i know it's not the best but what do you think
You’re love is like the draining of a river flowing
You’re heart pumps like the wind is always blowing
My hate for you is like the vein in my wrist bulging
But know ones more special than you in my life I’m living.
The weapons around me pressure me hard,
But I know better hurt your heart,
The pain from the thought of reality,
Can become so real it is real
Someone please help me escape from the wet mold smelled cave
Help me get you back to where you belong
In a place beside me in a place inside me
Too bad when we were younger I wasn’t right for you
I guess you chose to die young than old
I know I’m being weird like I was drowned in the sea
Like my flesh made a blanket over me literally
But now I’m alive in my very special spot...
The corner,
Alone,
Forever.
2007-04-24 16:15:10 · 7 answers · asked by thumb_almighty 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
Hey, it's not bad! Did you come up with that? Good job! :)
2007-04-24 16:27:07 · answer #1 · answered by mtngrl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do like it. It makes it statement clearly. I would offer a suggestion of maybe referring to a thesaurus to spruce up some of the words a bit. Maybe "hate" could be "abhorrence", and so-forth. Embellished vocabulary can really do wonders for writing as well as expanding your own.
Keep writing. I do believe poetry is a form of expression that helps one find comfort in opening up ones self, to them self.
2007-04-24 23:34:11 · answer #2 · answered by Thomcat 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really don't know how to respond. It started feeling surreal right around the "wet mold smelled cave". I.....um.....I......yeah.
2007-04-24 23:25:05 · answer #3 · answered by jack jagger 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nice..I have a lantern..let me light your way..if not..forever stay..
2007-04-24 23:23:40 · answer #4 · answered by Gargirl™® 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, very much...
2007-04-25 02:52:56 · answer #5 · answered by kylie e 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its really sad
2007-04-24 23:19:57 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
send us more
2007-04-24 23:18:31 · answer #7 · answered by amberharris20022000 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋