Im a bit concerned...........?

Question

Does anyone have any ideas how i can help get my boyfriend back into the positives again he is over -£800 in his bank account and has £600 on the credit card. But i sort of dont understand why because i do pay my half of the bills and he earns a little bit more than me. My current financial situation is +£300. Why does he end up so low? and how can i help him sort this out before my contract for my job ends in 3 months? Does anyone have any ideas of how i can help him sort out this debt in time without chucking money at him like i did with our loan i ended up paying £1880 at least of the £2300 loan as egg also took some off. And i dont wanna be paying out money to pay more of his debts out i have been putting money behind me incase i didnt get a job so we wont lose our flat which is £1000. I am only 18 years old. I have my 2 jobs and college but still finding time to help him out of his financial state but when it comes to his computer and upgrading he cant help himself he has to have

He cant wait till he has the money. I think its partially because his mates can afford it as most of them still live with there parents but he forgets he doesnt we have a flat together. Can anyone help with this as i have really been loseing sleep over it........... I'm worried that i may lose the roof above my head and it wont be my fault.

The money i paid to his loan i paid over a 7 month period.

At 18 yrs old i feel i shouldn't be paying out anymore than i owe, and i dont really have the money to treat my self so this month i did as i got fed up of it and then he started spending to. So i cant win

We are also engaged and planning to get married next year.

I am 18 and he is 20 years old.

I really love him and wanna help i know his computer means alot to him but i dont he realises our situation yet.

Answer 1

You have to be firm and take control of your joint finances. You should give him an allowance out of what is left after you've paid the monthly outgoings. And cut up his credit card.

Answer 2

It sounds like he doesn't know how to manage his money - nor does he have the will power to learn either. You shouldn't have to worry for the both of you, as it seems you've got enough on your plate (I mean, 2 jobs and college?) He needs to get his head out of the clouds and start thinking about things other than his computer.

I think he needs to be made aware that there are 2 people living in that flat, and you can't always pay for everything. In fact, I think you should stop doing that. He got into the debt on his own - so he can get out of it on his own. Your money is exactly that: yours. You saved it up, so don't waste your efforts by giving it to him. It's not there to tide him over.

The first thing he can probably do is stop the over-spending. From what you say, it's his computer and upgrades that he spends too much on. It may not seem like it but if you spend more than you save, soon enough the money will vanish. It's alright for him to treat himself every now and then, but not all the time. That defeats the purpose of a treat. Set up a budget system so you can both keep an eye on what you spend, and set a monthly allowance for him. He goes over it...well, punish him any way you see fit (whether it's locking away the computer or staying with your parents for the week, etc) He needs to learn to watch his money - especially if you're supposed to be getting married next year. If he doesn't like it, then he's not prepared to try. I'd suggest then that you make a prompt exit and wait until he is prepared to try. If that doesn't seem like it'll happen, then maybe it's best you let him go.

Answer 3

Hi. I've read the other answers and can see you want to really try and solve this issue in your lives.

Essentially, you are the disciplined partner and as a result your boy friend has come to learn from you always bailing him out that he doesn't have to worry or take the right actions because "You will ALWAYS be there to bail him, yourselves and everything out"? Right? So -

IF, you think he is worth marrying - then this should be treated very seriously by you as a test of the person you hope to spend your life with and - by him as "PROOF" he cares for you. Spending, taking little responsibility and ignoring your requests - is NOT a basis for marriage. Whist this might hurt you emotionaluy if it doesn't work - it WILL save you from a life of worry and misery - here is what you do -

You need to and must tell him in no uncertain terms - that you will not live any more with his debt, poor spending habits and lack of discipline in money matters. That starting from today - you will not ever bail him out or give him money. (And when asks again and its 99% sure - he will - you must NOT give in) You remind him he earns more than you and then you divide the bills etc up on paper(budget) so he knows for sure what he is required to pay.

If he gets paid weekly, fortnightly or monthly - you tell him that his income has to go into a joint account and that you have control over it to first pay the bills (his half) and that whats left he can spend. IF he loves you he will work with you to do this - but if he is a selfish spendthrift - he won't. At 18 you do not want to proceed in a relationship that simply is not going to give you anything other than worry. Its tough to do these things in life - but you are VERY lucky to have the opportunity now to sort this and not later when its too late. (I am a family counselor)

Answer 4

sound like some1 needs a Budget bad, try to get together and fix one up yourselves or talk to a professional is that area they can help alot

just read the computer parts, personally i think you should CUT all his computer spending money, once he gets his paycheck Take it and put it in the bank give him whatever he "needs" to live on, nothing more nothing less, eventually he should learn to spend his money more wisely i hope, if not then go with the professionals there are Plenty out there, dont give up just yet he just needs a little work is all............but if nothing helps then i suggest maybe leaving him or just take control of all his money lol

Answer 5

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Answer 6

this guy is a freeloader who knows that you will always bail him out!!! does he work as hard as you do? i bet not..because he is too busy spending your money....let him stand on his own 2 feet..and if he won't..then let him go under.
i know they say love is blind,but it needn't cost you a fortune.
this sounds not so much a cry for help,but more of how unhappy you are with the way things are. you being left with his debt....do yourself a favour dump him if he won't help himself.

Answer 7

He's probably doing drugs and/or drinking a lot. And believe me, you may not know if he's smoking crack or doing meth. Some people have kept it a secret for YEARS from their partner.

Answer 8

ur young and you should be enjoying life not having to worry about finances and that sort of stuff! rethink your situation !!!

Answer 9

dump the bum