He's going away for the weekend?

Question

My fiance and his two (single) friends are going to florida this weekend for a big birthday bash of one of their friends. I know they'll drink like slobs and there will be drugs and women everywhere. And he asked me if it was okay for him to go, and I said yes, but I really don't want him to go. I mean he's 40 for God sakes, he should have had all this out of his system by now. I really don't want him to go but if I tell him that I'm sure he'll be 1. disappointed and 2. I'll look like an old hag. Damn, I know I'm being silly but I don't want him to go! Tell me something that will make me feel better about this!

Guys it's not that I think he'll cheat, I really don't think he will. I just don't understand why he has to go all the way to florida to party and I just don't want him to go. And HE doesn't do drugs (may smoke a little pot), I just threw that sentence in there for affect. He's really a good guy but I just don't think he needs to go and act as if he's still single when he's not.

HE JUST TEXTED ME AND ASKED IF I WANTED TO GO! I DON'T, BUT I'M GLAD HE ASKED!

Answer 1

If you weren't alright with it you should have said so up front.
If you have so little faith in his fidelity there are bigger issues that need to be addressed than him going to Florida for a weekend.

Answer 2

Well, I mean, If he's the cheating type he will do it anyways. So if he's been good and you trust him, you should not be worried. However, you seem to be worried and I wonder why. I dont think there is anything wrong with voicing your concern to him and tell him exactly what you said here. You cannot tell him not to go because he is a grown man, but definately tell him how you feel because if not you will just freak out the whole time he is gone and resentment will grow for no reason, you know? And it's perfetly normal that you dont want him to go, just ask him to reverse the situation ans see how he would like it if you were out with girfrinds, men, alchohol, vacation, party, etc...

Answer 3

You aren't being silly if you know you can't trust him. He may be 40 but that doesn't make him a "man". Some men will always behave like teenagers in certain situations. Ask him how he would feel if the shoe was on the other foot. I'm sure he cares about you and it would bother him to know that you are upset & worried, so just tell him the truth, but do it in the right way, or he may become defensive. Good luck.

Answer 4

if you're adding words for "effect" then i think that you need to stop being a drama queen. if u trust him and you think he won't cheat then keep thinking positively. maybe he's going down there to party as a bit of a vacation. everyone needs one of those with their friends no matter the age or the status of the relationship. give him the weekend and tell him that since he's going to be gone partying that you might do the same. have a great night out with your girls...have fun and loosen up with them, you'll feel much better being out than being cooped up in a house at 10 o'clock on a saturday night knowing that he's out having a good time and you're home. if he has a problem with you going out too then let him know that you're both having some trust issues, resolve them before he goes though b/c you don't want him (or even yourself) to commit any mistakes. also think about setting some rules...like if you dont do *fill in the blank* then i won't do it either type of thing. if you don't let him go then he might be pushed away and you obviously dont want that. let him go, make sure that you ok yourself before he does, realize that there is a reason for him to be with you and that he's not with anyone else. you've got something he likes, something that he wants, remember that!

Answer 5

Well I am in Florida and it all depends on where he is going. But honey....you have to have trust. think about this..a man does not have to cheat or get drunk or do whatever by going away on some trip with his buddies..he can do all things right at home. I know you are worried, I would be too. but before he goes just sit down and talk to him....I am sure he loves you...at least he asked how you felt about it. trust me..everything is going to be okay. You say he is 40'ish...that doesn't mean his life is over...neither is yours. Take this time to get togther with the girls and have some fun. Having fun, doesn't have to mean cheating. I am sure he won't.....don't let it stress you....like I mentioned before..just talk to him, without nagging him, because you don't want him going after throwing a fit about it, then he will have a different frame of mind.

Answer 6

He doesn't have to ask for your persmission. He's a grown man and at 40, he doesn't need another mother, he already has one and you are his girlfriend.

He is your fiance and you will have to trust him. Instead of oposingm give him your blessing and tell him to have fun. If he can resist the temptions of Florida, then he is ready to marry yo and live happily ever after. Let him get it out of his system now and test your faith in him. Marriage is about trust and I'm sure he is looking for a reaction from you. Score cool girlfriend points by not making a big issue out of it.

Listen, my very handsome bf went to last Vegas for a bachelor party last year. I pretended that it didn't bother me and as a matter of fact, told him to have FUN and that I hope that he had a blast and get to see /do everything exciting in Vegas. He was puzzled by my excitement and by my reaction of me being so happy for him to go gamble/drink and lord knows what else in Vegas and was anticipating oposition of my part, and he was so surprised that I wanted hiom to GO SO BAD! The result: He didn;t go anywhere with the guys, skip the strip joints and call me from everywhere and all teh time telling me that he missed me and wish I was there with him. As a matter of fact, he cut his trip short and came home early. When he called I dodn;t soind desperate or needy, au contraire my friend! I was gambling with my friends in Chicago and having a great time having fun on my own. I guess he felt kind of jealous hahahahhaha

Good luck. Trust him and have fun on your own and don;t stay at home babysitting the phone crying the blues. Plan a trip for yourself, visit a friend that you haven't seen in a a while.

Best wishes

Answer 7

You are forgetting the part where he gets mad at you for trying to control him and limit his access to his friends. I had a similar fight with my fiance. I told him the choice was his, but that I wished he wouldn't go....and he got really mad at me. Simply, you have a right to your opinion and he has a right to his. I agree that a 40 yr old should have all that out of his system, but some don't. They might simply be trying to relive their youth or have some fun....it boils down to whether you trust him or not around these other women with drugs and alcohol in play. Have you talked to him about using drugs or drinking heavily at this party? Why weren't you invited if you are his fiance and other women are invited? IT seems like it is a little late for a major talk about this, but I would give it a shot anyway...it appears that more than a simple "Yes I think its okay for you to go" or a "please don't go" is needed.

Answer 8

My husband's 45, he goes away on football weekends with his buddies to cheer on our college alma mater. Drives all over the country in his little red Porsche (his 40th b'day present). I can tell you that in my hubby's case, it's something he enjoys doing, and it makes him happy. And when he's happy, we're all happy in this house. So know that he'll have fun with his friends.

Just because your engaged to be married doesn't mean you cut off all contact with your other friends as well. You need those other people in your life, your husband will not be EVERYTHING to you. You will need your girlfriends, and he will need his guy friends. I used to think that since we were married, we shouldn't want to do things apart from each other, and having been married for 19 years, I've learned it's actually healthier for the relationship if you do some things apart. If you're not worried about him cheating on you (and you shouldn't be or you shouldn't be getting married), then send him off with a kiss and a smile. Then go do something fun for yourself this weekend, spend time with some girlfriends, watch the chick flick movies that he hates, get out your craft stuff that he hates seeing all over the house, etc.

p.s. if it matters, he'll probably be ready for some "fun" when he gets home. ;-)

Answer 9

Pretty much all you can do in this situation is trust him and hope he doesn't do anything stupid. Maybe go talk to him and say "I don't really like the idea of you going off on this weekend and doing God knows what, but I trust you. I know you wouldn't do anything that you can't tell me about when you get back, so go, and have fun."

Offer to pack his bags for him, and put a little note in each shirt you pack, telling him how much you're missing him and how wonderful it will be when he gets back (or even what you plan to do when he gets back). Slip a little candy in his socks and spritz your perfume lightly on his pjs (lightly, you don't want to give him a headache while he tries to sleep). That way, he'll be constantly reminded of you during the trip, and you're letting him know that you're thinking of him, too.

Answer 10

surely you can trust him, or you wouldnt be marrying him. He's just going for a laugh with his friends, don't deny him that. If you're really worried about him doing drugs and/or cheating, then maybe he's not the man for you. Talk about your concerns with him - I'm sure he'll tell you there's nothing to worry about

edit since you added details - just because he's with you, that doesnt mean he cant enjoy a weekend away with his friends! it's healthy to have outside interests and go out with friends, why on earth shouldnt he go to florida and enjoy himself! you're not glued together, give the man some space

Answer 11

If you're going to marry him, you should trust him. So, consider this a test. It would be better to find out now then later. If you can't trust him- why continue. And fidelity is obviously an issue. Do you think you'll be able to stand over him your entire marriage. Dont cut out his friends. He needs a life as well- it might sound romatic if 'you were his world' and you might be, but think about the poor guy. I assume his friend is also turning 40. Its a big milestone. Why dont you come along aswell?>