Seperate vacations in the first year of marriage?

Question

My husband is very edgy with my daughters, 13 & 16. They can ask something as simple as, "when will dinner be ready", and he jumps down their throat, "It'll be ready when it's ready!" He's this way with me too, but I'm used to men being tacky that way. I don't take up for the girls, but he expects me to get onto them, even if I don't agree with him. There are a lot of times, when no one is being hormonal, that they all get along. The last short trip we took was very pleasant even though he expected to be miserable. He always seems to expects the worst. We will have been married one year June 3rd. The second week of June, we're scheduled to go to Branson, which is where we honeymooned, to his condo for a week. He's decided that he's not going, but insists that I have to take the girls because we promised them. I feel that seperate vacations mean the beginning of the end of the marriage. I would feel guilty to go without him. I'm also scared to travel alone. What should I do?

Answer 1

Take your girls on that vacation. When you get home it's time for you and hubby to talk!
He really needs some help. He may not realize it but his negativity and irritability are signs of depression.
Your girls are always going to resent him if they feel like they have to walk around on egg shells until they move out, which will be as soon as they possibly can by the way!
The strain on you must be awful too. Always having to judge his mood and wonder what's going to set him off. Ugh!
I know because I have two teen daughters and my new hubby was just the same. He's on anti depressants now and is better but the damage with the girls is done. My oldest moved out and the younger one is going as soon as she graduates. They never have big fights, it was just the constant picking and negativity.
I love my husband very much and now he's a great guy and it makes me sad that my girls don't like him.
Get some help now before it's too late.

Answer 2

No offense, but this guy sucks!!!!! You have kids and he doesn't seem to have any respect for that. WOW! I am so sorry you are with him. I don't think it looks good for any of you. He doesn't sound like he was ready to be a daddy figure for your teenagers. It is always hard to have step-kids, or a step-parent I speak from experience. My step- dad was a real peach, he always jumped down my back for the littlest things. Now I find myself being like him and I hate it, I know when I say or do something that he did to me and I can't seem to change it! Your kids have an advantage I was 5 when my mom married my step-dad. You kids are so much less impressionable. No, I don't think it is okay for you to have THIS separate vacation. Where is he going to be!! I don't think I would let him go anywhere! He is telling you to go with your kids........YEAH, WHAT IS HE GOING TO DO!! I think you need to move your self out of that house and tell him when he is ready to be a husband and parent to give you a call!!

Answer 3

first of all, you should be able to make those decisions on your own. your daughters will understand if you dont go. if this is your first year of marriage you should stay and do something else for a vacation. maybe you should have a talk with him. you seem like a very caring person, but it seems like you let him walk all over you. you both have only been married for a year and things should be a little better than this. he should want to be with you on vacation, instead of telling you to go by yourself. get some confidence and tell him whats on your mind. if he truly loves you than he will open himself to you and listen to what you have to say.

Answer 4

Your husband has some serious issues and needs prof help. I would never let anyone treat my children like that and especially when they haven't done anything wrong. You're teaching your daughters that it's okay for a man to be a jerk and etc.....Your daughters are being emotionally/mentally abused and by far that's the worst to overcome.
I would suggest give your husband a choice...counseling or divorce.

Answer 5

Whoa...... Very edgy. He`s a very negative person. Him not wanting to go to HIS condo around your first anniversary speaks 1000 words! This marriage doesn`t sound like it`s working, and he`s using your daughters to get your attention even if it`s negative attention. I think I`d be making some changes for all your sakes.

Answer 6

First of all, do NOT allow your husband to talk to your children that way. It is out of line.
Second, He is not their father and they are already teenagers. He cannot be an authority figure. He is their Mother's Husband...not their parent.
I think you should take the girls on the vacation and have a real heart to heart about the living situation. Then upon your return...go to marriage counseling.
He is indirectly making you choose him or your daughters...and it looks to me, that you are choosing him.

Answer 7

You are right to be concerned. Separate vacations is a RED flag. I knew the moment I went on vacation without my husband that my marriage was over. You guys need to talk, it's way too soon for this to happen.

Answer 8

first of all u won't be travelling alone...u will have your two wonerful daughters with u...and the 16 year old is almost an adult and can offer assistance with driving....he may be having some difficulty adjusting to YOUR baggage (2 daughters) give him some time...and very soon one will be leaving the nest anyway

Answer 9

I'm assuming that these children aren't his by the way he's acting...he may not be filling the whole "step dad" thing...but that's his fault if he got himself in something he didn't want. He shouldn't make you'll suffer because he doesn't want that responsibility.

I feel so sorry for your daughters...especially if this isn't their dad.
*Shaking head*

Answer 10

He needs to work on being a family man, why did he marry you if he refuses to do this. If he won't go then you should refuse to go too. Go to marriage counseling instead.