I live with my 24 year old daughter and her 7 year old. The issue is housework, or the lack of it. I have a nice home that I have spent a lot of time, effort and money decorating. It tears me up to see the kitchen a disaster, clutter everywhere, the upstairs hallway has clothes all over it, can't get into the laundry room because of the pile of clothes. She has put STUFF into my sewing room and I can hardly walk in there. Her dog (though I had told her I didn't want a dog here) has torn up the backyard that was nicely landscaped, has just recently torn up the drip system so the plants are going to die. I just don't know what to do. I ask her, I reason with her, I argue with her, I get angry and yell at her. She says she'll do it... and never does. Or she does straighten up (some) and a week later it's back where it was. I work full time, pay the bills. Her husband is deployed in the Army and she is home all day. I just don't know how to get this to stop and I feel STUCK!
2007-04-24 15:29:42 · 12 answers · asked by Hampster 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Make her a chore chart, have her clean up & fix certain things on certain days & tell her you expect it to get done or she will have to leave. If she is going to be at home all day she should keep the house clean & cook dinner at the very least.Tell her it is driving you nuts & you don't have the time or energy to clean up after her & you love her, but you just can't take any more & she is going to have to shape up or ship out.
2007-04-24 16:01:11 · answer #1 · answered by love_um_or_leave_um 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to say but if you can't throw her out then there isn't anything you can do. Don't listen to those fools who always say things like "talk to her...", you already have and it doesn't work. She isn't going to change and she isn't going to get better.
Ok now this is what you can do...have her help pay for a maid. She is getting money from her husband to pay for everything and is just blowing it. You need her to either help play for someone to do what she won't or have her find someone else to live. She has the money to do it, that is what it is there for. Instead she is pocketing the money and living off of yours. It's not cruel or mean, just fair. Oh and find someone to take the dog and do just that when she isn't home. Just say "I don't know what happened to the dog".
2007-04-24 22:38:26 · answer #2 · answered by Just a friend. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Remember the teaching that we give our kids. This is my home and these are my rules. They are good enough for me to live by and they apply to you too. If you want to make your own rules, then buy you a house and soon as you move in make your rules your way. For now you are welcome to live in my home and I want to make you feel like it is yours also, however, the respect that I show my house is expected of you also. If you disagree that is ok, but it does not change the rules and they apply. If I do not follow the rules of my home, my home will go away and I will not give up my home. I want you to enjoy my home as I do and you are welcome here. If you disrespect where I live or the rules of this house you will have to leave. There is no room for disrespect as I do not tolerate it from anyone and visitors respect my home and rules and so will you. It is not open for discussion unless you do not understand the rules and the negotiation of the rules is not to be. If you have and emergency and there is a problem you have to attend to there is more than enough compassion to get past that point. I love you with all my heart and would do nothing to hurt you or your children but you cannot change what I have built or what I live by. I put these rules in place long before you and they are here to stay until the next owner changes them but as long as I am in my house and you are here with me we will abide by the rules because I am not leaving because you do not like my rules of the house. Please do not make me defend the rules as it would break my heart but longivity and ownership give me the right. You have the right to do as you want here so long as it does not infringe on the rights of others and not adhering to the rules is a violation. I hope that I have been very clear in this discussion and we do not have to have it every day or I might have to make another rule. Respect will prevent that and promote happiness here. I really appreciate you understanding my viewpoint about my sanctuary. One day I am in hopes that you will have a sanctuary of your own.
2007-04-24 22:42:52 · answer #3 · answered by g_menagerie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! You really are in a tough situation. But yelling won't solve it. I suggest getting your daughter to sit down, after the kid goes to sleep, and tell her that there must be some changes made. I'd make list of things that you want to change. It's your house. Exercise your right to put down the law. And seven years old is old enough start fessing up and helping keep things neat. Start now, and don't wait. As difficult as it may be, you may have to ask them to leave if things don't change.
2007-04-24 22:36:24 · answer #4 · answered by Suzie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop enabling her. Her child is 7 so I assume they go to school. I would tell her to either get a job and contribute monetarily or clean house, do the laundry and cook dinner. That is fair. I would also tell her to get rid of the dog or get it a pen to live in. My middle child is 20 and works but she also cleans up after herself and helps me around the house for the benefit of living rent free. That is only fair. I work outside of my home and I can't or won't do it all. Not for a grown child. Also my husband served in Iraq for a year and I did everything myself. You just have to tell her you aren't putting up with it anymore. You aren't helping her by doing it for her.
2007-04-24 22:40:00 · answer #5 · answered by mom4gr8kidz 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have to say first of all you are a very good mother to put up with all you have endured. There comes a time when we have to let our children grow up and be adults, my mother use to say two grown women can not live under the same roof because they each have their own set of rules.
2007-04-24 22:58:14 · answer #6 · answered by mathtroubles 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
who's house is it mom!!?? i'm 24 myself curretnly staying with my mother while my appt is renovated and that stuff just does not fly with my mom.. it's your house.. YOUR RULES!! you pay the bills it's your house. do what my mother did when i was younger and wouldn't clean up after myself.. she told me (nicely) once.. then twice.. if she had to ask me a third time and it didn't get done.. it got put out on the front lawn!! she threw my clothes out my bedroom window ONCE!! and that's all it took.. when i asked her why she did it.. she said if you dont respect my house and your things then i dont need to either and since this is my house and your stuff is in it and you wont keep it neat while your in my house then i'll do with it what i please.. as far as the dog goes tell her either you help pay to get it fixed or the dogs out!! TOUGH LOVE mama.. it sucks and mom's hate doing it but if you're not getting through to her the easy way.. you gotta lay the law down.. plus when she's out on her own.. you dont want your grandson living in a sloppy house it's not healthy and all that happens is then end up sloppy themselves.. you can do.. (plus clearing the clutter by chuckin it out the door.. has gotta feel really good.. lol) good luck =)
one more thing... i'm reading how people are saying kick her out.. not a good idea!! one she doesn't have a job and i know looking for an apartment.. you need security.. deposit.. utilities.. it gets expensive and with a child it's harder!! i wouldn't say kick her out but def. tell her to get a job and work with her on moving out.. if you kick her and her child out.. he will only resent you for it later.. she needs to grow up but she's gonna need help finacially.. but thats just my opinion!! =)
2007-04-24 22:38:30 · answer #7 · answered by the critic!! 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
kick her out on her ***....shes 24 yrs old and has a daughter for gods sake. she is an adult and needs to take some responsibility.
you must be her little doormat that she can walk all over, stop letting her do it.
tell her to get off her *** and go get a job so that she can provide a home for her own daughter.
2007-04-24 22:37:35 · answer #8 · answered by Dylangirl 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Get her out and on her own. She is only teaching your granddaughter to live the same way. Is that how you want your granddaughter to treat people? You have done your job, now let her go so she can do hers.
2007-04-24 22:52:25 · answer #9 · answered by earthgirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get a storage unit for the extra stuff
you need to put your foot down your house you love having her there but you need house rules if she does not like those then maybe she will be comfortable elsewhere
2007-04-24 22:36:46 · answer #10 · answered by Cheryl J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋