Why can't my husband ever give or receive affection from me without turning it into a grope?

Question

I find it really hurtful. So then, I withhold affection because I know he'll always expect it to turn to something else. Even if he does give me a cuddle at night, his hands can't just be round my waist. I've talked to him time and time again, but he never changes. He just stops the affection.

I'm not frigid or unappreciative that he loves me, but he honestly doesn't give any affection apart from that. Even if I'm low,or ill.Not even when I was really upset at a friends funeral.

Answer 1

Don't get so upset about it! It's just the way some men are. He IS showing you affection, in his own way.Men and women are just different in the way they show it. Does he go to work everyday? Does he keep the bills paid? Does he play with the kids? Does he tell you he loves you? These are ways he also shows affection for you. Men are very physical and sex is very important to them. Let him show affection the way he knows how. Obviously what you've tried isn't working, so just go with it!!! At least he is touching you and wants to touch you!!! Be glad!!! My husband does the same to me and we've been married 16 yrs! He can't get a hug without feeling me up all over! He also talks dirty to me, and I love it!!! I guess all women and men are different, but you need to learn to work with how he is. He's being a man. Would you rather him do what he does, or stop the affection?

Answer 2

Sometimes people don't know how to be affectionate without it being sexual. It is something we learn. Perhaps his parents weren't very loving & affectionate towards him or each other. I believe people can be taught the meaning of affection. Try not to get cross about it as this will make things worse if there is bad feeling surrounding this. Just explain to him that sometimes it's nice to have a bit of a cuddle without being sexual. That it's ok to just enjoy feeling close & that a husband & wife can love each other in more than one way. A husband & wife can be friends as well as lovers. Communication is the key, you have to tell him how you are feeling. Good luck!

Answer 3

Hey, look I know how you feel. Not that I would ever complain if that happened to me but that I can understand that it hurts that you think your hubby just "wants sex" and doesn't want to show just affection. You have to understand or at least try that he finds you irresistable and can't help showing it. You much be gorgeous or he wouldnt be doing this. Listen be patient w/ him. Don't withdraw, that's not fair, don't withhold, that's not fair. Just love him. Guys are just like that sometimes. It's not an excuse but he loves you. Don't think otherwise. Just try to say that it would be nice to have a hug w/o it being a sexual hug. And that it would be nice to have him show love to you just for showing love's sake instead of wanting it to go any farther. Cheer up. He does love you. some guys just have trouble showing it. Take Care.

Answer 4

I've had the same problem. I tried to talk to hubby time and again but got nowhere. Then he finally admitted that he couldn't give affection as in hugs because he didn't know how to give affection without all the rest of it. He came from a broken home, mother left him and siblings, siblings were wanted and loved by family but he was not.

Answer 5

This is a really common problem. The "correct" answer is to talk to him about it . . . but it sounds like you've tried that, and the behavior doesn't change.

So why not try giving him a taste of his own medicine? Grab his privates when you know he really isn't in the mood, say when he is fast asleep or watching the game. Make it a good grope, like he probably does to you, then act hurt when he complains.

Is this childish? Of course. But it might make your point, since talking hasn't done the trick.

Answer 6

You are conditioning him - just like Pavlov's dogs - to uderstand that any time you want "affection" you withhold sex.

Then you demand more affection and withdraw even more sex when he gets aroused. So now for him, both demands for affection *and* arousal mean he isn't going to have sex. You're lucky he's not wearing a drool cup inside a f*cking loony bin somewhere.

Perhaps try this thing called a "compromise" - start with this agreement: every other time you want affection, it has to stay at affection. No grabbing boobs or butts. Just hugging and tenderness. But the next time, you two make out for 10 minutes *after* the affection session. Then the next time, it's affection only. Then the next time, a little making out.

As he gets the message, throw in a surprise session on the couch now and then. One bl*w job every now and then out of the blue goes a long way towards modifying a man's behavior. When you finish, tell him, "That's for just holding me without grabbing my boobs when I just want to be held."

Later, change it to one in 3 times that it's make out time. A month later, make it 1 in 4 times. Then 1 in 5.

And for god's sake, stop using sex as a weapon to enforce your desire for affection. Use it to shape his behavior, don't just slam your legs shut. You have power, use it, don't just dry up. But you'll never make any progress by not having sex. For men, sex IS affection.Virtually all of us have to be trained like village idiots to learn the difference. Either you want to do the training, or you don't.

Women. You silly creatures. For all your bragging about understanding - you only understand each other, not men.

Answer 7

I totally agree with you. There are times when you just want a hug , a squeez and a bit of kissing , but no there is always something that comes up between you. Hehehehe, joke. Yes, i know what you mean , just a little huggie is nice now and again without having to go all the way. Hell, we also need a break hey:)))

Answer 8

My husband can be like this. Always thinks a hug means a sh*g. But for me i find it a bit of a turn on, i mean he WANTS me, its not that he is just interested in one thing, its that he's interested in me.
But if im ill, or feeling crappy, he'll come and give me a hug. Or vice versa. So there are times when affection is just a hug, or kiss. But 99% of the time his hands go elsewhere, but he's my husband and i think i would find it strange if he didnt do it.

Answer 9

a man's perspective: what initially caused you to date the man - sexual attraction. We are, at all times sexual beings and luckily for you, your partner still sees you that way. You are supposed to have a special relationship - one that means you touch each other in ways (physically and mentally) that no other person can touch you. He expresses affection for you in a way that validates that special relationship - otherwise you are no more than friends. I don't see why a woman should feel threatened by this.

What do you want from your man - you should not expect him to treat or touch you the same way that a girlfriend or gay male friend would - your relationship is by definition a sexual one, the partnership you entered is by definition a sexual one, why do you now want to deny one of the cornerstones that you based your relationship on.

Spare a thought for all the unloved people in the world asking why their partner doesn't touch them in a sexual manner and be grateful that your man still has the hots for you

Answer 10

I would have to think that you should feel its a compliment. Would you rather a husband that never wanted to touch you or be around or would you prefer a husband that is so attracted to you that he gets turned on everytime he is near you. I have been on both sides where I never wanted to touch my ex-wife and eventually we divorced because she found someone else that felt that way about her. On the opposite end of the extreme I couldn't be near my ex-girlfriend because I found myself always wanting to express to her how I felt about her with my mind and my body. I equated my touching and cuddling with her as a lead up to sex. Eventually her and I broke up for a different reason but I remember our many conversations about sex, cuddling and intitmate stuff that happens during a relationship. In the beginning of our relationship she was more than eager to give me sex on almost a daily basis and after a few years of being together it was down to once every few months.