I am divorcing, and so many people tell me to 'take him to the cleaners.'
I'm only going to take what is fair, which is half, since we built everything up together from nothing. No more, no less.
I have no desire to bleed him dry of any extra income he earns. Granted, he earned a lot of money by being deployed to Iraq, he earned it, he put his life on the line, so he deserves to keep it.
Why do so many people insist upon taking their ex-partners to the cleaners? It sounds to me that it's more like a revenge tactic than one of genuine need. Your opinions? Thank you.
2007-04-24 18:05:39 · 14 answers · asked by Vanessa 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Phil....I can't tell you. If I knew the answer, I wouldn't be answering the question.
2007-04-24 18:34:59 · update #1
You're rare. For some reason, it seems people want to exact revenge.
I was like you. I only wanted divorced, and I only wanted what was fair and reasonable. We had no joint debts, we had no joint accounts. We did have a child, and I expected him to assist in supporting her, and to be a parent. (Well, that didn't happen, but I tried)
My attorney told me I could get more, and I explained to her I only wanted a divorce, not revenge. She told me I'd change my mind, but I didn't.
I agree with you completely. When it's over, just end it. No drama. Minimal suffering. Then you move on.
2007-04-24 21:58:32 · answer #1 · answered by Kaia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The revenge makes some people feel good at the time, but everyone I know that has opted for 'take them to the cleaners' has felt miserable about themselves years later.
Just remember you have to look at yourself in the mirror for the next 30-60 years. It's just not worth it. And who knows, you might need some help from him at some time, you might even decide to get back together 10 years later. Stranger things have happened. Always be the right kind of person, and everything else will fall into place.
2007-04-24 18:25:24 · answer #2 · answered by hanggdog 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Finally a woman that thinks rationally.
A divorce is simply between to people that do not have the love for each other they once had and I applaud you on your decision.
You here that a lot from people giving advice on divorces. I know...been there and done that. Taking your soon to be ex "to the cleaners" shows to me an act of being vindictive. It is childish.
Just because to people don't love each other anymore, they should still respect them and allow them to live the rest of their lives out in peace.
Granted, a divorce is a terrible thing to go through but to actually do what you can to try to ruin another persons life is just flat childish.
Good luck in your new life...happiness is just around the corner but you don't know which corner it is.
2007-04-25 02:48:30 · answer #3 · answered by Magicman 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For the most part the very idea of just ruining your ex financially is based more on hate and revenge than much else. However, having never been in the situation, I surely cannot speak on it from any personal experience. When my parents divorced they just split everything up down the middle. It worked for them. I do think that you are doing the right thing.
2007-04-24 18:11:29 · answer #4 · answered by kalea_kane 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
People do it out of spite and revenge. It is unfortunate and happens all of the time. Another thing people do that is cruel is using their children as "weapons" in a divorce. I know this because my soon to be ex is using our children against me. She found out that if she files for a protective order she can keep me from even talking to them until the divorce is final. Don't do it! In the long run "what goes around comes around". Be civil. Unless he has done something truly wrong to you don't make it any harder than these things can be.
God bless and best wishes!
2007-04-24 18:13:12 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hey Penny !!
GOOD FOR YOU !! for not “taking him to the cleaners”. Your actions speak volumes about your good Character-sense of fairness- and common decency as a woman. No doubt you are suffering, stressed out, and running through all the emotions involved with the “death of a marriage”. However you stand out as a true Adult woman who can look past the urge to legally use Hate-Anger-spite-viciousness- as a weapon. All the reasons for your divorce are unknown, and doesn’t matter.
Your outstanding attitude and sense of fairness speaks so well of you !! You stand TALL as a woman with character and decency !! Hat’s off to you!
Wish you a very successful happy future !
2007-04-24 18:37:27 · answer #6 · answered by logicalanswer 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
some to just get even.ex.like if he left her for someone else.but i like the way ur think,make sense if both built everything up together.me i took my ex to court for child support after he didn't come through with the agreement we made outside of court.he don't want to see or support his son in anyway,so i took him to court.and i did that just to get what is right for my son. not to clean him out...
2007-04-24 18:21:19 · answer #7 · answered by leen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well when i divorced my ex i let him keep everything i just wanted out and my name back. Now i am married to a us soldier too and again i agree with you i will not take everything from him either if anything was to ever happen to us.
2007-04-24 18:15:01 · answer #8 · answered by memori_19 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
People can say that and they usually don't succeed. Nobody is so dumb to be taken to cleaners anymore.
2007-04-24 18:15:45 · answer #9 · answered by Sir Richard 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are a very decent woman for feeling this way,and you are right it's a revenge thing,sometimes the man might deserve it and sometimes not.
2007-04-24 18:24:03 · answer #10 · answered by Georgewasmyfavorite 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋