. There are alot of other options out there...like adoption where you can still have your baby but know that you are giving it a better life than you are able to offer it at this time. Perhaps God is also speaking to you at this time because he has given you this baby and he does not make mistakes. Carefully consider your options and keep your mind open. Don't disregard what your heart is telling you. I wish you the best.

Answer 8

If this is tugging at your heart this much, it probably means this is the wrong decision for you.

Out of a group of about a dozen girlfriends, I am one of only 2 of us who did not have an abortion back in the late 80's and early 90's. I never would have considered it at all, and the other girl gave her baby up in an open adoption where she still has contact with him. The rest of them have all stated on more than one occasion, years later, that it was the biggest mistake they ever made. There is a lot more I could get into, but I'm sure you get the idea.

Despite what it sounds like, I don't want to influence your decision, but just to let you know how some others who have been through it feel about it.

You could probably benefit from talking to a counselor of some sort if you can find one fast enough. Good luck, and I hope whatever decision you make is the right one for you.

Answer 9

Oh Lola, I feel for you. Firstly, try not to take to heart the negative comments that have been posted.

Secondly, is there a professional that you could talk to about these feelings? Has the NHS offered you any pre counselling? Have you tried talking to the father about these feelings? Try and not feel pressured into going through with the procedure you can change your mind if YOU want to.

Thirdly, all a baby / child needs is love so don't get hung up on how much money you have. Don't forget people on low earnings get more benefits from the government. However, if you are not ready to be a parent then you are doing the right thing.

Good luck and don't forget - talk to someone rather then letting these feelings run around in your mind.

LOL xXx

Answer 10

sweetheart - ignore all the freaks and the god bashers and pro lifers and small minded idiots!! if you choose to post a question of this nature on here you will get the ones who want to make you feel like a murderer!! your not!

I had an abortion at 20 years old - it was surgical - I was very very nervous, got the the clinic, couldn't eat anything because of the anasthetic, I waiting until probably early afternoon when they called my name and a few other girls, we went through into a bed area - got changed into our night gowns and one by one, literally every 15 mins or so we were wheeled into the operating theatre - the last thing I remember was a kind nurse putting the anasthetic in my arm and me counting - the next thing I was awake in a recovery room with a couple of other girls, they let me stay there a while, gave me a water, helped me off the bed into a wheelchair and took me back to the room with beds where they drew the curtains, gave me tea and toast - made me wait til I had a wee then let me go. It was not the greatest experience of my life and of course I didn't expect it would be - but it wasn't the worst - once it was over with I got on with my life. I am now 7 years on happily able to inform you that I am 25 weeks pregnant and looking forward to having my baby boy in August. now the time is right its a wonderful thing to have happen, 7 years ago I couldn't have thought of anything worse!!

if you have any doubt in your mind whatsoever then don't have an abortion - I went into mine with my eyes wide open and knew exactly what I was doing and why - I have been fortunate enough to never feel guilty - I have only ever been curious as to what could have been, if you decide to have the abortion its not wrong, you shouldn't be scared and good luck, if you choose to keep it then there are plenty of people that will be there for you and help you. but its your personal choice, don't let anyone make you feel bad.

Good luck

xxx