What's the deal with women that allow themselves to be beaten?

Question

Allow me to elaborate. Having been in 3 past abusive relationships (both mentally and physically) myself, I am no stranger to what and how women feel when they are being abused. But what is the issue with getting away? Why can't these women leave these men? Because they "love" their men? No one that beats you loves you. Now, I am not speaking to those women that like to be beaten (and there are some out there), only the ones that don't and are, or were, being beaten.

Do these women actually feel that they can change their men? Do they really think that these men love them? I understand that beating is a disease, and there are classes for such. What I don't understand is how these women are afraid to leave and be on their own.

I spent 2 years in Boston, MA and while up there, EVERY woman I knew (and I am not exagerating) was being beaten by her significant other. What is the deal? Can someone out there give me some answers?

I am not in an abusive relationship now. I got away. I have been in a 7 year healthy relationship that has, so far, produced a beautiful son (my first child) and an engagement. No abuse.

Women "allow" the abuse to continue. It is their choice to leave or stay - no matter how afraid they are. It is still their choice.

Shorte71 - Can you read?

Tmarie99: Obviously you cannot see the forest for the trees. It has nothing to do with your statement. I just can't believe women are that soft (an after reading your answer I can see why they can be). We are considered the backbone of the household, how can we be ? Why don't women stand up for themselves?

Auditor: This is the reason I don't know the answer to the question. I did get away and never looked back. Have not been there in 7 years.

Answer 1

You were in 3 past abusive relationships. Some would ask why you attract men who are abusive. And I'm not being a smart a** by saying that. Women who stay in abusive relationships have no self esteem. They don't know that it's OK to stand up for themselves. They may have come from an abusive upbringing and don't know anything else.

The abusive man threatens to kill them if they leave so out of fear they stay. Often they stay because they're afraid of losing their kids. In many cases, these women don't feel like they have anywhere they can go that they won't be found. There are shelters for abused women but there is always the fear they will be found.

I like that you're asking the question. We all have to become more aware of this epidemic and do what we can to help women understand they have alternatives. Hopefully people seeing your question will start asking what we can all do to help these women. Thank you for asking.

Answer 2

What I don't understand, is if you were beaten, why you don't already know the answer to the question.
From a guys point of view, a semi-professional of the heart, at least as a First Sergeant in the military, I constantly dealt with personnel and their family matters.
Women who stay in abusive relationships, do so for three reasons. First they think that for some reason, their actions, "drove" the person to beat them. Secondly, they believe that if they stay with the abuser, they will somehow be able to change them or mold them into the person that they want, and third, they are afraid of change, because the grass is not always greener on the other side. If they loose this relationship, the next one, if there is one, may be worse.

Answer 3

It's known as brain manipulate and your pal has definitely misplaced herself and who she is. Maybe she had a nasty formative years and she or he has no self valued at. It's textbook...the abused regularly grow to be hooked up to their abusers. It's come to the factor wherein she absolutely feels that she has no different choices and can not think a existence with out this man. The concentration she will get, even though its no longer well concentration, is concentration nevertheless. There's a wide variety of internet sites and matters you'll be able to learn approximately this variety of factor. Don't be so speedy to lose your empathy. What would possibly appear absurd and ridiculous to you is best so in view that you do not realize it. Gain knowledge after which come to a decision whether or not or no longer it is healthful so that you can maintain being peers with this lady. Good good fortune.

Answer 4

I was in a very verbally and emotionally abusive relationship in college that was just beginning to turn physical when I finally got out. I can definately say that I didn't stay because I loved the guy, because I couldn't stand him. However, in talking to friends who have been in similar relationships, we have all noticed a pattern. Abusive men prey on women with low self-esteem because they are easier to control. When I met this guy, I was going through a very bad depression and thus suffering from a severe lack of confidence. The guy I dated made a point of isolating me from all of my friends and family. Then, through constant verbal and emotional abuse and bullying, he put me in a position where I felt like I was completely trapped. Dude kept constant tabs on EVERYTHING I did and critisized everything I did/said/thought, etc. Around the time things turned physical, other things began to change for the positive in my life and I began to get my sense of self back. I broke things off by calmly threatening to kill him. And I was dead serious. Then he stalked me for a year and a half.

Women in abusive relationships are afraid to leave because they have been put in a situation of total isolation and dependence by their abusers. And abuse doesn't always start with the physical. All self-esteem and any sense of independence gets worn away first. By the time the beating starts, there's just nothing left to fight back with.

And I lived in Boston and on the Cape on and off growing up. Yes, everybody beats their wife up their. Remember, Boston has a hardcore old-school Irish Catholic community that is very tradition-minded, so it could just be a cultural thing. Also, Massachusettes is the original alcoholic state (even moreso than New Jersey because it's colder).

Answer 5

You cannot make it work with any of these idiots. You have to get the hell away from them. You can't possible love someone that is beating you and he certainly doesn't love you!

Your obviously pretty desperate and very insecure if you could be with different guys that are disrespecting you like that, physically, mentally and emotionally. Get it together. Stop it right now and move on with your life. I hope there are no children involved, because if that's the way they're growing up, that's child abuse.

Answer 6

my sister was bashed by her husband for 14 years, before she finally left him he even bashed while she was 7 months pregnant with their first child, the baby had a stroke and was born that day and was VERY small!!!

she told me a few reasons why she stayed was
she love him and thought he would change!!

she was scared he would be forever trying to get the kids off her and thought, if they had to visit him, while she wasn't around he might bash the kids because she wasn't there anymore to bash (he bashed the kids anyway while they were together)

and once when she left her husband she moved back home, and he used to sit in our front yard watching us and told her he would kill our parents to get back at her.

she finally has left him and is now married to someone else and lives in a different state and the kids are all grown up but they all have problems the son drinks every night

the Daughter has a very horrible boyfriend, I think he hits her...

and the other Daughter sleeps with alot of men looking for approval from men, she is now 22 years old with 3 kids and a Husband

to me if a woman is silly enough to stay with someone that bashes her, that's her choice but don't have kids!!!!!!! and if the woman does have kids LEAVE!!!!!!!!!! don't let them get bashed or see their mother being bashed :(

Answer 7

I believe that mostly comes from being weak and afraid and from fear of being killed or losing their children.

People that physically abuse their SO also mentally abuse them them and brain wash them. I believe that you are generalizing all spectrums of abuse, and I can bet that you have NO IDEA of what it is to be abused for real, otherwise, you wouldn't dare to accuse abused women to "like" being hit, burned and knock unconcious on the regular basis and be told that they are trash and that they are worthless or that they will be killed if they leave.

Please, do not disrespect those whose suffer such kind of abuse. That was quite unsensitive of you.

Good luck

Answer 8

I think that maybe they've been threatened by their bf/husbands and are afraid that if they leave they will be stalked or even killed.Also, many of those men control all the money so the woman has no financial way to move, or maybe they stay because of the kids.Either way it's really sad.

Answer 9

What is it about women whom attract men who do this sort of thing and continue to let them back. That's one thing I have never done and couldn't fathom doing to a woman, regardless of what she did.
I can only guess that these women have been raised in this atmosphere and find it acceptable, but know its wrong.

Answer 10

You're like any other addict... "I quit so why can't everyone else".
As one who has had the sense to NEVER let any man hit me, I'll ask, Why did YOU get in to abusive relationships?
Why do you hang with women you disrespect?
If you don't get it, then you're no better than the abuser.

**Just an FYI here, chicky... I have never been abused. The one time a guy even came close to hitting me, I flat told him, "You may beat the crap out of me now. But I know where you live, I know when you sleep, and I know how fast your home will burn."
Unlike you, I had the sense to never choose the guy who showed signs of abusiveness. So, before calling me soft, ask yourself, "Who got the crap kicked out of herself in THREE relationships, and who has never been hit by a man?"