my marriage is falling apart?

Question

I stayed for the kids and I've wanted him to leave for years now. it seems like it's going to happen, why do I feel so rotten then? is it normal?

@wallyworld69: although I don't owe you any explanations, before passing judjement and getting this abusive. I lived for 22 years with a man suffering bipolar depressions and unpredictable mood swings. my youngest is now 19, I own a business and I support myself, I am not interested in his alimony.

Answer 1

Yes,it's very normal.I stayed married to a military man for 20 yrs.(thank God he was gone most of the time) I raised my sons on base,good schools, protected environment, huge,well maintained apts.There was an unspoken agreement that when he retired/ kids would be grown/he & I would go our separate ways.As the time grew closer I got nervous / my (now) X changed his mind completely. You're just nervous.and it's very normal.I don't know how long you were married.But you said you had wanted to leave him for years.I can only tell you how i experienced it.I was petrafied.I couldn't imagine living alone,although i actually looked forward to it.One day i was someones wife&mother and the next i was trying to teach myself how to cook for one.My sons were both off to college& my X and I moved to opposite ends of the east coast.Living alone for the first time / this is what i wanted.Occasionally i miss what was familiar to me back then.Sometimes a scent ,like tanning oil reminds me of a tropical place we lived at for 4 yrs.(Now i vacation there 'often'& i have a better time,too.) If you're afraid you're making a mistake do something about it.But if you do go through w/it,just look at it as a new adventure.A do over! It's a second chance.You stayed for the kids.You may feel 'rotten' because it's the end of an era.A time in your life that will no longer exist. Everything will be different from now on.A divorce is like a death.It's 'very' o.k. to mourn this loss.Take as much time as you need.It will get better.All those bumps in the night get less scarey as time moves on.Everything is the way you like it,now.No comments from the peanut gallery.When all is said & done,one day you may see yourself in the mirror and say 'i remember you'.You'll be looking at yourself for the first time minus the stress,and the anxiety that probably brought you to this very day.I definately know what it's like to make that sacrifice for your kids.You'll be blessed in so many 'new' ways. You can be so proud of yourself for what you've endured.(it didn't kill you,right/it must've made you stronger then.) If you do this,You'll be o.k. Also,imagine your husbands face when you actually do go through with it. Priceless!!!!............p.s. sorry to be so long winded,but this one - I can answer.

Answer 2

Is he divorcing you or the other way around? Depending on that could be why you feel rotten. Another thing is that God does not want us to divorce. When we exchange vow at the alter whether you have christian beliefs or not you are in a church and not only making a promise to you spouse but to God as well.

Is there no way that you can save your marriage? Maybe seek counseling? Some churches offer it for free.

Whatever your decision, do what is right for the children. Don't use them as a weapon. They love both of you and make sure they realize that this is not about them.

God bless and best wishes!

Answer 3

so what your chasing your husband off purposefully over the years that he supports you and the kids....you just go about treating him like dirt until you drive him to the breaking point where hes gotta leave so he doesn't kill you? let me guess the next step to your grand scheme you hit him up for child support and alimony after you take away his family and kids just to utterly and completely ruin his existence? your such a stereo typical dumb wh*re. do you think that some other great man wants to scoop you up? well here's a news flash you are the reason why your marriage is in shambles and here you are hoping for someones sympathy. oh I'm so sorry ...for that poor man! the sad thing is that so many women are like this now and the laws, which were set to help women, are being completely abused and should be a crime at that. AMERICA WAKE UP!!! THIS IS WHY WE MADE WOMEN EQUALS? SO THEY COULD RUN THEIR CORRUPT EVIL WAYS, AND BE BACKED BY OUR BS LAWS? what you need is your kids taken away by the father and you lose the house and your family cause your the one screwing it up for the entire family! yet we all know that wont happen...she will be the biggest crook in the world and get paid better then any profession and the laws will back her....congrats you too are adding to the downfall of America!

Answer 4

I was married for 26 years just divorced. I stayed with my X till my daughter was out of high school. My X wife has new boyfriend I find out before we separated. He was at our daughters grad party. She is happy with him he is good to her and my new girl friend is better then I would have ever thought. If you are religious turn it over to God. I am not religious but know when it is out of my control. Once I did all the sudden after looking on all the web sites for singles and finding no thing. Here she is A blessing from God. I wish the same for you. You well not believe it when you find the new guy is so much better then the last. I am 58 and never thought I would ever find some one as good as the last. But here she is much better. Good luck do not take the first thing that comes by be open to God showing you the man of your dreams. You and you children need the peace and love.

Answer 5

Sorry I know how you feel.It is so hard to let something or someone go that has been a part of your life for so long.When you get use to someone being there it's hard to know what to do with your time.When you wake up,go to bed,get off work there thire.Bad or good it's company.But life gose on.As a widow and now a devorced single mom.It is so hard but once you find yourself it gets so much easeir.I am a much better mom now I have more engery to put into my kids it's not drained from fighting.The only way to get use to it is to do it.GOOD LUCK GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 6

Yes it is normal because change is hard. It is a big life change and will be hard at first. Plus everyone deep down wants their marriage to work and feels it is a failure when it ends. Just know that it will get better.

Answer 7

yes it is very normal to feel awful about divorce. I stayed w/my horrible ex for a year cause I didn't want my son to suffer from it. But I got worried that he would learn how to fight and bicker, cause that is all that we did. So I ended it, and she called 20 or 30 times a day. I tried to get her for stalking, and due to Idaho law I never did. She called like that for 2 years. Oops, I am sorry that is beside the point. You will feel bad for a while, but please don't subject the kids to something unhealthy. Good luck.

Answer 8

Yes, what your feeling is very normal. Even though you may have given this much thought over the years and really want him to leave it is actually happening now. Ita an end to a relationship, and there is always a mourning time. You once loved this man who is now not going to be in your life that way. What your feeling is very normal.

Answer 9

listen, i have been there!
you are going to feel rotten for a while...you were married and it sounds like you took your vows seriously...it hurts when you feel as if your marriage breakup is somehow your fault...time heals all wounds...
keep telling yourself that the marriage is over and there is nothing there anymore...you have to keep your chin up, up, up...it is normal...
if you had not put so much into the marriage you would not feel this way, so pat your back and get on with life

Answer 10

yes its absoulutley normal everyone whos marriage falls apart is the same way.. my father.. only said for us.. not my mom. i would say take the kids and get out!!!!