Heart leaking on to paper,
dripping out started later,
Drip drop the heart stops.
You stay living,
even tho your hearts bleeding.
Drying out, shriviling up,
faster and faster without luck.
Then from no where a crow starts pecking,
pecking pecking without a care.
With you soul coming through,
your body your life will end soon but all you can do is lie there to.
But for now all your friends can do,
is to cover your heart with a thousand plasters!
i am 14
please say what you like and dislike!
2007-04-24 18:02:28 · 15 answers · asked by Katja ie tattybow 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
ive wrote lots of poems on here b4! look @ them and come back and comment! sometime
2007-04-24 18:14:59 · update #1
I tried to touch it up a bit hope you like am sorry i was rude am well tired tho but tried to keep your idea in tact. if you like you can say you did it.
My heart is leaking out emotion
devoid of love I feel it weep.
Time again to reflect my feelings.
my tears are bleeding as I sleep
Time moves slowly without company
faster faster it pumps deceit.
Within my soul the angels calling,
will heaven hold a place for me
2007-04-24 18:10:13 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You are a very mature 14 year old. This is evident in your deep thought and in your asking people to say what they like and what they don't like. Most 14 year olds are at that narcissistic stage where everything is about them. It is rare to find one of your age who welcomes constructive criticism.
I am a poet.....albeit a frustrated one. I am 65 years old. Poets write usually for their own needs. So I am wondering
what is going on or has gone on in your life that has brought about such profound thoughts. Are you ill? Is someone you know gravely ill? Or have you recently lost a loved one who lingered and lingered before finally mercifully dying? My brother died of cancer this past summer and his 14 year old grand daughter......my niece...wrote a very similar poem. Life has a way of maturing us early sometimes but we are better people for the experience.
Please don't change a thing in your poem including grammar and spelling. It is your poem and mistakes in grammar and spelling add to the geniuness of your feelings.
And I am wondering.......is this a plea for help? I hope not but if it is please talk with a trusted adult.
Well enough of my rambling. Take care and I would love to hear from you. You may Email me at louisianaman2 on hot mail.
2007-04-25 02:44:50 · answer #2 · answered by Elphin B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Quite a nice piece given your age!
With you soul coming through,
=your?
Drying out, shriviling up,
=shriveling?
your body your life will end soon but all you can do is lie there to.
= is something missing after -to?
Great poem great promise. Compose more, you deserve congratulations.
*
2007-04-25 02:31:46 · answer #3 · answered by ari-pup 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you are only 14 and poetry is a very hard medium to master!
I think there are some effective images in the poem - a bad point is perhaps the repetitiveness of certain words. Read more poetry! that will always help.
2007-04-25 01:12:53 · answer #4 · answered by Cherrypink 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's nice and personal but you didn't have to say that you're 14, it's very obvious. I think you have the talent, and it's very brave to let strangers read your poems. Go on with the good work. If you stay persistent, in time, you'll amaze yourself with the development even you will be able to notice easily. I'm looking forward to your next poem! ;)
2007-04-26 14:24:04 · answer #5 · answered by tricky 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Theres nothing to dislike about it ithink it is original,i like most kinds of poetry,some on here are not to good,but this one is people dont realise how hard poetry can be anyone who can write it good like this has a talent.congratulations.
2007-04-25 11:21:18 · answer #6 · answered by TS100N 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am also 14. You spelt though wrong.
Its much much more impressive if you leave an answer or a question in politics or science and then say your 14.
2007-04-25 06:31:59 · answer #7 · answered by Henry A 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes I do like your poem.Do not give up writing poems.Do date them for future reference,and look back and see how you have developed.Your poem is fantastic and one can actually visualise what you are saying.
2007-04-25 10:06:18 · answer #8 · answered by redsetter 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i do like your poem, specially the part "You stay living,
even tho your hearts bleeding".
pretty good, could be better though
keep up the good work, one day ull write a perfect one.
2007-04-25 01:13:41 · answer #9 · answered by Your best friend 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I might like it if someone was playing the bongos in the back ground while you read it in a coffee shop, and I'd act like I care.
2007-04-25 01:11:19 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋