I have been with my husband for 8 years since i was 14 years old we have to young beautiful boys together. He thinks about himself so much and seems to put hisself before me or the boys. My husband VOLUNTARILY chose to work out of town for two weeks. My LAST two weeks of school when i have my finals. Some how im suppose to take care of my kids by myself and find time to study and pass my finals. I do really well in college and its not to hard but the extra help would be nice. When he told me he was going i told him " i really would like for you not to go, but if that is what YOU WANT to do than you should." I want to be so angry with him but part of me feels like its my fault for letting him make the decision hisself. But if i had just told him flat out no it would have been even worse. I often find myself staying with him for the kids i do love him but they mean more to me than that. What should i do ?
2007-04-24 16:21:50 · 16 answers · asked by Ashley 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I just want to say to the person that had to leave some rude comment i don't want your criticism and i am in real college thank you very much it isn't hard to keep a man through two pregnancies if your a good woman .. he isn't bored by any means i know this for a fact i talk with my husband every night because I MYSELF get bored i don't want criticism about myself so if that is what you plan on leaving me please don't answer my question.
2007-04-24 16:33:27 · update #1
You have to do what is right for you. But in all fairness did you explain to him why you didn't want him to go? Did you tell him that will leave you a bit overwhelmed while trying to pass finals? He can't read your mind nor should you expect him to. And if you think he should have known then you are cheating yourself as well as him. We cannot assume just because something is at the forefront of our mind it is also in his. That doesn't mean he doesn't care but he may have other things weighing heavier on his mind at the time.
Keep this in mind when you are thinking about what to do.
2007-04-24 16:28:52 · answer #1 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should show him or tell him what you wrote? Some men just don't get it even when you tell them something straight up, and you gave him a choice and he chose.
Seems to me maybe he wanted to try to be a good provider and do what's best for the family and you by working. Maybe he thought that was a better choice between the 2 choices, either stay with you and not get paid so he can watch the kids while you study, or go to work and get paid so he can further provide for you and the children and pay the bills. That's just how men work.
Can you have them play at the park, McDonald's playland, or in the back yard while you use summary notes. Have grandparents come to visit for 2 weeks and take kids to zoo and park, hire a babysitter for a few to several hours, or swap duties with another mother in exchange she can go on vacation or something for a week or 2 or date nights or offer to do chores while she gets pampered later after your 2 weeks.
2007-04-26 12:47:07 · answer #2 · answered by Desyra 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well first all you can not exchange him into the perfect. I know being pregnant is emotional draining and on high of a active two year old is really a hand full. Get out and take a stroll together with your little one and a buddy to loosen up. Chiefly even as he's at work. Speak to a wedding counselor for yourself as your husband sounds very disrespectful and also you ought to vent. In the meantime are attempting to not worry simply do your section to make this marriage work. The question... Do you need it to work?
2016-08-11 03:31:58 · answer #3 · answered by koes 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's understandable that you were frustrated as the timing for him to work out of time really didn't co-exist with your important schedule. Before you completely label his choice as a selfish one consider a few things, like did he get paid more for working out of town? If so, then maybe his choice wasn't the most convenient, as far as scheduling goes, but maybe it was financially. If he did it to benefit the family then just give him some slack.
If he's slacking off on other responsibilities, like with the children, talk to him about it and let him know that a change really does need to be made.
2007-04-24 16:30:26 · answer #4 · answered by Lwood 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOu're still young enough...at 22 now....to have a better life than this. If your husband is actually choosing to work out of town , leaving you in such a bind with the kids and having to study for exams etc...then you should start thinking bout the future for you and the two kids. Never stay in a marriage just for 'the kids sake' it ends up being much worse for them seeing what goes on and how you speak to one another..with anger, frustration , resentment perhaps....
Think long and hard what you want to do, what is best for you and the kids. Sit down and talk to your husband, ask the questions you want answers to....and try to communicate with him what it is you want out of life....sitting at home with 2 kids while he volunteers to work out of town...and not spend time with you and his kids....then some changes need to take place.
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2007-04-24 16:31:01 · answer #5 · answered by friskymisty01 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think that you need to tell your partner what your emotional needs of him are. Often men believe their partner to be strong and able to handle an enormous workload even if they themselves couldn't. My partner had no idea that I was on the verge of walking out because he was so self centred and only ever thought about work until I told him.
I do think that your partner was selfish to leave you at home with two children while you are doing your finals. Does he think that his priorities are all that matter?
2007-04-24 16:31:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him to grow up. And u did say IF he wanted to go he should go. He prob didn't know how to read between the lines. If u didn't want him to go because it would be too hard with finals and need help with the kids, u should tell him. U gotta trust he'll make his own decisions but u can also put out what u feel.
2007-04-24 16:28:28 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know what your going throw My husband works out of town all week and only home on weekends I know he is tired but the kids and i need him too. Its like i have theses kids on my own.You just need to find the time to talk to him and let him know what you need and what you wont do with out. It is hard when they put themself first and all we can do is think of the kids and them. There is no right answer to this .
2007-04-24 16:30:34 · answer #8 · answered by pechuneycutt 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would definitely tell him how you feel. If you have concerns and want him to help you do something about it, I would be truthful to one another. To me, marriage is all about trust. If there is a miscommunication, then you might think trust is lost. Hang in there and both of you just need to lay everything on the table. Good luck.
2007-04-24 16:37:29 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did he tell you he was going? Or did he ask you about him going?
If he asked and you said to make your own decision, then you have no grounds to be upset with him.
If he told you he was going, I still feel that you should have discussed it and told him how bad the timing was. But if he TOLD you, whatever you said probably would not have made any difference to him anyway.
I think he did act selfishly, but you need to stand up for yourself :)
2007-04-24 16:30:18 · answer #10 · answered by hi_stk_n 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋