We have been trying for a baby for 4 years now. 2 years ago we had an ectopic pregnancy and went on the list for IVF.We were due to start IVF on 3rd May when I found out last week that I was 5 weeks pregnant but miscarrying. Been very upset about it all. Anyway, I have one friend who hasn't even mentioned anything to me - no 'sorry' or 'how are you'? I know she knows as my partner told her partner. So should I bring it up? I was very hurt when she contacted me just to ask if I was still going to the gym?! I don't know if my hormones are making me irrational so I don't want to give her a piece of my mind only to regret it in a few weeks but right now I hate her for her lack of support. What would you do???
2007-04-25 04:13:02 · 12 answers · asked by Em 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Trying to Conceive
I would be hurt and angry if I was in your situation and would probably want to give her a piece or 2 of my mind; however you have enough to deal with right now so concentrate on your own feelings. Then again maybe she doesn't know what to say..some people don't.
2007-04-25 04:19:03 · answer #1 · answered by Jay 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she really did know (partners do forget to impart important information, especially if they happen to be male...or underplaying it by saying..."oh, yeah, she's fine).
I think you should bring it up and tell her you felt hurt, that you are really grieving (and have hormones). Tell her that mentioning the gym seemed callous...but it may have been her awkward way of trying to get you to open up. However, you closed up because you have been deeply saddened and words can carry a lot of extra weight. I'd call her and just be straight up about how you feel. Give her a chance to talk. If she truly doesn't show any understanding, put her on the back burner, and tell her why you are doing it, while you go through this whole IVF process...
You need to be stress-free for that. Good luck.
2007-04-25 11:22:41 · answer #2 · answered by grapeshenry 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When I was mourning a m/c my "best" friend who is pregnant had the nerve to email me that for a few hours she wasn't feeling her baby move, but she drank some orange juice, and now she feels him move all the time. She went on and on about how releived she was so feel him, on and on. She said her doctor said he's a big healthy baby, and on and on. This was within 3 days of my d&c. I don't want to take away from her happiness, but was that really the time to go on and on about how happy you are to feel your baby? I just had my womb emptied!!!! She also said the stupid crap of "it was sick" (I don't care it was my baby!), "at least it was early" (so what? IT DIED!!!). I just ignored the email, and when I talked to her next I mentioned how people say the most stupid things when you have a m/c, and I included in my rant a few of the things she had said so she would catch on. I am glad I didn't really confront her totally because afterall, if you haven't gone through this, how can you really understand how painful it is??? Before I had a m/c I had no idea it would be so devastating, so I guess I can't expect someone else to know. I think you should just bring it up in a round about way that people don't know what to say to you or how to say it, so some people act liek it didn't happen, and that bother's you just as bad. Don't say her, just say "some people" and maybe she'll get the point.
2007-04-25 12:03:48 · answer #3 · answered by In Luv w/ 2 B, 1 G + 1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am soo Sorry about your loss. I know exactly how you feel. I was 11w3d (found out at 12w) when I found out my baby had died. We were so devastated as you are. I called to tell my family we had lost the baby and they were like ok I'm sorry. Well I had to have a D&C 2days later and none of my family has ever called to check on me since. (5weeks today) They used ti call everyday. I think this hurt more than the m/c in a sense. My dr. said sometimes people don't know what to say so they act like it never happened. Just tell her it hurt your feelings that she has not asked you about yourself.
I wish you the best of luck and will be praying for you.
2007-04-25 11:27:53 · answer #4 · answered by love life even when it sucks!!! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call her and tell her how you feel. It's possible that she isn't sure what to say and is afraid that she'll upset you. Some people don't know how to handle grief. I've had two miscarriages and I've gotten all types of reactions. I absolutely hated the look of pity in people's eyes, which I'm sure was an overreaction on my part. She's not going to know how you are feeling unless you tell her. Give her the chance to fix it. I'm terribly sorry for your loss. Even though you never got to hold your baby, you loved him or her. I wish you good luck and I will pray for you.
2007-04-25 11:20:54 · answer #5 · answered by Jenn 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know how your feeling, I had my baby at 22 weeks and she didn't make it. I have friends that go on like nothing happened. I know it's because some of them don't know what to say or don't want to say things to upset me. I think your friend doesn't know to say and she doesn't want to upset you. If you want to talk to her about it, I would bring it up to her. Maybe she ask you to go to the gym so that you would feel normal again. After I lost my baby I just wanted to be normal again and for people to treat me the same. Hang in there.
2007-04-25 20:17:21 · answer #6 · answered by dcarroll28 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry about your loss. I'm sure its painful and not having someone to support you is worse, but have you thought about maybe her partner not even telling her. Men sometimes don't tell other men things that are going on. He might know but that doesn't mean he told her anything. Why don't you bring it up? You could say, "I'm not feeling very well after having this miscarriage" and see what she says.
2007-04-25 11:53:55 · answer #7 · answered by Jess 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men don't talk like us women do. So even if your partner told her partner it doesn't mean she got told. If you need her there for you why not call and ask if you can talk with her. Maybe she doesn't know what to say to you. Maybe she figures you don't want anyone to know since you didn't tell her. Give her the benefit of the doubt and reach out to her. Good luck
2007-04-25 11:20:11 · answer #8 · answered by Mrs. Always Right 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think in situations like this sometimes it can be hard to know the right thing to say to someone who is hurting...her invitation to the gym is probably her way of being there for you. She probably assumes that when you're ready you're going to talk to her about it. Why not go to her and tell her you need her support and friendship. I guarantee she'll be there for you.
2007-04-25 11:46:02 · answer #9 · answered by juda75 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
eck thats harsh, im sorry that happend, me and my bff got pregnant the same time back in jan of this year, but my turned out not so well, also had and ectopic preg. she doesnt talk to me about her baby because she thinks i will become even more upset, even tho it doenst matter, but she did aleast asked me how i felt and was there for me, we are currenty trying and wishing, i think maybe u sould talk to her about it and see if thats the same reason why shes not tlaking to you about it, maybe she thinks you will get really upset, best of luck 2 u
2007-04-25 11:22:23 · answer #10 · answered by Star*famous 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋