My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years. He is the person I have always seen myself with. He is kind to my family, wants to come to my familyevents like younger siblings soccer games etc, is there for me if I need to talk. He always pays and is a true gentleman. We have had our ups and downs, but there is only one "problem" we have. About a year into our dating, I caught him looking at porn. We talked about it and he said he wouldnt look cause it made me feel upset. About 6 months after that, I found out again he was looking and he said he didnt really think I was serious when I said it last time. A month ago, I caught him looking again. He swore he would stop on his life and his family's life and our relationship. I found out this past week he had ordered a porn package deal online. I dont even care so much about the porn anymore, but his constant lies when I ask if hes looking or whatever. He has lied to my face about this, can I ever trust him?
2007-04-25 02:39:47 · 8 answers · asked by HlpMePlz 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I told him I didnt care anymore, but he just denied that he ever ordered it ( so I guess someone broke into his email, stole is password, ordered it with his credit card..etc..please) then he threatened to break up with me since he said he would "stop" and he said i "have to trust him"...although i have in the past
2007-04-25 03:10:24 · update #1
It's porn - it's not like he's going down to the courner to pick up a hooker. He is your b/f right? Maybe someday your husband you know this about him you will either accept it or you won't. You could be supportive or leave him. It's porn it is everywhere and if you don't like this about him now you probably won't later. Do you think the next guy you date won't look at porn b/c you tell him not to - you do not own this man! Nor will you own anyother one. you either relate to thme accept them as they are with their flaws or you make things complicated b/c you want things your way.. He lies to your face b/c you have given him no other options, I'm sure he loves you but he already knows you don't like it but he does, are you in this relationship together or by yourself!? You should communicate without emotions, be truthful with one another, this also means you have to give a little so that he is able to communicate with you right now he can't you see no other way and it's your way or the high way what else do you want him to do?! Just b/c you two are together doesn't mean he has to stop living his life as he knows it and do exactly what you say, you are living in a fantisy world and if you don't have an open mind and let him be him where will you be?... Can you truely love him unconditionally without limiting him? You are making it impossible for him to be your friend...
2007-04-25 03:17:56 · answer #1 · answered by sophia_of_light 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pornography is becoming an addiction. I have a friend who is going through a divorce over this. Her husband is addicted to porn and has been for a long, long time, but has kept it hid from her. It just started getting bad between them a couple years ago. She noticed that he didn't want sex and become very distant with her. To make a long story short she did some investigating and found his stash of porn magazines and videos. It even got so bad that he told her that he wasn't attracted to her AT ALL anymore and that they had nothing together. She has yet to hear or find out that he cheated, but to me he was cheating the whole time if he was getting thrills from porn!!
Your boyfriend has already lied SEVERAL times about this. He is tarnishing your trust for him and satisfying his sexual hunger with means other than "you". To me that is being unfaithful....period. The fact that he continues doing it behind your back and lieing about it makes it even more demeaning. It shows that he has little respect for your feelings.
This is just the beginning of a very sad life for you if you continue with this man. Believe me........it only gets worse after you marry. Contrary to the belief of those who have never been married, marriage is a commitment between to people that says for better or for worse, which unfortunately gives the impression that "we can be are TRUE, UNLOVINGING, SELFISH selves and not have to worry that our partner will walk". His true colors are already starting to peak though and you aren't even engaged.
The bottom line is............this is your sign!!!!!!!!! Heed the warning. Your BF may be great in some aspects, but the real him is starting to show. Believe me.... he will not always go to family events and pay for everything. Once you are married the two of you will be paying TOGETHER and family events won't seem that important to him anymore.....and his addiction to porn will still be there along with your distrust and resentment.
No one should have to tolerate a liar. If he's lieing about this what else has he lied about? Just think about YOUR future and happiness. I see a red flag.
Hope this helps.
2007-04-25 10:30:22 · answer #2 · answered by Gretta 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men and some women will look at porn, I'm not into it but do know a few people who and they tell me it doesn;t hurt anything. My ex did also, bothered me a lot, but I did deal with it, but now the lying would have me more concerned than the porn. If he only looked at porn and was the guy you said he was I would not let that have bothered me as long as it didn;t take away from your time with him, but now the lying in inexcusable. I learned with my ex once he started lying and at first it was the smallest thing, he kept lying about anything and everything. When I would confront him with proof he would go off and try to turn it back on me. Trust is something you earn in a relationship and believe me when I lost that with him I could not believe anything he said which didn't make it good trying to work through our marriage. Maybe the two of you could set and talk about why he feels he has to lie about porn and if you listen carefully he may even give you some insight into why he lies about these petty things. My ex I learnt started at a early age lying to his Mother and then to the women he was with. He told me it was easier to lie, then face them bitching him out. No excuse, but to him it made it right.
2007-04-25 12:56:46 · answer #3 · answered by Krinta 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Porn is an addiction. He may want to quit but is unable to. If he is willing to seek counsel on this, it would be good. Porn leads to other things, like swapping mates and other things that are not good. He has a really bad problem and you should be concerned about the porn for it can ruin your life.
2007-04-25 10:09:21 · answer #4 · answered by Colleen B 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, what's a recurring problem now with him will continue to be there. He obviously didn't respect you enough and continued with what he just wanted to do. And you should care about the porn issue, it's disrespectful to you and to all women. That shows a lot about his lack of character.
Sorry.
2007-04-25 10:01:54 · answer #5 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Explain to him that it's not the porn that is bothering you, it's that he feels he needs to lie about it.
He's probably lying about it to keep from getting you upset and maybe he's a little embarrassed that he's watching it.
2007-04-25 10:09:38 · answer #6 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sorry to say but men are only human and they ARE GONNA LOOK AT PORN. Please don't let this upset you...unless he is having sex outside of your relationship..then all this does is make him want you more...use this to your advantage...try looking at porn with him...get involved with him...he sounds like a great guy---don't let something this insignificant ruin your wonderful relationship...good men are hard to find...
good luck
2007-04-25 10:02:50 · answer #7 · answered by sunbun 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
maybe u should let him know u dont care that he watches porn but he needs not to lie to u about it
2007-04-25 10:05:32 · answer #8 · answered by ray l 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋