Is it my fault that my wife cheated on me - (not enough 'common interests' she says)?

Question

My ex-wife says that it was my fault that she strayed. She said that despite the fact that I showered her with love and attention, the fact that we had so little interests in common meant that our relationship was doomed. She never even tried to fix our relationship, she just decided to cut out and develop close mental and physical relationships with other men.
Was it really my fault that I love ice cream, but she doesn't, or that she loves sushi and mushrooms but that I just cannot stand such foods. Little things like this is her reasoning.

Answer 1

you did nothing wrong as far as i can see
you should be proud to call this immature self serving
short sighted person an EX wife.
you can do better. how can she try to make it YOUR fault she was a LIAR and a CHEAT??
good riddance and carry on!

Answer 2

If this is all that there is to the story of your life with her (if you're telling the truth, in other words), then f**k it! She'd already decided long ago that she didn't want to spend the rest of her life w/ you.
Here are some of my concerns: Fixing a relationship --this sounds like someone (or both parties) are willing to give up part of their being just to stay together. To hell w/ that! People need to be happy w/ whom they've partnered with!!!!!!!!
It's nobody's fault whether they like/dislike ice cream or whatever. What makes relationships strong (keeps them THERE) is common things that people share. An atheist surely wouldn't be a match w/ a devout christian, would they?
It's nobody's fault. It's just a lack of common interests.
LET IT GO.
You - and she - will someday find someone you're both equally partnered with. It's for the better. It will be painful and feel like failure for the time, but it's best in the long run. It'll get better.
If a person blames you for such trivial things like the fact that you have differences about ice cream, then they are making excuses to exit the relationship. If you were a pedophile or a crack addict and they weren't, then I could understand why they have their difference of opinion.
Screw it. Let them go. You were looking for someone when you found her, right?

Answer 3

My fiance too used me as the scapegoat for cheating. She is simply blaming you because she is too immature and selfish to face the fact that she and only she is to blame. Why don't you look at it from a different viewpoint. YOU accepted her for the good and bad and cherished the differences between you. SHE, on the other hand, did not appreciate you for exactly who you are. If she has that little a level of committment, she will be disatisfied with ANYONE. Given time, and after the newness wears off, she will look for all the differences she can find between her and any guy she is with. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT! DO NOT let her use you as the scapegoat. If you two are still together, you better get into counseling with her or you can plan on it happening again. STAND YOUR GROUND! (and I am very sorry for the pain you had to go through at the hands of a very selfish person)

Answer 4

It is not your fault that she strayed. Even if you hadn't treat her with the love that she desirved (or didn't desirve as the case may be), it would still have been her choice to cheat on you. But that isn't even the case. It looks like she simply lost interest in you and decided to move on instead of actualy trying to make things work.

There are always ways to put interest and spark back into a relationship as long as both are willing to put in the effort.

Ice cream and sushi mean didley squat in a relationship unless either makes them into tools for a better relationship or a wedge to break it up.

Answer 5

Little thing do make a good ground for little fights, but not for a divorce. Your wife is just giving you a guilt trip. Being married to you means she knew how u were, if only a little, and if she wanted to make your marriage better, she should have found a better way to do it, or just talk to you about it.
So NO, it's not your fault she cheated on you. Even if she knew that the marriage is, as you say 'doomed' she shouldn't have done that. But the fall of your marriage is both your fault.

Answer 6

Psychologists call what your ex wife is doing "justification." No, it's not your fault at all, and please don't let her convince you it was your fault that she cheated. It would only be your fault if you held a gun to her head, and ordered her to have sex with the other guy or you'd shoot. I take it you didn't do that.

SHE was the one who decided to take her clothes off, SHE was the one who broke her marriage vows, and SHE IS the one who has no concept of the word committment. She had to have known that you guys had so few interests in common the day you got married, so why did she marry you?

Please don't feel for a minute this was your fault, ok? I hope you find a woman who will appreciate you for all your good traits, who will love to eat ice cream with you, and who also hates sushi and mushrooms!

(BTW, I love ice cream, and hate sushi--but not mushrooms--but I'm already married to a wonderful guy)

Answer 7

Dude she is dead wrong. First of all did she think she was going to marry you and then change you. Maybe she shouldn't have said I do. She should have asked for a divorce prior to cheating on you. I've seen it.. You watch baseball...I hate baseball...Well then why did you act like you liked it when we where dating. You did the laundry wrong..don't do it...Then why the hell isn't she doing it at all. All kinds of little ridiculous little excuses designed to make her feel better for doing what she did. You may not be perfect (your not and guess what no one is). And who cares what food you both like. Are you jamming the Ice Cream down her throat. Doesn't she have another Sushi Loving Girlfriend. I'd guess she wanted everything and gave nothing. We should probably go to a ballgame together

Answer 8

You don't know how blessed you are to be rid of that selfish,lying, nut case. Those are the things that make a relationship great. It would be boring if you married someone just like you. Chances are she is not marriage material. if I were you, I wouldn't let her keep telling that lie. The next time she open up her mouth to tell that lie, you tell her that there's allot of women that is emotionally sound that disagree with her. Tell her you can not help if she wasn't ready for marriage and she feel the need to seek comfort in the arms of various men. Pull your heart together and count your blessing. You tell her she is her own fault and any other man that decide to form a relationship with her and that you are no longer gonna allow her to tell that cotton mouth lie and you try to defend it. Tell her to have a nice life and thanks for teaching you what sociopath's are really like.

Answer 9

This is "blame shifting". It happens when you do something wrong, but don't want to accept responsibility for it. It's a very self-centered, immature behavior. It isn't uncommon, but it's still immature.

First, you probably didn't have much in common from the beginning. So, obviously this wasn't problem enough for her to not marry you.

She decided to cheat. Unless you tied her up and brought the man into the bedroom, this was her decision. She can attempt to justify it anyway that helps her sleep at night, but the reality is..she made this choice. She is the one responsible for her actions, not you.

I went through this with the last boyfriend. He decided to cheat. I could have almost understood (almost), but when he informed me it was my fault because I wasn't there for him, that did it. He wasn't THERE for me either, but that's what happens in a long distance relationship. It wasn't like he didn't know what the mileage was. He made that decision, but didn't want to take responsibility for the consequences.

Count yourself lucky that she's your ex.

Answer 10

Lack of common interests is not an excuse to cheat on your spouse. In fact, no excuse is good enough....period. What your wife did was transfer the blame from herself to you, so that somehow (in her mind) she can justify and rationalize the reasons why she cheated. It is her way of unloading the guilt in her conscience (or lack thereof), and transferring that "guilt" on to you to make it seem like it was your fault.

So to answer your question, no it is not your fault. In fact, it has absolutely nothing to do with you as a person at all. The problem is in her.

Answer 11

Please don't torture yourself like this. An affair is just a symptom of a problem within a relationship - and a relationship requires two people! Sure, there were probably things you could have done differently, but there were just as certainly things she could have done as well!

Common interests do help a relationship, but they aren't required for success. But didn't she know you were different people when she agreed to marry you? Sounds like she's just trying to excuse her behavior and poor communication skills. Don't let her put all the blame on you!