My husband and I got into a heated conversation yesterday because he feels that its ok to talk to his family and his coworkers about what takes place in our marriage. I feel that "What goes on at home, stays at home." What is your take on this situation?
2007-04-25 01:46:44 · 21 answers · asked by Mom of Three 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I don't even talk to my friends about personal things in my marriage. A reason I also ask this question is because I have had 2 people contact me and tell me things that my hubby told them and I don't even talk to these people.
2007-04-25 01:54:19 · update #1
The things that he mention are always the bad stuff or at least thats all I have heard.
2007-04-25 02:04:45 · update #2
Our family is on the east coast and we live in the midwest but they still contact me and blame everything on me since they are only hearing his side of the story.
2007-04-25 02:08:42 · update #3
amen to that. You are exactly right, what goes on between the two of you should stay between the two of you. You didn't marry his family and friends you married him. Now that just gets people in your business which can be more trouble that you wanted. Of course he is going to tell his side of things and then the judging begins. He needs to know for future reference that what happens between the two of you is your business and no one else's and be sure you are straight forward about this because this could lead to bigger things. Good luck
2007-04-25 01:55:18 · answer #1 · answered by Pegi 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My husband does the same thing. It's childish and irritating. And it can be very hurtful. For 13 years he's been running to his parents everytime we fight. The only problem is he tells them what I did or said, but not what he did. So he comes out looking like the victim. The sad part is that we wouldn't even fight if he didn't start it. He frequently comes home in a poor mood and snaps at us all. He's reckless with the money, so I do the bills, and that makes him feel powerless, so he's constantly looming over my shoulders. He'll say negative things to us, that are hurtful, and when I react by telling him how hurtful it is, he'll go off yelling. Then he runs to mommy and complains. My reputation has been destroyed many times over 13 years, because of what he says. I finally told him that I'm withdrawing from his family. I wont have anything to do with them anymore. And if he wants to know why I've also withdrawn from him physically and emotionally, he can take a look at what he's done. I don't feel safe in my life. Safe as in, protected, taken care of, all the ways a woman is supposed to be.
It's unfortunate. I don't want my marriage to end, and the only way I am able to get from one day to the next is to be closed to all of them, including my husband, emotionally. I can't open up to him emotionally anymore because for 13 years, every time I did, I got hurt. I hope you have better luck in your situation. If you can change it now, then do it. Don't wait 13 years to grow kahonies.
2007-04-25 09:26:24 · answer #2 · answered by kari w 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I don’t feel it’s wrong but there are degrees. It depends on what the actual subject matter is. If you guys are having very personal problems like sexual, medical or interfamily I would say not to discus this. It’s good to get other points of views for they may open your eyes and help you fix the problem. Now what I think would be best is that you both go and talk to a councilor, someone that will not take sides. Friends and family sometime take sides. So go to a councilor.
2007-04-25 09:04:56 · answer #3 · answered by Jose M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't blame you one bit. There are two things I will not do publicly: 1, discuss personal issues with anyone other than my Sig. other, and 2, discuss household finances. It's no ones business what you and your husband do, or what goes on in your home. I just had to teach my 6 year old that what goes on in the house does not have to be reported back to his teacher (ie., I spilled my juice all over the rug!). Keep the business at home. He should respect that. If he doesn't, give him less to talk about.
2007-04-25 09:11:52 · answer #4 · answered by swilson_lewis 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Interesting question. I am the type of guy who will talk with my closest friends and certain family members if I feel like I'm losing control of a situation. My wife on the other hand has this unique ability to not talk to ANYBODY and carry on like business as usual. Eventually things return to normal, and it's ME who feels stupid for dragging other people into it. My advice (which I should also follow) is for your husband to learn to keep his mouth shut. Otherwise you're going to get a LOT of dirty looks at cocktail parties and holidays. And the last thing you need are judging eyes.
2007-04-25 09:19:16 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it can cause trouble but it seems as if he has somethings that he wishes to talk about. You should provide him with this. Listen to him. Talk to him. Tell him how you feel. Some realtionships start with this b/c they are the people he is close to for long periods. It's not right but the only way you can end it is be presistant. Ask daily what's going on. Then maybe weekely how he feels you guys are doing. My ex and i did everything from making deals with each other to making up list of what we liked and didn't like about each other. This way it's on the table for discusion.
2007-04-25 08:56:57 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
That depends. If it's positive things then share away, but if it's negative things, those shouldn't be shared with everyone and anyone. I can see having one trusted friend, but he shouldn't be talking about it to all his work buddies and everyone in the family. That's not fair to you. They would only be getting his side of the story and then they would be forming opinions about you without all the information. He needs to be more discreet and keep what happens at home, in the home.
2007-04-25 08:58:02 · answer #7 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I feel the same way you do...I'm a very private person and I would be totally irritated if my husband told our business "to anybody" not alone people I know and deal with. Anyway, I feel your pain, what goes on in your home is between the two of you and nobodies business.
2007-04-25 09:02:59 · answer #8 · answered by Always Camera Ready 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am trying to live my life according to the Warren Buffet principle: Don't do anything you wouldn't mind seeing splashed across the front of the New York Times.
Now, if you're talking about intimate sexual details and things like that, well it's just bad manners and not gentlemanly or lady-like to discuss those outside of marriage. But if there is a breakdown of basic affection and romance, that can be discussed without sounding like an idiot child, and hopefully you can get some good advice and formulate your thought processes.
People who worry like you do... worry me. What is it you are hiding? You a little freaky or what? You sound like you have something to hide. Control freaks and abusers have something to hide. What are you hiding?
I noticed swilson (below) concurs, and then later claims to have been in abusinve relationships and wonders aloud in her question why women allow themselves to be beaten, proving my point. If you live your life in a way that is good, then there's nothing you have to worry about.
2007-04-25 09:00:23 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
My husband does this occasionally. I think he does it mostly to get attention at work. He loves to be the center of attention. But I agree that the negative things in your marriage should remain behind closed doors, and not public knowledge. It`s not fair to you to have these people thinking ill things about you, especially if you hardly know them. And as for your mother in law........ Definitely not!
2007-04-25 09:15:33 · answer #10 · answered by MISTY 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋